I'm forwarding this for my friend. It's her first
completed ff (though she's done a lot of writing in
the past), so feedback to 'er would be *really*
Author: Feral Tendencies
Title: Polish, Poles, and Poodles
Series: none (right now, anyway)
Distribution: Anywhere as long as I get credit.
Disclaimer: Not my stuff. No money. No sue.
'Ship: none, really
Rating: PG (language)
Spoilers: Maybe the movie...?
Feedback: Please! Email off-list at
Notes: Set after the movie, sometime after Logan gets
back from the base that Chuck found for him.
Bobby, Kitty, and Rogue all sat on the floor in
Rogue's room. They were supposed to be in their own
rooms; it was well past curfew. Kitty had her makeup
spread out on the floor.
"Rogue, you really should let me try this lipstick on
you. You'd look good in it," Kitty begged.
"Naw, that's ok. Ah think it's more along the lines
of Bobby's color," Rogue said, grabbing the makeup and
Bobby stood up and backed away. "Now, Rogue, c'mon,"
he said with a chuckle. "I don't want that stuff on
Rogue dove for him, but he dodged her easily. "Awe,
c'mon! It'll look great! C'mon, you know you're a
Kitty slapped her forehead and groaned. "That was
bad, Rogue, really bad," she teased.
Rogue giggled. "Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" She went
to sit back down, and after a moment's hesitation,
Bobby sat down, too.
Bobby stared idly at the floor. Suddenly, his hand
shot out and grabbed at bottle of really girly pink
nail polish. "He-e-e-e-e-e-y... I just got a crazy
"What? What is it?" Kitty wanted to know.
He laughed mischievously. "I just thought of a great
"Uh-oh," Kitty said, though it was obvious she was
more amused than worried.
Rogue cocked her head at Bobby. "What'd ya think of?"
"What say... we paint the Wolv's fingernails while
he's sleeping?" Bobby said, holding up the bottle with
Kitty clapped her hands. "Ha! That's great!"
"Well, ya had it right the first time... it IS a crazy
idea. Remember what happened to me?" Rogue reminded
Bobby waved her off. "We're not gonna try and wake
him up. Far from it!"
"I'll do it! Me, me!" Kitty said, raising her hand.
"It'll be fun! And I might get to see him shirtless!"
Rogue rolled her eyes, and felt herself blush a
little. "Well, ya can count me out. Ah'm goin' ta
bed." //Ah'm not even gonna remind 'em that he'll
know who it was by scent... let 'em find out the hard
Bobby shrugged. "Suit yourself. Just remember,
you've got something to get up early for."
"Heh, then I'm off!" Kitty grabbed the bottle of nail
polish and ran through the nearest wall.
Logan woke with a snarl, and promptly thrust his claws
through his alarm clock. A second later, he realized
where he was, and that he'd just slaughtered an
innocent timepiece. //Dammit, not again,// he thought
with a groan. He rubbed his hand over his chin and
decided that he could go another day without shaving.
He slipped on a shirt and his well-worn boots, and
fixed his hair. Still half-asleep, he stumbled
downstairs to the kitchen.
When he got there, he was surprised to find two of the
students actually awake and standing in the kitchen -
Bobby and Kitty, if he remembered correctly. When
they saw him, they started snickering in a
conspiratorial way. Logan shot them a suspicious
look, wondering what about him in the morning could
possibly be considered funny. He opened the
refrigerator and quickly threw together a sandwich.
Staring blankly at the wall, he wolfed down his
sandwich, all the while trying to ignore the giggling
kids at the other table.
Giving the students one final menacing glare - which
only served to amuse them further - Logan stalked out
of the kitchen. His next stop was the weight room.
On the way, he met Scott in the hall. Scott took one
look at him, and burst into a fit of laughter.
Logan grabbed Scott by the shirt and slammed him into
a wall. "Ok, what is so DAMN funny about me this
mornin'?" he demanded.
Finally getting a hold of himself, Scott replied,
"Well... that color of polish just isn't you."
"Huh?" Logan looked at his fingernails, each of which
had a sloppily applied streak of bright pink nail
polish down the middle. He growled. "Damn kids!"
Logan left Scott laughing in the hall, and charged
toward the kitchen. Both kids were still there, and
they figured out pretty quickly why Logan had shown up
again. The two of them backed away, scared out of
"Easy now," Bobby begged, "it was just a prank!"
