This story is in my opinion my darkest story yet.
Let me repeat that; this is a VERY dark story. It contains disturbing elements.
Don't read unless you're sure you want to go here.
Flames will be sent to Sorcieré and she can do what she wants with them; in
Caught Between Man And Beast
By Nadja Lee 10/11/01
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century
Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I
make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the
author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without
permission of the author.
Timeline: After the movie
Romance: Logan/Rogue, slight Scott/Rogue
Summary: When love becomes lust, trust becomes fear
.what is left in a young
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@p...
Rating: R Disturbing elements
For Sorcieré. HA. Outdark this one *EG*
Thanks so much to Sorcieré for the Beta and kind suggestions.
Thanks a ton to Joanne for the grammar check.
My room is dark but through the curtains the moonlight
shines in. I finish brushing my hair and go to bed. As
Im almost asleep I hear the sound of my door opening.
I sit up in bed and see the shape of a man entering.
He moves closer and my heart beat wildly in my chest.
"Logan?" I ask into the quiet room.
I get no reply but the man keeps coming closer. I
begin to get scared. Who is he? I draw the sheet
closer up around my body.
The moonlight falls on the mans face and I sigh in
relief. Its Logan. Though Ive got friends at school
no one will ever mean as much to me as Logan. He was
the man who found me, rescued me, gave me hope for a
"You scared me, sugah. Whats wrong? Did you have
another nightmare? Want to talk about it?" I ask him
worried. Sometimes when he has nightmares he comes to
me. He doesnt tell me about them but somehow seeing
me helps him. He always has that hunted, almost far
away look in his eyes after a nightmare and I just
wish I could make it all go away.
He doesnt reply just moves closer to me. I make room
for him on the bed. Why wont he talk to me? Say
something. It must have been a very bad dream.
"Ah still cant get over how the Professor helped me
to control ma powers. Ahm so happy," I say, more just
to break the silence than anything else and smile to
try and cheer him up.
Though Im now able to touch again, for which Im more
happy than words can describe, I still havent touched
the man, the person, who I long to touch more than
anything. Logan. For the last weeks he has been
drifting away from me. When Ive asked him about it he
has either denied it or told me he was dangerous for
me. I could never believe him a danger to me. Never.
Logan is now all the way over to me and sits by my
bedside. I look worriedly at him and wonder if I
should take his hand in mine.
"Sugah, you sure you´re alright? You look
I ask concerned. His eyes looks
wild, his hair is
messy and his mouth is covered in a snarl. He looks
more like a beast than a man but Im not afraid. I
know hell never hurt me. He practically gave his life
for me at the statue. Hes my champion, my
the man I love. Hell never hurt me.
Logan reaches for me and before I know whats
happening he has me pinned hard against the bed and
"Logan! Whatre you doing?!" I try to keep the panic
out of my voice but dont quite succeed. Again he
doesnt reply but he bends down and claim my mouth
with his own. I try to avoid his lips but he
forcefully turns my head back towards him. The kiss is
nothing like I have dreamed my first kiss with Logan
should be; it hard, brutal and when he pulls back I
tastes blood on my lip.
. Logan, please," I beg but the look in his
eyes is without mercy, only filled with lust, with
"Dont!" I scream but too late as he tears my night
grown in pieces.
He lies heavily over me and no matter how much I try
to move him he doesnt move an inch. My powers
But before I get to think things through I feel
something hard against my inner thighs and flick in
repulsion. Whoever this man is, he isnt Logan. Not my
Logan. Not the man I love. That is my last conscious
thought as I fight a losing battle to avoid his hands,
mouth and cock and fail at all three.
Then time seems to stand still, the world seems to end
and I escape to a place in my mind to keep from dying.
Finally when its all over
there is merciful
"Rogue! Good God. What happened?" someone says and I
blink and look up into Scotts shaded eyes. He bends
over me on the bed and instinctively I try to move
away from him. He reaches for me.
"NO! Leave me alone," I cry but he doesnt listen. He
lifts me up into his arms and carries me out the room.
As I look over his shoulder I see the bed is soaked in
blood; my blood.
"Shhhh. Ill never hurt you. Ill never allow anyone
to hurt you. Ever again," Scott whispers softly as I
hide my face by his shoulder. I feel so
. I dont know
what I feel. Right now I just feel numb.
He reaches sickbay and gently puts me in a bed. First
now do I begin to feel pain. My stomach hurts, my
abdomen feels like its been torn in two and I
generally feel as weak as a kitten. I dont want to
think; to acknowledge what has happened. I wish itd
all just go away.
"Ill get Jean," he promises but I catch hold of his
arm. "No. No one is to know," I whisper. I cant bear
the thought of their pity
the shame. He nods in
"Ill stay with you then," he promises and moves away
to warm some water and get a clean white hospital
"I need to remove the rest of your clothes so I can
wash you," Scot says softly as he comes with a washing
Ahll do it myself," I insist. I cant have his
hands on me too. I try to take the cloth from him but
I drop it. Im too weak to even hold it. He picks it
up and soaks it in warm water again.
"Ill not touch you more than I have to and Ill be
quick and gentle," he promises and begins to wash my
arms. I close my eyes and wish him and this entire
night far away.
"I know what youre going through. Itll get better.
