Seasons Past (After the Fall, 7/8)
"It's a lot harder than it looks." Logan looked up at
Scott, his hand still stroking Scott's erection. He
had a look of consternation on his face.
Scott looked down. "It doesn't look hard?" he asked,
"Not your cock, stupid. Giving head. It looks so
easy when you're doing it to me. I'm really trying,
here, but I can't get the hang of it." He put his
head down again, licking the underside of Scott's cock
slowly and thoroughly, with long rough strokes,
enjoying the unfamiliar sensations as well as the
sounds Scott was making. He worked his way up the
shaft until he was right at the top, moving his tongue
all around the head, lips sucking as he licked round
and round. One hand stroking up and down and the
other on his own hard on, moving in the same rhythm.
Scott was moaning and whimpering a little, giving into
the marvelous feeling, then stopping abruptly because
he suddenly worried he was too loud. Since they had
come back to Westchester, Scott had been very aware
that he and Logan didn't have the degree of privacy
they'd had when they were all alone in that big house
in Peru. Still, Logan's bedroom was near the Danger
Room and far away from student dorms. No one was
likely to be on this floor at all so late at night.
So he resolved not to worry about the noise, leaning
back and closing his eyes as Logan's mouth engulfed
the head of his cock, moving down a little, hand still
rubbing up and down, fingers meeting his mouth. "What
are you talking about? This feels great. Your
mouth... and your hand..."
Logan's head came up again. Both hands on Scott now,
he kept stroking him absentmindedly while he talked,
one hand moving up and down the shaft, the other
stroking the head with thumb and two fingers with
strong, slow movements. Logan was clearly thinking
about what they both were saying, but what he was
doing with his hands was very distracting to Scott.
He was having trouble following the conversational
thread, wanting to just go with what Logan was doing
to him and how it made him feel. But he worked at
listening to what the man in front of him was saying,
trying to focus his attention on Logan�s words, rather
than his actions, as he continued talking. "I can't
take it all the way in like you do. It makes me choke
when I even try. How the fuck do you do that?" His
eyes narrowed as he looked down again. "You're not
any bigger than I am."
Scott laughed at that. "Maybe I've got a bigger
"That I'll believe." He bent down again and started
licking Scott's balls while he stroked. Scott
surrendered to the luxurious feeling again, hoping
they were done talking. But pretty soon Logan stopped
and asked, "Really, though. How do you do it?"
"It's just something you do with your throat, sort of
relaxing the muscles. It takes practice." He smiled.
"I've had a lot of practice."
"That I'll believe, too." Still stroking with one
hand, Logan put the other one to his own neck, feeling
around as he experimented with different kinds of
swallowing motions. "Relaxing the muscles?" he asked.
"How do you do that?"
"I can teach you, if you want." He took Logan's hand
away from his neck and brought it to his own mouth.
Scott sucked the middle finger in deep, stroking it
with his tongue. "But not now," he continued, letting
Logan's hand go and sighing as Logan resumed stroking
with both hands. Scott reflected absently that there
were many times when he wished Logan would speak more,
but just now he'd be happy if he'd shut up. "Just do
what you were doing before. Please." The last word
came out breathlessly, sighing as Logan bent his head
back down to Scott's cock.
Scott closed his eyes again. Logan looked up and saw
the red glow fading as he continued to kiss and lick.
One hand was stroking up and down, rotating slightly,
while the other cradled Scott's balls, a finger
sliding up behind, into the crack of his ass, teasing
the opening a little. The motions of Logan's hands
and mouth were slow, steady, and powerful. Scott
thought, not for the first time, that Logan's hands
were amazing. Skin unbelievably soft, since his
healing factor prevented calluses from forming, yet
great strength and an almost superhuman control. And
now, with what he was doing with his mouth as well, it
felt totally glorious. �I never want this to end,� he
thought clearly. He tried to hang on longer, feeling
the approaching orgasm as Logan sucked on the head and
rubbed harder and faster on the shaft. Finally, he
couldn�t hold out any longer and gave into it, feeling
the cum spurting out of him into Logan's mouth and
opening his eyes to see if he'd swallow it.
