Title: Now and Forever
Rated PG for descriptions of violence
Summary: Jean describes a tender scene between Logan and Danielle.
Takes place after the events of "Regressions"
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I do own the creation of Danielle
Archiving: with my permission - would like to know where it is being
Scott and I arrive home after enjoying an evening out dining and
dancing. We enter the silent hallway of the mansion on our way to
our room. In the blackness of the night, we hear a rustling near one
of the windows in the TV room. Peering in, we could see the broad
figure of Logan.
Logan sat on the windowsill looking out into the darkness. I could
sense great agitation coming from him. His dreams must have awoken
him into a fury of rage. It has been a long time since he
experienced this kind of reaction from his nightmares.
We could smell alcohol from a bottle of bourbon that he must have had
stashed somewhere. Of course, Scott would love to say something. I
hold him back watching Logan drink himself into oblivion. I know he
is in pain and disturbing Wolverine now is a dangerous thing to do.
This isn't the first time I have found him like this, but I have to
admit I didn't expect it.
In the past, I knew his nightmares haunted him deeply and many nights
we had heard him stir from his sleep. My gifts allowed me to enter
his troubled mind and see the visions that tormented him the
blocked memories of what had been done to him and what made him into
Wolverine. These memories, his nightmares, incite his berserker
rage. No one could take away the pain and deeply recessed memories
of the torture he endured.
Having been in his head, having seen the hidden memories of the
torturous experiments, I can understand his anguish and feel great
compassion for the soldier who had been so abused by science and by
The residents of the school had been more wary of the possibility of
intruders since the raid by Stryker's men a few years ago. When
Logan returned to the school, he has played sentinel watching and
waiting for another squadron of soldiers to enter the home of his
adopted family. There have been numerous times I have seen him just
sit near the window and stare stare out into the blackness of the
night with enhanced vision.
I know Logan remembers that night every detail of what happened and
how angry he felt that his new territory had been invaded and how the
soldiers penetrated the safety of the school's walls turning the
place into a battlefield. Logan was the only means of defense. I
had heard of how Logan picked off most of the soldiers using his
predatory instincts silently approaching his prey and taking down
each soldier he encountered.
More than that, the children who had come to this school to feel safe
had that security torn away from them. They are vulnerable and
public knowledge, and Logan feels he would be damned to hell if he
doesn't t try to change that to allow them to feel safe again.
Then, there was the guilt he felt when Danielle was heisted away in
another raid. Danielle has brought some real stability to Logan.
She gained his trust, tamed the animal, and whenever Logan got into
emotional trouble, she was always there to pick him up. I saw them
fall so deep in love and realized I could never be for Logan what
Danielle is. And for Danielle, Logan is the one man who is
everything she needs in a friend and a lover.
His killer instincts went into full gear when we went out to rescue
her. But even with his great strength and berserker rage, she was
seriously injured. Logan was defenseless to help and held her dying
in his arms. I watched Logan's emotional response to the painful
thought of losing his soul mate.
Yet, Fate was on her side and through the help of the Professor and
Rogue, Logan was able to save her passing on his ability to heal to
strengthen her impaired gifts. But, he still felt he had in some way
let her down. Like Rogue, he had sworn to protect her and he blamed
himself for being a failure.
Danielle had been augmented and her killer instincts brought forward
Panther had been fully unleashed something Logan would not have
wanted to happen to her. She now bears the same type of claws and
the irony of it all is that she and him are that much more the
perfect match. She has joined the X Team much to his chagrin, but
when they fight side by side, they are a deadly combination.
He stares out the window and I can feel his senses becoming clouded
over as the alcohol streams through his body and takes a hold of
him. Slowly, we watch him begin nodding off as his eyes become heavy
with a desire to sleep, and he leans forward against the glass of the
I enter his intoxicated mind and see visions of all the things that
are swimming around in the dark depths of his soul. He kept thinking
of all the things that tormented him from the experiments that
changed him to the terror he felt when he almost lost Danielle.
Just as he doses off, we see a shadow coming down the hallway. It's
Danielle. She tells Scott and I that Logan had awakened her with his
nightmares. I tell her he is drinking, the first time since he and
Danielle paired up, and she proceeds into the room to sit by his
Cautiously, she grasps the bottle of alcohol and slowly begins to
pull it from his grip. Setting the bottle down on the ledge and out
of the way, we see his eyes drowsily open and squint with obviously
blurred vision. He is trying to make out the figure that is near
him. Her arm slides around his back slowly dragging her fingers
across steely muscles that are tensing with fear. His eyes widen
like a frightened animal and he coils up ready to spring and unleash
his deadly metal claws.
Logan is ready to strike, and Danielle attempts to calm him. Scott
begins to walk toward them sensing the threat Logan poses to
Danielle. I pull him to stop. I nod my head motioning for Scott to
not interfere but to just watch in silence. I could sense this would
not turn into a dangerous situation as Scott was thinking.
"It's ok, Logan. I'm not gonna hurt ya," Danielle softly said
realizing he was not completely himself.
