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57506[EDIT] OWNER REVIEW-Black Diamond Gemini Headlamp [DANNY]

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  • jetriple@rockwellcollins.com
    Sep 2, 2004
    • 0 Attachment
      Hi Danny!

      Thanks for your first Owner Review. You have really done an excellent
      job. The one thing I found recurring throughout your review, however, was
      the use of the word "you". I think my comments below explain things
      fairly well, but if you have any questions just let me know. You've done
      a great job, you just need to reword things a little so that you tell what
      your experiences were rather than what the reader's will be.

      When you have made your changes, and are happy with the way the review
      looks, please post it to the list again with the word "REPOST" in the
      subject line. Once your review is approved you will receive instructions
      on uploading your report.

      Thanks again Danny! I look forward to reading the next version of your
      review.

      James T.
      BGT Edit Moderator

      +++++++++++edits+++++++++++

      Height: 6'0" (1.83m)
      [EDIT] Being picky here, but they way we like to see this has a space
      between feet and inches (6' 0") and also a space between the measurement
      and the units (1.83 m)

      Backpacking Background:
      [COMMENT] Well written! I have a few comments below, mainly because I
      suspect you'll be using this bio again, and it could use just a touch of
      housekeeping.

      I started backpacking about 5 years ago taking mainly 3 to 7 day trips.
      [COMMENT] Generally small numbers are spelled out (5 = five)

      I am a very adventurous hiker, frequently pushing myself with long,
      challenging trips both on and off trail.
      [COMMENT] I would add a comma after "challenging trips"

      Although I push myself during the day, I like to be comfortable in camp,
      and I try my best to travel as light as possible.
      [COMMENT] I find "comfortable in camp" and "as light as possible" to be
      conflicting goals... so the word "and" seems inappropriate. Just a
      suggestion, but consider rewording to something like this: "I push myself
      during the day, and try my best to travel as light as possible, yet I like
      to be comfortable in camp."

      The climate that I hike in is predominately dry. However, on summer trips
      in the Sierras I often encounter afternoon thunderstorms.
      [COMMENT] I would make this one sentence. "The climate that I hike in is
      predominately dry, however, on summer trips in the Sierras I often
      encounter afternoon thunderstorms."

      URL: www.bdel.com
      [COMMENT] For your e-mail posting you need the http:// to make the link
      clickable

      Burn time for LED: 500 hrs.
      [EDIT] Please drop the period. You don't use it for the other burn
      times.

      Also included was a Super Bright Xenon bulb which is conveniently located
      inside the battery back.
      [EDIT] Do you mean "battery pack"?

      [EDIT] The following is subjective, and is not really projecting, but you
      use the word "you" quite often in one paragraph. I have listed below
      sentences with the word you (bad) and sentences where you avoided the word
      you (good). If feasible, you should eliminate the word you. In your
      case, I don't see it as a problem initially, but further down you more
      closely are projecting. The rule is, that the report needs to be the
      writers experience, not the writer telling the reader what to expect. Make
      sense?

      (bad) The head strap consists of not only a strap going around the
      circumference of [your] head (circular strap), but also a strap that runs
      from the light housing directly over the top of [your] head (top strap) to
      the battery pack which sits on the back of [your] head.
      (good) All straps are removable from the plate. (Bad would be "You
      can remove all straps from the plate.")
      (good) This allows the light itself to swivel up and down, and the
      screw can easily be adjusted with a coin or fingernail to tighten or
      loosen the light's ability to swivel.
      (bad) The light housing is made of durable plastic, and [you] can
      unscrew the lens to access the bulbs for replacement.
      (good) The wire can be hooked into two plastic clips that are
      attached to the circular strap.
      (good) The clips can be adjusted along the circular strap and can
      also be completely removed.
      (good) The light is operated by pushing a small button on the bottom
      of the light housing.
      (bad) Push it once and [you] get the LED mode.

      The Gemini is much more comfortable than headlamps that have only one
      strap that runs around the circumference of your head. Because the Gemini
      also has a top strap, you do not need to have the circular strap as tight
      to keep the headlamp securely on your head.
      [EDIT] Projecting - use of the word "you" and "your"

      This gives you the security of knowing you will at least have some form of
      useable light for your whole trip, even if the Xenon bulb loses power,
      allowing you to leave the spare batteries at home.
      [EDIT] Projecting - use of the word "you"

      One downside to the Gemini is that the wire between the battery pack and
      the light itself is not long enough to allow you to comfortably remove the
      pack and put it in your pocket or down you shirt when it gets cold.
      [EDIT] Make it about your experience, not about what the reader may (or
      may not) find.

      I have found that battery life diminishes by about 25% in temperatures
      below 32 degrees F (0 degrees C).
      [EDIT] Earlier in your review you don't use the word "degrees" for the
      Celsius units. I would remove it here to be consistent. "32 degrees F (0
      C)."

      I have used the Gemini in damp, misty conditions and it has worked
      normally. However I have never submerged it in water or used it while it
      was raining, so I can neither confirm nor deny the manufactures claim as
      to how waterproof it is. Another thing that I have found bothersome about
      this headlamp is the push button way in which it is operated.
      [EDIT] I'm not sure why you say "Another thing that I have found
      bothersome..." here instead of "something I have found bothersome..." In
      this paragraph this is the only bothersome thing you are talking about.

      Another thing that I have found bothersome about this headlamp is the push
      button way in which it is operated.
      [EDIT] I think you mean "the push button [and the] way in which it is
      operated. "

      It's not a big hassle, but it can get frustrating to have to push multiple
      times to get the proper setting you desire. For instance, say you are
      cooking with the LED but decide to turn off your headlamp while waiting
      for the water to boil. Once it is boiling, you want to return to LED to
      finish cooking. To do this you will have to push the button 3 times to
      get the headlamp back to the LED bulb.
      [EDIT] Projecting - use of the word "you"

      The fact that it has both and LED and Xenon bulb allows you to save
      batteries around camp and comfortably hike at night even on difficult
      trails. Although I feel that it could use some improvement in how you
      switch between LED and Xenon, I feel the Gemini is a fully functional,
      comfortable headlamp.
      [EDIT] Projecting - use of the word "you"

      +++++++++++end+++++++++++

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