He did, or most of it anyway. Logan quickly got up
and grabbed Scott by the back of his head, kissing him
hard, excited by what he'd just done. Scott could
taste his cum as Logan's tongue pushed into his mouth.
Logan took Scott's hand, whispering, "Do me." Scott
obliged, rubbing hard as they kissed, and then bending
down to take Logan's cock in his mouth when the kiss
ended. It wasn't long before he was tasting Logan's
cum as well as his own.
They sat there afterwards, breathing hard still,
contented to sit side by side, companionably, without
Logan broke the silence after a few minutes. "You
"Oh yes." Scott smiled happily. The smile
disappeared and he asked, a little hesitantly, "Did
you like doing it?"
"Yeah," he replied, slowly, contemplatively. "A lot.
I really wanted to but I wasn't sure I'd like it."
"Well, I'm glad you did."
"It felt great. I loved the taste of you, the feel of
doing it to you. And something else.� He held his
head to one side, thinking. �Part of it was sort of
feeling like you were totally in my hands."
"And in your mouth." They both laughed at that.
"Yeah, but you know what I mean. Feeling like I was
doing something big to you. Something powerful.
Really turned me on. I sure didn't last long
"Yeah, I noticed." Scott thought some more. "Did it
feel like... a big deal? A big step to take? You'd
never done it before, right?"
"I don't know, really. There's a lot of stuff I don't
remember." Logan looked away. "But, no, I don't
think I ever did. Not in the time that's still there
in my brain. Or the part of my brain I can get to."
He laughed, a low chuckle. "And if I get the
professor to read my mind again, I don't think I'll
ask him to look for forgotten blow jobs, necessarily.
At least not first thing." He thought some more.
"I'm not sure what you mean by a big deal. It did
feel different than doing other stuff, different than
what we've been doing, or what I�d done with other
men. I thought about what you said that time, about
knowing what it feels like. I knew what you were
feeling. I wanted you to feel what I've been feeling
when you blow me. I guess that's why I wanted to take
it all the way in."
"I thought it was just because you couldn't stand the
thought of me being able to do something you can't."
Logan laughed again at that. "Seriously, though, I
guess by a big deal, I meant that it's kind of a
defining act or something." He looked away again. "I
thought it might make you wonder if you're gay."
Logan seemed unconcerned about the question, so Scott
persisted. �Did you ever think that? Or that you�re
bisexual? I mean, you say you have had sex with other
�Yeah, even some I remember.� He didn�t say anything
for a long time. Scott wondered if he was going to
say more at all. �I guess that gay and bi stuff
doesn�t mean a lot to me. I don�t really get it.
It�s women I�ve been interested in. Well, until
recently,� he added, looking with pleasure up and down
Scott�s body. �I�ve done it with men mostly �cause it
was convenient, I guess.�
�Convenient?� Scott laughed.
�What�s funny about that?�
�I don�t know. It just sounded kind of funny. What
do you mean?�
Logan shrugged. �Men are easy, I guess.� He thought
about it. �I was moving around a lot. Didn�t really
know anybody. But I wanted sex. Needed it. I like to
have my cock sucked and there�s always some guys that
like to suck cock. They�re easy to find lots of
places. And you don�t have to talk nice to them or
buy them dinner or anything. Easier than women.
�I guess so. So, you don�t usually feel attracted to
men? Just women?�
�Mostly women. Until you. I mean, I definitely got
off on guys giving me head, but not the specific guy.
