By Nadja Lee 03/12/01
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it. Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Romance: Scott/Kitty, Logan/Rogue
Summary: Kitty does some more thinking about her feelings towards Scott.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@...
Sequel/series: Sequel to More Than That
Dedicated to Leah for wanting me to write Scott/Kitty and Karen for the story idea.
I want to tell him, I want to reach out to him. Every time he stops by my desk in class I want to say it, I want to tell him
and every time the words get stuck in my throat. Hell smile at me and move on
and Ill mentally prepare yet another speech for him
a speech Ill never dare to say.
What if he doesnt feel the same? What if he thinks Im just a foolish child who doesnt know what I want? Im scared. I fear his answer should I tell him yet every night I dream of his arms around me. In my dreams he always loves me, the situation is never tense, it's never a bad time, someone never interrupts
and from somewhere I always hear this very romantic song. Like a fairytale.
I should tell him, open up and show him my love but Im so afraid. Will he reject me? Does he love another? Ill feel like such a fool should I declare my love only to hear him say Im like a sister or friend or whatever
I dont think my heart could survive that.
Im so confused. I dont know what to do. If I do nothing I could let my love slip away from me yet to say something would mean a risk of getting hurt
a risk that the words out his mouth wont be I love you but Im sorry but
As long as I live in ignorance I can still pretend but the day I ask him what he feels Ill not even have dreams. Only cold, hard reality.
But dreams are like dust; you cant hold on to them forever. Someday theyll fly away. If reality could be like dreams, life would be Paradise.
So, should I? Should I tell him how much I care, how much he means to me? Should I tell him that I long for him to hold me, that Ive saved my first kiss for him? Should I tell him that? Should I tell him that the day first starts when I see him, that I can see the world turn in his hands, that a smile from him brightens my day and makes me float on a little cloud for days, that I feel a shock of electricity whenever he touches me? Should I tell him?
Should I risk it all and take him in my arms and whisper tender words in his ear? Should I close my lips on his and promise him my heart forever? Should I swear him my undying love forever?
I know what Rogue would tell me to do and normally I listen to her for she has been there with her heart out in her hands...and she won her man.
Shell tell me that love is the greatest gift, that it is the reason for living and that its worth risking everything for. Shell tell me to talk with him, open up, and tell him I care, shell tell me to tell the truth for only the truth will set me free.
Jubilee would tell me to go for it, to take a chance. Shes so much more free spirited than I am; she dares so much more. Yet I long for what she suggests. Shell tell me to touch him, to take him in my arms, to let my fingers run through his hair and caress his cheek, shell tell me to show him my love through my touch and my lips.
Ororo would say that love never should be denied and that its a natural part of life. Shell tell me to do what I felt was right, shell tell me to believe more in myself, shell tell me that maybe Scott have the same doubts as I, shell tell me to forget the restricting rules of society and ask him, shell remind me that Scott is used to having his love thrown back in his face, that once bitten twice shy, that his small gestures; a smile, a helping hand, good grades and an appreciation of my opinions can be his way of saying I love you
I dont know. I just dont know. I want to tell him, I truly want to
. but do I dare? Everything is so confusing. Im sure of only one thing; that I love him and always will.
Now the only question is does he love me
. and can I let him walk away when I have so much to say?