She pleads with him to stop torturing himself, that what happened was
not his fault. Gently, she strokes him trailing her fingers over
his back, to his shoulder, and down his arm. His eyes follow her
hand's path and I enter his mind again and see how it is a jumbled
mess of painful thoughts. The agony in his eyes is so apparent to
all of us.
Danielle slowly grasps Logan's wrist his clenched fist poised to
release his killing weapons. Her soft growl sounds in Logan's ear
and he relaxes to take his post looking outside the window again. I
curiously cock my head watching the events as they happen. I am
truly amazed at how Danielle is able to calm the animal's fury.
Scott holds back but is prepared to intervene if the need arise.
With all the gentleness and compassion a woman could give, Danielle
stands behind Logan and wraps her arms around his waist and rests her
cheek against his back. Her warm embrace must have sparked Logan's
attention, although he remains silent and watching out the window
while downing more of the bourbon.
Just as she releases him and begins to walk away knowing he needs
time to himself, he grabs her arm. We watch his eyes pleading
silently for her to stay. She sits down by his side and looks out
the window as he does.
Danielle would glance over to him sometimes seeing him looking at her
instead of out the window. His bloodshot eyes reveal what was in his
soul all the pain and despair he suffered during his imprisonment
as an experimental guinea pig and the feelings of failure in
I could see she could sense all the agony without a word passing
between them. He went to take another drink from the bourbon
bottle. He was beyond intoxicated and spilled so much of the drink
on himself instead of in his mouth. My heart sank as much as
Danielle's must have seeing the anguish he was trying to drown with
the booze. Her eyes sternly asked for him to again release the
bottle to her.
In his mind, I see how Logan realizes just why he is so in love with
her. She didn't care about his feral tendencies she was feral
herself. She didn't mind his gruff personality she had a way of
bringing out the tenderness in him. She didn't fear being skewered
to death by his deadly claws when they slept together his rage-
filled nightmares had subsided to thoughts of a future with his
adoptive family and his special girl at least until tonight.
Scott began fussing around and I pulled his arm with a silent plea to
be quiet. I knew deep down inside that I would have to beg Scott not
to say a word of what we witnessed, as Scott would undoubtedly use
this to attack Logan when he sobered up.
As Danielle gets up and pulls the bourbon away, Logan huffs deeply.
He looks into her eyes. She begins pulling his hand to follow her.
He refuses to go. His arm remains taut, as she pulls harder.
Instead of following her, he pulls her to him and she falls into his
His kiss was unexpected to all of us, yet I could feel a strong
passion. She didn't fight him as he tied her up in his arms
tightly. I know Danielle could taste the bourbon so strongly, as if
she had taken a drink from the bottle herself, just from the look on
her face. Her body falls limp in his embrace.
He smiles slyly as he releases her and obediently stumbled down the
hallway trying to follow her. Scott decides to intervene and he and
Danielle help the intoxicated Logan walk to his room.
I follow them and watch as Logan angrily pushes Scott away. Scott
backs off and joins me leaving Danielle to handle Logan herself. He
sits down on his bed and looks up into Danielle's eyes. His arms
wrap around her waist and he lays his head against her stomach. She
embraces him feeling his pain.
"I am sorry," he softly says.
"Please stop blaming yerself, Logan," she replies.
He picks up her hand looking it over knowing inside were claws of
"It's all my fault," he said.
"No, it ain't," she says angrily.
"Why do ya put up with me?" he asks sadly.
"'Cause I love ya," she responds.
She pushes him gently to lie down and like a mother with her child
she sweetly tucks him in. The look on Logan's face is endearing and
painful all at once. This is another of Logan's great troubles not
remembering his childhood.
It didn't take long for him to fall fast asleep. Danielle motions to
us that everything is under control now, and we watch as she lies
down beside the resting Wolverine. She gently strokes the long
sideburns of his face and kisses his lips before she herself settles
down to sleep again.
We bid her goodnight and close the door quietly. As Scott and I walk
down the hall to our room, I enter her mind hearing her saying she
wishes she could take the pain away. If there was something I would
strongly agree with, it is that. I have learned that overall, Logan
is a good man and didn't deserve the hell he went through a hell
caused by prejudice.
The next morning, Logan and Danielle are out in the courtyard
supervising the kids as they play. There is a radio nearby and I can
hear the song playing.
Now and Foreverwritten by Richard Marx
from the CD "Paid Vacation"
Whenever I'm weary
From the battles that raged in my head
You made sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way, but still you
Seem to understand
Now and Forever,
I will be your man
Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune
That Heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you
Each and every way I can
Now and Forever,
I will be your man
Now I can rest my worries
And always be sure
That I won't be alone, anymore
If I'd only known you were there
All the time,
All this time.....
Until the day the ocean
Doesn't touch the sand
Now and Forever
I will be your man
Now and Forever,
I will be your man.
I watch Danielle lean close to Logan. His arms possessively hold her
tight and he looks deep into her eyes. In his mind, I hear him
telling her how he loves her now and forever.