Logan didn't respond. Instead, he extended his claws
and kept stalking toward them.
At the sight of those claws, Kitty let out a surprised
squeak and shot through one of the walls of the
kitchen, leaving Bobby to fend for himself. //Some
friend,// Bobby thought, eyeing Logan's claws
Just then, Scott showed up behind Logan.
"Logan? Logan! Hey! Calm down!" Scott said,
grabbing Logan by the shoulder.
Logan shrugged off Scott's hand. "Awe, calm down,
Cyke. I wasn't gonna hurt the kid... just scare the
hell out of him," he said, punctuating his last remark
with a vicious glare at Bobby.
"Logan, just go find some nail polish remover and let
it go," Scott said, making a futile attempt to cover
Logan growled again, but retracted his claws and left
the kitchen without another word.
Logan knocked on the door again and jammed his hands
further into his pockets. //C'mon, Jean, I know
you're here...// Finally, the door to Jean and
Scott's room swung open. "Logan? What are you doing
here? It's only six o'clock. Shouldn't you still be
in the weight room?"
"Well, normally I would be... but I fell victim to a
buncha teenagers," he said with a scowl.
"What do you want from me, then?"
"I... need some nail polish remover," Logan muttered,
looking at the floor.
"Nail polish remover," he mumbled again.
"NAIL POLISH REMOVER!!" Logan practically screamed,
then quickly glanced up and down the hall to see if
anyone had heard him. A few students had stuck their
heads out their doors, but there was no one he
recognized right offhand.
"Nail polish remover? What for?"
Glancing around to see if anyone was watching, Logan
pulled his hands out of his pockets and showed them to
Jean. She bit her lower lip, obviously trying to
repress a laugh, then ducked back into her room. A
few seconds later, she came back with a bottle of nail
polish remover and some cotton swabs. "Here you go,"
Jean said, a smile still tugging at the corners of her
Logan quickly accepted the items and stuffed them into
his pockets. "Thanks, Jean," he said, then quickly
turned to walk down the hallway.
He quickly halted his progress to turn and look at
Jean smiled at Logan's hopeful look. "I was wondering
if you'd like to come with me and Scott on a camping
trip for the next three days. The Professor wanted us
to take some of the students, and he said that I
should find one other person to go. Storm's visiting
some friends, so I thought that maybe you could come.
To help watch the kids, I mean."
Logan's face fell. "I don't know... after what Bobby
and Kitty did..."
"Oh, c'mon... that was just a little joke. They won't
do it again. And I have no doubt you scared them
badly enough to ensure that," she said with a grin.
"Please? It'll be fun!"
Logan scratched the back of his head uncertainly.
"Well... ok. I'll go pack. Who else is coming with
"Just Bobby, Kitty, and Marie. No one else wanted to
go. Most of these kids aren't the outdoorsy type, it
Logan nodded and gave her a little wave goodbye. "See
ya this evenin', then."
Logan stalked along behind the group of mutants,
wondering why he'd agreed to all this. Not only was
he carrying the equipment he'd packed for
himself-which was, in and of itself, a heavy load-but
also the equipment for the kids. //Dammit, I'm not a
pack mule. Why do *I* have to carry all this crap?//
Rogue, Bobby, and Kitty were all grouped together,
whispering excitedly about the camping trip. Despite
their whispers, Logan could hear them loud and clear.
"I'm going fishing first off!" Bobby exclaimed. "I
brought all my fishing stuff, too!"
Logan grunted. //Yeah, that and your brick
"I can't wait to cook marshmallows," Kitty said. "And
when it gets dark, we can read the magazines I
brought! I also brought a lamp to read by, so we
don't have to use Rogue's crummy flashlight."
//Magazines? She must've packed enough for a whole
library, as much as her bag weighs.//
Rogue made a sound of protest. "Hey! That
flashlight's still good... the batteries are just bad.
Oh, and Kitty, did ya bring your makeup bag?"
At the mention of Kitty's makeup, Logan growled loud
enough for the teens to hear him. They suddenly
became very silent, no doubt fearing for their lives.
"Any more of those screwy pranks from you kids, and
you're gonna be scattered all over New York," Logan
Jean and Scott stopped hiking long enough to look back
"Oh, Logan," Jean chided, "they didn't hurt anything.
