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Re: Self-deprecating comments (was something else) LONGISH

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  • Wednesday
    ... I do this too, but less frequently than in the past. I worked with a woman who unintentionally showed me that these self-deprecating remarks *sometimes*
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 31, 2001
      > I find myself self-deprecating all the time:
      >
      > "Well, I must be crazy, because I sewed it all by
      > hand."
      > "I prefer period food, but that's just my hangup."
      > "We did things differently back home in Lochac, but
      > everyone knows they're a bit strange there."

      I do this too, but less frequently than in the past. I
      worked with a woman who unintentionally showed me that
      these self-deprecating remarks *sometimes* hide much
      arrogance. (I know. Not always.) When we all had the
      same deadline, and Dee was the only one who didn't
      meet it, she always said something meant to be
      self-deprecating:
      - I'm sorry, I'm a perfectionist. I can't stand to
      turn in sloppy work.
      - I just have to double check all the calculations.
      But that's just me... I don't expect anyone else to
      live up to the standards I set for myself.
      - I'm used to working in an industry where getting it
      right is more important than here.

      Everyone who ever worked with her for the 11 years I
      was there agreed. Her "self-deprecating" comments were
      perceived to be sugar coated insults.
      - Your work is more sloppy than mine.
      - My standards are what you all should aim for, even
      though you will never make it.

      Now, when I hear "... but that's just me", I cringe.
      And I have gotten much better at avoiding such
      comments. When my friends ask why I would want to
      handsew a gown, I just tell them I enjoy it. If they
      shake their heads and call me crazy, I just shrug and
      say "You're probably right".

      Eanswyth

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