From The How to Easily Handle Difficult People Handbook: Everything Problem-People Don t Want You to Know by Dr. Murray Oxman, here is something good for ourMessage 1 of 1 , Aug 15, 2007View SourceFrom "The How to Easily Handle Difficult People Handbook: Everything Problem-People Don't Want You to Know" by Dr. Murray Oxman, here is something good for our personal reflection...
The Most Difficult Person of AllDescription: This person rarely, if ever, admits he's wrong. He's sure he understands himself, others, and life. And yet his deep-seated unhappiness proves otherwise. Others see him as he actually is, but he can't honestly see himself. In his heart-of-hearts he knows this description fits him - but he also wants to ignore it. Who is this mystery person? It's none other than ourself.
That's right, there's no more problematic person in our life than ourself. The truth of the matter is: no one causes our inner reactions but us. We suffer from our own inner reactions - not other people's actions! Sure some people's behavior is inexcusable. But for us to hurt ourselves is also inexcusable - especially when we cannot do it anytime we choose! There's no right time to suffer psychologically over anything - period!
Response: Notice your reactions as they are happening. Stand aside as an interested observer. Don't judge what you see - just observe. You will discover a marvelous secret: the source of the pain is your own wrong reaction. "That person shouldn't do that!" The fact is that they did that - but you should not react as you do and it hurts you!
Example: Recently there was an article in the newspaper about a famous singer/actress. She said that when she was a child, her famous singer/actress mother was going through something in her life when a friend said to her mother, "Just snap out of it!" she wanted to hit her mother's friend. She continued to say that years later when she, the daughter, was going through something and a friend said to her, "Just snap out of it!" she wanted to hit him and did. What a shame!
Unknowingly she was actually fighting for her sick right to hurt herself. In both cases the friends were giving healthy, sound advice. Yes, as an outsider it's much easier to see things clearly. But the fact remains we love to feel sorry for ourselves, we love to suffer - needlessly! And when someone says, "Just snap out of it!" we want to lash out at them. We must give up our childish behavior and grow up... We must change our nature and change it now! True life is reserved for the spiritually mature.