Title: A Kiss Goodbye
Summary: "All he wants is to curl up in his ex-boyfriend's lap
before the end."
The war's over. We lost.
There are bodies all around me
my teammates. Some were even my
friends, people I cared about despite the circumstances. People who
accepted me regardless of what I am.
Nobody's moving. Nobody's breathing. They're all dead.
It hits me then, out of nowhere: _I'm dying too._ That dull pain in
my stomach is actually a gaping hole. The liquid warmth on my hands
and neck is my own blood. That's why I can't get up or turn my head.
I'm going to die.
The thought doesn't scare me too much. I'd been trained for this
we all knew it would end this way, and some of us might
not make it. No one _wanted_ this to happen, but Magneto kept pushing
and Xavier kept pushing back, and they went and killed each other
anyway so it was all for nothing.
I'm lying there, wondering how long it'll take when the memories
start dancing before my eyes, broken images and sounds and feelings
_The thrill of finally donning the uniform_
_His legs clenched around my waist, rocking in a steady rhythm_
_"I'm a mutant, Dad."_
_"I can't be with you anymore."_
_Stryker's soldiers are in the mansion... they're coming for us!_
_Steam filling our room as I come inside him, screaming into his neck_
_Ronny sneering at us from his window as the cops surrounded the
_"When did you know? That you were
like me?" "What, a mutant?" "No
you know, the other thing
_He smiles shyly and leans in, and our lips touch; so hesitant, so
careful, so electric_
The tears are streaming down my face before I realize I'm crying.
What a waste. What a fucking waste. I made so many mistakes
that's the joke, isn't it? I only figure this out when it's too late.
There's a light shining in my eyes, but I can see a shadow rising
above it, blocking it out. They've come to finish the job. Go ahead.
I'm not afraid, you fucking bastard
Leather bends and stretches as he kneels next to me. Oh shit, oh
fucking Christ please no, anyone but him, I don't want to see him
"J-John?" Bobby Drake's voice is a mixture of disbelief and
horror. "Jesus, John, what
He pulls my tattered uniform up, exposing my stomach and the three
neat puncture holes, lined up horizontally.
And it hurts, it hurts so much to open my mouth and talk, but the
sound gurgles out anyway. "W-Wolverine
tried t'burn him
know it was m
" My words are slurring; it's taking more and more
effort to make them sound right, to stay awake. There was a time when
Bobby could make everything all right. But it hasn't been that way
for so long. I wonder if Logan will ever figure out that he did this.
I wonder if he'll care.
Bobby's still beautiful as sin, and the years have been kind to him.
Those blazing blue eyes haven't lost any of their sparkle, and he
really fills out the uniform. Me, I'm a fucking wreck and I know it.
I have so much blood on my hands, and only some of it is mine. It
never really bothered me, being in the Brotherhood, doing what I had
to do. But I think it was just easier for me to pretend that John
Allerdyce never left Alkali Lake, that Pyro had boarded the
But Pyro's not the one who's been stabbed in the gut by his berserker
ex-teacher. Pyro's not the one who's leaking all over the floor.
Looks like Johnny survived after all, and all he wants is to curl up
in his ex-boyfriend's lap before the end.
"I'm sorry, John." Iceman murmurs, pulling my head into his lap. It's
so quiet around us; looks like the rest of the X-Men have headed into
the main compound. Bobby's fingers run through my hair; right, last
last time he saw me I was a brunette. But it was easier to look in
the mirror after I dyed it blond. Easier to believe someone else was
looking back at me.
He touches me like he used to: soft, almost scared, like I'll break
if he squeezes too hard. Not much point in worrying about that now,
though. Can't get much more broken with this.
made our choices." I say. Sure, I have regrets. I wish I
hadn't firebombed that Parliament building in London; the fire spread
to a nearby apartment complex and six people died. I wish I hadn't
slept with that Cajun guy Mystique brought in; the sex was great, but
I just felt cheap when it was over
and big surprise, he didn't even
stick around long enough to tell me his name.
I wish I'd said goodbye before leaving. It wasn't right, to just
disappear like that. I wish I could've been happy for Bobby and
Rogue; I don't hate her for taking him away from me. And I wished
I'd thanked Magneto and Xavier, because they both taught me so much
and I know I could've been a better person if I hadn't had to choose
one or the other. Things might've been different. Maybe I'd be
standing there with Bobby, looking down at all these poor bastards
who picked the wrong side of the fight. But none of that happened, and
that's why he's going to walk out of here and I won't.
He pulls me closer, presses his cheek against mine. "Hang on
" he whispers, and I can't help laughing; but it's a
pathetic little sound that breaks into a coughing fit. I feel like
I'm sinking in tar as I shake my head. I don't want to be saved. I
don't deserve it.
gonna make it
" I hate that my voice is cracking, that I
sound so weak. But I _am_ weak. My eyes are out of focus and he's
just a big blur now; I reach for him, I pull him down to me. I can't
be the most attractive person on the battlefield, seeing as how I'm
shredded and filthy and I think there's blood in my mouth. But I
don't want to die like this. I don't want to die alone. And I
don't want to die with the most important thing left unsaid.
"I love you, Bobby." If there was ever anything real, anything good
about my life, it was him.
Everything goes black as I kiss him. His lips taste like vanilla ice-
cream, smooth and cool and sweet, and I remember one time, right
before summer break, when we
Author's Note: No, the ending is not a typo. Figure it out. ;)