Darker Destiny: Dreams In My Heart
By Nadja Lee 14/05/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe/an AU. Before the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Summary: A young woman works, thinks and waits
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Story premise for this series: A what if story. What if there had never been any X-men? What if Xavier had never founded the group or the school? What would have happened to our heroes and villains then?
Warning: May contain disturbing elements. This is a VERY dark tale! You have been warned.
Sequel/series: Part of the Darker Destiny series.
Thanks to Estelle for the Beta.
Have you ever wondered what it is like when everything goes in circles
Its all the same. This wasnt where I thought Id end up when I ran away from home; not at all. I go on the same street, work in the same restaurant; even the costumers have begun to look alike. I feel like Im being strangled. All the dreams I once had, where have they gone?
I fear none of them will ever come to pass. There is nothing left here. Its as if time has slowed down and I cant breathe. Its like Im being strangled, slowly dying inside.
I have never been good at reaching out to people and as a result Im alone. I wake up, go to work and go home. Thats all. The same every day. I know I could do more but something always holds me back. I know what I have; I dont know what Ill get. Its a risk I dare not take.
I know Im being stupid and I hate myself for it. I should take charge, go out there and look for Prince Charming myself. Whats the odds hell just walk through the door and ask me out? One in a billion and even that it is too high. I know this yet some dreams never die or is it some fears?
Why cant I do it? Why cant I tear myself loose? I keep telling myself all kinds of excuses but none of them explains to me why I cant break free. What is wrong with me? The more I think about it the more I begin to hate myself for my cowardliness. I wish I could be like those confident women, going somewhere; anywhere. But Im not. Im just not and I have to live with that.
How? How do you live with that? I dream. I dream a lot. I dream myself off to distant galaxies, distant worlds, into romance novels, off to strange countries and into the arms of one handsome man who loves me more than life itself. Dreams, nothing but foolish dreams yet theyre all I have. Theyre all I ever had. Ive never had someone; ever and I begin to fear I never will. I wish I could say there was a reason, any kind of good reason. That I had chosen it as such
..that I was a nun. But Im not. Its fear that keeps me back. All I ever wanted from life was a man who loves me and whom I can love back. But I begin to understand that thats too much to ask for.
I play music all the time. I hate the silence. In the silence I begin to think and I cant allow myself that for if I do Ill begin to cry and may never stop. No, I need the music to keep playing, I need the escape. In music I do not need to think, in music I can float far away. No thoughts and no bonds. I need the music. I need it. I have to hear it play in my mind for my own thoughts scare me.