Wrapping Presents (With a Cat)
- My bad, but since we're on the subject...
> 1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.and
> 2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained,
> close door.scissors,
> 3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
> 4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
> 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
> 6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
> labels, etc.wrapping
> 7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable
> strategy to be formed.the drawer
> 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in
> since last visit, and collect string.and tore
> 9. Remove present from bag.
> 10. Remove cat from bag.
> 11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
> 12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
> 13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
> 14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors
> the paper.present
> 15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the
> came out of.don't
> 16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
> 17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now
> reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat andretry.
> 18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cuttingtransparent sticky
> tape.sticky tape
> 19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent
> from cat with pair of nail scissors.neat as
> 20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as
> 21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve
> 22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.cat's
> 23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to
> enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.you
> 24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
> 25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk
> of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that
> know is right size for sheet of paper.lockable room.
> 26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
> 27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
> 28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for
> 29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packingmaterials.
> 30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, closedoor and
> re-lock.the small
> 31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in
> area of the toilet, but try your best!)sealing down
> 32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully
> tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon anddecorate
> with bows to hide worst affected areas.yourself
> 33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating
> on making good of a bad job.conclusion.
> 34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
> 35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious
> 36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.retire to
> 37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and
> lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are aloneand the door
> is locked.face, as they
> 38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's
> try to hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrappedpresent.
> 39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store towrap the darn
> thing for you.ciorstan
(NOT the author! Not guilty!)