They're just kids."
Logan just scowled at the ground and started hiking
It was dusk, and everyone was sitting around the
campfire. Logan had tried repeatedly to light a
cigar, but Jean had shot him down each time, citing
the children's health as her reason.
"Can we roast marshmallows?" Kitty begged. "Please?"
Scott turned around and pulled a bag of marshmallows
and a bundle of skewers out of his pack. "Here you
go," he said, handing them to Kitty with a slight
Blushing a little, Kitty accepted the items and rigged
up marshmallows for each of the teens to roast. "You
want some, Logan?" she asked, holding the bag out to
Deciding to have a little fun, Logan replied, "Sure."
He grabbed the bag from her, and extended the claws on
his right hand. He put a marshmallow on each one and
held them over the fire. He looked at the kids, a
bizarre grin on his face. They all stared back at
him, looking confused and a little terrified. After a
minute or two, the marshmallows were done, thankfully
before the fire heated Logan's claws enough to burn
As he wolfed down the sticky treats, Logan watched
Jean and Scott, who were whispering between
themselves. Something Scott said made Jean giggle,
and she gave him a playful smack on the chest. He
responded by grabbing her and pulling her close to
him. She playfully resisted for a second, then
relaxed and leaned against him.
Logan's expression became so dark that the kids
literally ran for their tents. Deciding that he'd
better remove himself from the area before he pitched
a burning log at Scott's head, Logan stalked toward
his tent and crawled into it, settling in for a good
night's sleep... he hoped.
(Two "fun"-filled days later...)
Logan awoke late in the morning to find that his hands
felt unusually heavy. Lifting them up so he could see
them, he found they'd been covered in refrigerator
magnets. //DAMMIT!!! THAT'S IT!// He launched
himself out of the tent with a snarl. Thundering over
to the kids' tent, he stuck one set of claws into it
and carved an opening in the top. "Rise and shine,
brats! You'll want to see the end comin'!" he yelled.
The kids, who were already awake, dressed, and going
through magazines, looked up with wide eyes at Logan's
menacing visage. Then, Bobby started snickering, and
Rogue and Kitty quickly joined in. Their snickers
became laughs, and their laughs became loud guffaws.
Logan picked Bobby up by the shirt and held him with
his feet dangling above the ground.
"Logan, put him down."
Logan dropped Bobby and turned around, finding Scott
standing outside his tent and glaring at him. At
least, Logan thought he was being glared at. //So
damn hard to tell with those damn glasses.//
Jean stood slightly behind Scott. She shook her head
in mock dismay. "Logan, what are we going to do with
you? We can't afford to lose a student every time
they play a practical joke on you, can we?"
"Guess not," Logan said, giving her a sheepish grin.
Then the wind shifted, bringing Scott and Jean's
scents to Logan. Unfortunately, three days without
bathing, along with camping in the summer heat, had
served to make them *both* extremely raunchy. //Phew!
Geez, they stink! Guess it's true what they say...
you never can tell it when *you* smell.// "Scooter,
you mind movin' downwind o' me? You're kinda funky,"
he said, doing his best to hold his breath and talk at
the same time.
Jean laughed, drawing an annoyed glare from Scott.
"You're no breath of fresh air yourself, hairball,"
Scott said with a smug look on his face.
Logan managed to summon the willpower it took to
ignore Scott's remark. "We *are* goin' back to the
school today, right?"
Jean nodded. "Yes, this evening. First we're taking
the kids fishing. And before you can ask, yes you
have to go. I'm staying here and packing things up.
You and Scott are going to help the kids with their
"Hey!" Bobby cried indignantly. "I know how to fish!
I have a whole fishing kit!"
"Bobby," Rogue chided, "havin' a fishin' kit and
knowin' how ta fish are two different thangs. You're
a city boy, and I know ya haven't seen a day of
fishin' in your entire life."
"Well, I've read lots of books about it."
"The only thing I ever see you read are the Playboys
Remy gave you," Logan heard Kitty whisper.
Logan had to grin at that. //Scooter'd come unglued
if he'd heard 'er. I'll let 'im find out on his own,
though.// "In that case, hurry up and get yer crap
together so we can hurry and get this done," he said,
glaring into the hole he'd ripped in the tent. "I
don't wanna stay here any longer than I gotta."
