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Wrapping Presents (With a Cat)

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  • ciorstie
    My bad, but since we re on the subject... ... and ... scissors, ... wrapping ... the drawer ... and tore ... present ... don t ... retry. ... transparent
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 3, 2002
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      My bad, but since we're on the subject...

      > 1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
      > 2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained,
      and
      > close door.
      > 3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
      > 4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
      > 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
      > 6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
      scissors,
      > labels, etc.
      > 7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable
      wrapping
      > strategy to be formed.
      > 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in
      the drawer
      > since last visit, and collect string.
      > 9. Remove present from bag.
      > 10. Remove cat from bag.
      > 11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
      > 12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
      > 13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
      > 14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors
      and tore
      > the paper.
      > 15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the
      present
      > came out of.
      > 16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
      > 17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now
      don't
      > reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and
      retry.
      > 18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting
      transparent sticky
      > tape.
      > 19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent
      sticky tape
      > from cat with pair of nail scissors.
      > 20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as
      neat as
      > possible.
      > 21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve
      ribbon.
      > 22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
      > 23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to
      cat's
      > enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
      > 24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
      > 25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk
      > of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that
      you
      > know is right size for sheet of paper.
      > 26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
      > 27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
      > 28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for
      lockable room.
      > 29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing
      materials.
      > 30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close
      door and
      > re-lock.
      > 31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in
      the small
      > area of the toilet, but try your best!)
      > 32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully
      sealing down
      > tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and
      decorate
      > with bows to hide worst affected areas.
      > 33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating
      yourself
      > on making good of a bad job.
      > 34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
      > 35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious
      conclusion.
      > 36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
      > 37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and
      retire to
      > lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone
      and the door
      > is locked.
      > 38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's
      face, as they
      > try to hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped
      present.
      > 39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to
      wrap the darn
      > thing for you.

      ciorstan
      (NOT the author! Not guilty!)
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