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***Thought & Humor*** - August 2, 2006 A.D. - A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

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  • ***Professor Howdy***
    Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring Thought & Humor by Howdy ************************ A man is walking along the beach when he trips over something in
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 2, 2006
      Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper 
      'Thought & Humor' 
                                               by Howdy

      A man is walking along the beach when he
      trips over something in the sand...
             Updated frequently during the day!!!
      Be sure & read the "Comments" after each blog joke -
      there's more funny stuff & letters from y'all...
      A UNC* grad phones a mental hospital and asks
      the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27
      *Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
      humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
      & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
      of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
      of your choice from the list below:

      1) French university students
      2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
      3) Any accredited high school or middle school
      4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
      5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
      6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
      to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.
      7) It is against international law to transmute any jocoseness
      found in this newspaper to any school if their mascot is the Wolfpack.
      If attempts are made, your computer will automatically notify the
      FBI, CIA, and the KGB and you will be charged with...
      "performing  an illegal operation".

      Check out this Blog:


      Updated frequently!!!

      Why Am I Here?
      How Do I Beat Loneliness?
      Why Is My Life So Hard?



      Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:
      "A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
        without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
      ~Henry Ward Beecher
      "Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
      --Arnold Glasow
      "Laughter is by definition healthy."
      --Doris Lessing
      "If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
      --Bette Midler
      "The human race has one really effective weapon,
        and that is laughter."
      --Mark Twain
      "What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
      -- Yiddish Proverb
      "Laughter is an instant vacation."
      -- Milton Berle
      "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
      -- Victor Borge 

      To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
      heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
      to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
      time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
      time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

      NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
      directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
      domain.  If you think that we have published a joke without
      giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
      and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.


      The Bible claims to be the Word of the only true God. In addition to
      historical, archaeological, and scientific proofs, there are numerous
      internal proofs. No such evidences exist for other "sacred writings."
      The Bible was written during 1,600 years by 40 prophets, most of
      whom lived in diverse cultures, at different times in history, yet who
      never contradict but complement each other. For the Qur'an, Muslims
      must take the word of Muhammad, just as the Book of Mormon rests
      solely upon Joseph Smith's word. But every biblical prophet is confirmed
      by 39 other prophets.                   - - Dave Hunt

      Four important things to KNOW:

      1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
      Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
      Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
      & fall short of the glory of God.

      2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
      separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
      no charge to you) of God  (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
      Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
      (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
      Peace & Savior of the World).

      3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
      (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
      Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
      Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
      His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
      anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes  (trust in,
      relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
      have eternal  (everlasting) life (heaven).

      4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
      No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
      Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
      Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
      to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
      ME (no other name).

      This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
      (Rev. 3:20)

      {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
      things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
      however they are great afterwards!!!}

      Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
      leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
      and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow
      the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
      forever with God), and only a few find it.
            --Matthew 7:13-14
      The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
      is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
      was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
      & Humor' is one small  attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
      mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).                   
                            Soli Deo Gloria...                  
      ________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)"  _________
      References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
      Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
      Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,
      Crosswalk.com, CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral. 
      Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

      'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor
      your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
      and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
      to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
      e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
      unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
      humor)  The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.

      But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
      that I may show My power in you, and that My
      Name may be declared in all the earth.  Ex 9:16

      Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':
      Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
      that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
      as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???
      Bill J. - 60's - Fed. Government Employee
      Bill R. - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System
      Bill T. - 50's - MN - College Professor
      Bob - 80's - FL - Semi - Retired Military Chaplan/Minister - D.D. 
      Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married
      Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, Elementary School Teacher - H.B. July 22
      Cindy - 40's - NC - 501(c)(3) Administrator - Married
      Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
      Ellen - 20's - NJ - Registered Nurse - Married
      Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
      Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
      Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
      John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
      Judith - 60's - TX - Retired Teacher
      Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student - H.B. July 28
      Lee - 20's - GA - College Student
      Les - 40's - Australia - Pilot
      Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
      Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
      Mamie - 30's - GA - Elementary Teacher
      Patricia - 20's - MX - Entrepreneur, Politician
      Phil - 50's WI - Disabled
      Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married
      Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
      Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
      Tom  - 40's - Middle East - Missionary
      Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
      Teresa - 30's - NC - Mother
      Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country
      Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
      and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
      for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.

      Dear Friends,
      Goodbye for now with jocundness for both you 
      & your dynasty & an enkindling summer pulchritude!!!

      Your Amigo, Confrere & Sidekick,
      (probably spurious)
      P.S. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
      in Linoleum Blownapart.

      How to UNSUBSCRIBE
      & make poor Howdy Cry:
      Warning: Unsubscribing could restrict one's opportunities for 
      ascertaining uninterrupted existence for same's quintessence.

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