"Bobby! Ewww, get that away from meeee!"
"Awe c'mon, Kitty, it's just a little worm! It won't
"But it's *slimy* and disgusting! And I don't want it
in my hair!"
"Bobby," Scott interjected, looking up from the wad of
fishing line that he was working on, "put the fish on
the hook and quit chasing the girls with it." //Next
time, I'm putting a lock on the pole case. Bobby and
his impulsiveness. At least Hairball took him aside
and showed him how to cast before he screwed up
Logan looked up from where he stood on the other end
of the dock. "Told ya we should've used lures," he
said, casting his line again. As he waited for a
bite, he lit a cigar and stuck it in the corner of his
mouth. "Hey, Scott, I thought this lake was s'posed
to be stocked."
"It *is*," Scott said, wrestling with the line and
catching several small fish hooks in it. "It's just
that you have to be smarter than the fish."
Logan rolled his eyes but said nothing, deciding that
fishing line duty was punishment enough for old
One-Eye. Suddenly, the relative quiet of the lake was
broken by a surprised shout from Scott.
"BOBBY! Wait, don't cast - "
A bright flash of red light that took out a small
dingy across the lake followed the whiz of an
unreeling fishing line. Logan turned around in time
to see Scott sitting on the dock with his eyes screwed
shut. Bobby stood next to him, trying to reel Scott's
glasses in before they fell off the hook. When they
came out of the water, they were thoroughly tangled in
the fishing line.
Chuckling and shaking his head, Logan grabbed the mess
from Bobby and managed to unwind Scott's Oakleys.
"Here, Scooter," he said, handing them back to Scott.
"Next time, don't stand behind the rookie."
"Yeah, good idea," Scott grumbled, putting the
sunglasses back on. "And check who's behind you
before you cast next time, Bobby."
"Sorry, Mr. Summers," Bobby muttered as the girls
"Bobby, Ah thought you knew how ta fish," Rogue
"I do!" Bobby shot back indignantly.
"Good comeback," Kitty said sarcastically, giving him
a thumbs-up and a wink.
Bobby just glared and moved down the dock a ways to
Logan glanced back at Scott and started chuckling.
"Uhm... Scott... you've got lake crud on your
glasses," he snickered.
"Logan - "
"Woah, hey! I got one, I got one!" Kitty shouted,
loud enough for the whole lake to hear.
With Logan's help, she managed to reel in her catch...
a whopping five-pound bicycle tire, complete with
"Wow, that sure fought hard," Kitty said, bemused.
"This lake's a mess."
"Maybe Goodyear stocked it," Bobby joked.
"Shut up an' keep fishin'," Rogue ordered. "You're
gonna scare all the fish away, and Ah'm lookin'
forward to some catfish for dinner."
Everyone gathered themselves and went back to their
respective tasks. Except Scott. After several more
attempts at untangling the mess that Bobby had made,
he pitched the whole shebang into the lake in
(The next day...)
"No, Bobby, no more pranks."
"Awww... c'mon, Rogue! Just one more... please?"
Rogue shook her head adamantly. "No! I keep getting'
caught in the middle, an' I ain't gonna put up with it
"Fine, Rogue," Kitty huffed, crossing her arms over
her chest, "we'll do this on our own."
"Fine. Then Ah'm stayin' away from you two for the
next few days. Ah ain't riskin' gettin' the hell
scared outta me again." With that resolution, Rogue
stomped out of the cafeteria.
"Wow, she's no fun," Jon said, frowning after her.
"So, Bobby, you *really* painted Logan's fingernails?"
"Actually, Kitty did," Bobby said with a grin. "But
it *was* my idea."
"And he really sliced a hole in your tent after you
stuck those magnets to his hands?"
"Yes," Bobby grated between clenched teeth. //Why
does *that* part always have to get around the school
before everything else?//
"And you're *still* gonna go through with this?"
"Bobby, you're a madman." Jon paused, then grinned.
"I'm with ya."
The three of them giggled together.
Jean was startled out of her reverie by angry pounding
on the classroom door. //Who knocks on a classroom
door?// "Come in."
Logan stormed through the door, looking around the
classroom as if he expected an ambush. He was wearing
his jacket zipped up almost to his chin, which was odd
since the classroom couldn't have been any cooler than
eighty degrees Fahrenheit. There was obviously
something bundled up in it, and it was squirming in a
desperate attempt to get out. He pulled out a chair
and sat down across the desk from Jean.
