Thanks for reading, y'all, and welcome to the end of the ride. I hope you
My life is complex. Damned complex. Even if I were a lowly mutant with the
ability to sharpen pencils with my mind or just have funny coloured hair and
three toes per foot, it'd still be complex.
But add all the people lodged up in my head, and I've got the thought
processes that would give Freud a migraine.
And then there's 'Ro. She means well, she really does. But she sees me
through this idea that 'cause I could be something better, I should want to
strive for that goal, and that just doesn't work with my life.
Carol would say it's not meant to fucking-- vulgarity definitely included--
I almost agreed.
The X-Men were my haven, were my friends, were my place I could be what I
thought I was, and apparently, they always would be. Even after a good run
of living the junkie life and nearly sucking an Avenger dry, they're still
looking out for me.
One of these days, I swear I'll appreciate it.
But three days to decide to go back to what I had before? Not an easy
thought to deal with. Logan was still gone. Jean was apparently still not
back to one hundred percent. The biggest city I've ever been in was in a
state of revolving chaos that might get us, we mutants, into the position of
a hunted demon.
Also, Xavier would be pissed as hell.
Shitty hotels and shittier dealers were easier to face than him. I could
break Richard's nose and not flinch, but the almighty Xavier-- Carol enjoyed
puffing him up and the mocking his position-- for him, I still cowered like
a stupid little teenager.
Hell, even having Roberto in my head 'cause I gave into his urging and took
a moment of physical pleasure seemed less difficult to endure.
When I was a kid, life seemed so much easier. Choices were simpler, and had
faster results. Me, I'm trying to figure out my life in the near future and
running into proverbial walls.
Carol's laughing at me. Laughing at my indecision. My lack of faith in
myself. My inner conflict.
God, I miss heroin.
I probably always will.
stay tuned for more of this A/U at: http://www.greymalkinlane.com/caligo/
"Life? Life's pretty much a knife fight in a dirt covered bar; and if they
get you down, you best get back up." "Last Call at the Broken Hammer,"