Sometimes I�d feel a little of what you were saying
that time, that connection or whatever it is of you
both being men. Thinking of him sucking my cock,
thinking he probably likes having his cock sucked,
too. But I never felt like doing anything to the
other guy. I never even touched them, really, never
jerked them off like I�ve been doing with you.�
�Were you... repelled by the idea of touching another
guy�s cock, of bringing him off?�
�Nah, I don�t think so. Just no interest. I just
wanted to get off.� He mused a little more.
�Sometimes there was something else. I liked the fact
of this guy on his knees in front of me, too, some of
the time. Sort of felt good the same way fighting
does, when I win. And I always win,� he added with a
smile. �But lots of times I�d close my eyes and
pretend it�s a women there doing it. And, what you
said about noticing people � it�s always the women I
notice, can�t look away from. Or was. I don�t know �
it�s been different with you. I wanted to look at
you; I like looking at you." Scott felt warmed by his
intent gaze. "I wanted to touch you, knew when you
sucked me off I wouldn�t be thinking of anybody else.
It�s been like that for a long time. Maybe from the
start. Although that was all mixed up with hating
your guts,� he added with a chuckle.
�Yeah, we didn�t get off to a good start. But a lot
of that was Jean, don�t you think? Being in love with
the same woman?�
Logan shook his head. �I was never in love with her.
I wanted to fuck her, no getting away from that, but I
wasn�t in love. And maybe,� he added slowly, like he
was trying to get it straight in his head, �Maybe I
partly wanted to have her kind of as a way of getting
you. I�m not sure.� He thought about it some more.
�But I�m sure it wasn�t love. I ain�t never been in
�With the usual caveats,� Scott interjected with a
�Whatever that means.�
�Oh, just that you can�t know for sure. Because of
the amnesia. You just know that you don�t remember
being in love.�
Logan thought about that one for a minute. �Nah, I
bet I�d know if I had,� he said. He didn�t say
anything more, and Scott waited, not knowing whether
to press him further. When Logan spoke again, it
seemed to be an entirely different topic. �I can
speak Japanese, you know.�
�No, I didn�t know.� Eyebrows raised.
Logan chuckled. �What?"
"It just seemed like quite the non sequitur."
"Hang on. It has something to do with what we were
talking about, trust me.� He closed his eyes in
memory. �I didn�t know I could for a long time,� he
continued. �Isn�t that weird? To know a language but
not know you know it? I didn�t know lots of stuff I
know. When I woke up in the woods that time, well, I
had other things on my mind. I didn�t remember a lot,
but I didn�t know what I didn�t remember, couldn�t
even tell what was missing. I mean, I knew something
awful had happened to me and I knew that I wanted to
die. So, that�s kind of all I focused on for a while.
But when I couldn�t...� He looked away from Scott.
�Well, then I started thinking about what I did and
didn�t know. It took a while to even realize how much
was missing. I mean, I kind of didn�t even notice
what I didn�t know, or maybe didn�t realize that other
people did know that stuff. It all seems so fucked up
when I look back on it, but it must�ve taken me a year
or two to even think it was strange that I don�t know
my whole name. Can you believe that?�
Scott nodded. �I�ve read up on post-traumatic amnesia
lately.� He reddened a little at Logan�s inquiring
expression. �Well, I�m interested in what you�ve been
through. I�m trying to understand,� he added
hurriedly. �Anyway, what you�re saying is kind of
typical. The amnesiac doesn�t even know what
information is missing, doesn�t have a clear sense of
what he ought to know. It takes time to sort of get a
handle on the extent of the amnesia. Often it�s
family or friends or the amnesiac�s doctor that clues
him into what he�s missing.�
�Yeah, that�s what it was like for me. Logan � I knew
that was my name, but I still don�t even know if it�s
my first name or my last name. And I knew I was a
mutant, knew about the claws and the heightened senses
before I had to use them.�
�What about the healing factor?�
�No, I didn�t know that part. Not at first. I was
real surprised when I found out � first time I tried
to kill myself,� he added. �I used my claws, put �em
right into my heart. It hurt like hell, but I didn�t
die. I was so pissed off. And confused, too. I mean
how can a person get stabbed through the heart and not
die? But then, after a minute, it kind of came back
and it made sense to me why it didn�t work. I spent a
month or more trying different ways, but none of them
worked. I was still alive. And by the end of that I
was almost feeling more mad that I couldn�t do it than
just wanting to die for its own sake, if that makes
any sense.� He laughed ruefully. �Pretty fucked up,
like I said. But I figured it was time to give up on
trying to kill myself and start looking for how I got
to be this way.�
�And the suicidal feelings were just gone after that?�
�Nah, they come back sometimes. I try to fight �em
when they do.� He paused again. �Booze helps
sometimes. Sometimes it makes it worse. Hard to
know. Sex helps, though, pretty much all the time.