Jean arched one eyebrow at him. "Logan? Dare I
ask... what's wrong?"
"It's those damn kids," he growled, wrestling to keep
whatever he was carrying in his jacket. "They left a
At that point, the bundle he was carrying managed to
wrestle its way out of his jacket, and a dainty poodle
with pink ribbons in its ears stuck its head out under
Jean had to put one hand over her mouth to stifle a
laugh. "But, Logan, it's adorable! Ladies really dig
guys with dogs," she teased.
Logan suppressed a growl and picked up the poodle in
one hand. //Damn thing sure is tiny,// he thought to
himself. "If you like it so much, why don't you take
care of it? I don't even know where the hell Bobby
managed to find a poodle, but if I find out, I'm gonna
kill the bastard that he got it from."
Jean looked at the little dog and laughed. "It *is*
cute. Can I hold it?"
Logan set the tiny dog down on the desk. "Be my
guest," he said with not just a little disgust. //I
hope to hell no one sees me with this thing. Most
sissified animal on the planet.//
"How exactly did you wind up with her anyway?" Jean
said, reaching toward the poodle.
//Her? I hadn't noticed. Not that I care...//
"Found it curled up in the middle o' my bed. I could
smell Bobby, Kitty, and Jon's scents in there, so I
know it was them."
Jean shook her head. "I hope you didn't - OW!!! She
The little dog started yapping and bouncing around
when Jean yelled. Logan quickly grabbed the thing and
put it back in his jacket, this time letting it leave
its head out in the open. The minute he picked the
dog up, she stopped barking. "Sorry," he muttered.
"Why didn't you *tell* me she bites?!" Jean demanded,
rubbing her bruised hand.
"She didn't try to bite me," Logan said with a shrug.
Jean glared at him for a second, then started to
Logan glowered at her. "What?"
"Well, I think you've found yourself a new pet," she
"Ohhh no. Uh-uh. No way in hell am I keepin' this
"Well she obviously won't have anything to do with
Logan glanced down at the little dog with a bewildered
look on his face. "What the hell am *I* gonna do with
a dog? 'Specially somethin' as pansy as this. I
can't keep this. Scott would never let me hear the
end of it. I - "
Jean rolled her eyes. "Oh, just take the bows out of
her ears and put a bandana on her. She'll be plenty
macho for you then."
"Maybe Marie would like a dog..."
"She's allergic," Jean said, cutting him off before he
could take the thought any further. "Now, you figure
out where that dog came from, and if it doesn't have a
home, you find one for it or let it live with you."
"Yes mommy," Logan grumbled as he stuffed the dog back
into his jacket and stalked out the door.
(Later that evening...)
Jon was incredulous. "You're telling me Cuddles
didn't bite the hell out of him?"
Bobby shook his head. "Nope."
"Your aunt's psycho-killer, never-likes-anyone,
pees-on-the-carpet-just-to-make-you-mad poodle didn't
even bark at him?"
Jon sat back in the cafeteria chair. "Wow."
"Maybe she actually liked him," Kitty suggested.
"I think she just knew better," Bobby grumbled,
propping his chin on one hand.
Kitty drummed her fingers on the table. "So what now,
"Well, we get the dog back to my Aunt, then we think
up another prank."
"Don't you think we've done enough to him?" Kitty
Bobby shrugged. "Eh... he hasn't threatened our lives
yet. I say we've still got a couple more pranks
before he climbs the clock tower and goes postal."
Jon grunted. "So, what are we gonna do to him next?"
"I think I've got an idea," Bobby said, a small grin
creeping across his face.
Jon leaned forward. "Yeah? You think it'll work?"
Bobby nodded sagely. "Yup. Now I just gotta figure
out where to get a mule, some confetti, and fifty
gallons of spray-on grass."
Remember, feedback 'er at feral_tendencies@...
(cuz she ain't on these lists).
Catch Your Breath [my index site] ~ http://www.catchyourbreath.net
"We've always been ready for female superheroes because women want to be them and men want to do them." -Famke Janssen
Cyclops: "I'm sorry. My mind must have been...elsewhere."
Jean: "The gutter, perhaps?" ~X-Men #8
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