It�s worse � the suicidal stuff � when I�m doing
without.� He looked at Scott. �You�ve been helping
�I live to serve.� Scott tried for a light tone,
knowing that the last thing Logan would want was any
expression that might sound like pity.
Logan continued. �Anyway, it was like you said, I
didn�t have a clear sense of what I should know so I
didn�t know what I was missing. But I didn�t have any
family or friends or doctors to clue me in. And I was
moving from place to place, not talking to people
much, just kind of figuring it out on my own. So, I
started to realize I was missing a lot, but I still
didn�t know what I *did* know. So, for example, I
didn�t know I could speak Japanese. I was mostly in
rural Canada, not anywhere you�d hear anybody talking
in Japanese, eh?�
�I guess not. How did you find out?�
�Well, sometimes I would go into the cities, trying to
find out more about who I am and how I got to be this
way. I had this idea that it had something to do
with the government there, so I�d gone to Ottawa. And
I�m sitting in this bar one night � no luck on what I
was trying to find out so I�m just hanging out there
feeling discouraged, trying to distract myself from my
own thoughts, which weren�t good ones. Well, you know
how it is - heightened senses � I can hear anything I
want to. So, I�m just kind of scanning the room,
seeing if anybody�s saying anything interesting.
There was this blonde in a booth across the room,
whispering to her boyfriend about what they were gonna
do that night, but that was just getting me horny, so
I figured I�d move on. Two Japanese guys were in the
booth next to them, just talking business. What they
were saying wasn�t so interesting, but I couldn�t stop
listening to them. I could understand every word.
Well, not quite � there was some stuff about their
work that I didn�t get, maybe it was too technical or
something. But most of it was just as easy to
understand as English. So, that�s when I knew I knew
�And you can speak it, too?� Logan nodded. �We have
a Japanese student here. Masako. Have you met her?�
Logan nodded again. �Yeah, I�ve talked to her a few
times. She likes having somebody to talk to in her
native language. She says I have a �country� accent,
that I talk like her grandparents. She�s from Tokyo,
but her grandparents live in a village up north.� He
mused some more. �That makes sense to me. I look at
pictures of Tokyo and it doesn�t look familiar at all.
But sometimes, I see pictures of rural Japan, the
countryside or villages, and I know it. Not just the
language. I know the plants and the animals �
sometimes I know the names for them in Japanese but
not in English. I can look at the picture and know
what it sounds like there, what it smells like.� He
looked right at Scott. �I have no memory of being in
Japan. I don�t have any idea when I was there or what
the fuck I was doing there. But I *know* I was there.
I know the language, the clothes, the food, the
people. So, I�m sure I was there.�
�Okay, that makes sense.� Scott nodded, encouraging
Logan to continue.
�Well, when people talk about being in love, like when
you talk about Jeannie... it�s not like you�re talking
in English. Or Japanese. It�s like another language,
one I don't know. Or maybe not like that. I mean, I
understand the words. But I don�t understand the
idea, not like I would if it had happened to me. If
I�d ever been in love, I might not know when or how,
like I don�t know when I was in Japan. But I�d know
it had happened, I�m sure of it.�
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