It might seem like the end of the world now but
youll live. Somehow," he says softly.
"How do you know?" I ask pained. I cant see how I can
move on. I still love Logan thats the hard part, the
insane part. I dont want to know this; to know I can
love a man who has done this to me
for how can I?
Doesnt that make me as sick as him? Just as twisted,
just as insane? No, no, no! This is NOT happening!
Please God, say this is not happening. Logan cant
have done this to me; he just cant. For if he did
then Ill be truly sick since I still
. since I still
"Because I still live. I may not ever live as I once
did but I still breathe, I still get up every morning.
Im taking each day at a time and thats the only way
to do this," he explains. In shock I open my eyes and
sees he is watching my belly now. I begin to shake all
"Dont. Close your eyes," he says and puts a hand over
my eyes. My shaking slowly stops.
" I begin softly.
"Yes. As a young boy I was raped. I do know what
youre going through. I do know," he whispers pained.
I dont know what to say to that. I feel
. relieved to
know Im not alone. I dont feel so wrong
"You can open your eyes now," Scott says and as I do I
see he has finished washing me. He must have talked
with me to keep my mind occupied. I want to say thanks
but no word comes over my lips. He smiles kind of
"I know," he says and helps the white growl over my
head and puts the linen around my body.
"Rogue, I need to know
. who did this?" his voice his
filled with suppressed anger and an intense hate. I
shouldnt tell him; a part of me wants to tell him yet
Logan," I whisper and as its out I want to take it
back. No, not Logan. He would never do this to me.
"Stay here. Youll be safe here," Scott promises and
"Scott! Scott, dont! Scott!" I yell after him but
its too late. No, it cant have been Logan. Logan
loves me, Logan loves me
"Logan loves me, Logan loves me
" my chanting is
reflected against the walls and unnoticed tears runs
down my cheeks as I pull my knees up under me and
slowly rock back and forth.
"Get up, you bastard!" Scott demands and tears the
sheet off Logans sleeping body. Logan wakes at once
and pops his claws.
"What are you doing in my room, One-Eye?" Logan
"Settling a score," Scott answers, his voice
"Is this about Jean?" Logan asks tiredly.
"No. This is about Rogue. About tonight. About how you
broke her," Scott says angrily.
"What? I was nowhere near Rogue! Youre out of your
mind," Logan protests.
"Look at yourself," Scott demands and Logan turns
towards his mirror. His entire body is covered in
blood. Rogues blood.
"Oh, dear God," Logan whispers in horror.
"Save your prayers. He cant help you now," Scott says hatefully.
"You dont understand. It wasnt me," Logan protests
and feels like hes to be sick. Just the thought that
he harmed the woman he loves so much
its killing him.
"Spare me," Scot spats and his hands move to his
tell Marie I love her," Logan whispers brokenly
and redraws his claws. He cant bear the thought of
continuing living with the knowledge of what he has
done. He was supposed to be her champion, her saviour.
For her he should be only Logan; a man. Not Wolverine;
not a beast. Never a beast. For her it should have
been possible. He had wanted it to be true so badly
for he had wanted her so, loved her so. He would
rather die than harm her, he would kill anyone who dared
to ham her
now he was forced to admit that the
greatest threat to the woman he loved more than life
was himself. He had done her more harm with his
love than anyone person had ever done with their hate.
He didnt deserve to live when the woman he loved was
scared forever because of him. He had no reason to
live, nothing to hold on to. He had nothing left but pain,
regret and shame.
Then a red beam left Scotts eyes and there was
nothing left to be said.
"Here you are, Rogue. Ive looked all over for you,"
Scott said as he later that night finally found Rogue on the Mansion
roof. She stood by the edge looking down.
Rogue turned to him and tears were in her eyes.
"I cant live without him," she sniffed.
"He wasnt worth your love," Scott said softly.
"It wasnt him. It was the beast. Not a man. It was a
beast!" she sounded almost hysterical.
"Lets go back," Scott said kindly and reached for
her. She shook her head.
"I cant." She moved closer to the edge.
"Marie?" Scott asked softly, slowly reaching for her.
She turned around and suddenly she smiled.
"Logan? I knew you would come. I knew you wouldnt let
that beast harm me again," she said happily and
reached for him.
Scott frowned slightly but then smiled sadly at her
and took her offered hand. She pulled him over to
stand at the edge.
"Do you love me?" she asked softly. Scott stroked a
loose hair behind her ear.
"Always. Always," he said softly and tears fell down
his cheeks. So young, so broken
so like him.
"Ahm not afraid now that youre here," she whispered
and squeezed his hand tight.
"Ill never leave you" Scott promised. "For
"And Ah you," she whispered and smiled at him.
Scott looked over the edge. This was for the best. To
end it all tonight. No more pain, no more hiding, no
. freedom at last. For him and for her.
Here and now, all the pain could disappear, all the
nightmares would end, all the wounds would stop
tonight he could finally find peace.
All the pain in his childhood, all the pain in his
heart, tonight it could all end. All he had to do was
take one small step with Rogue.
He looked closely at Rogue. Her eyes seemed strangely
out of focus yet happy; insane. An insane and false
happiness she found here tonight. If she took this
step tonight shell always be happy. If he denied her
she would feel what he had felt all his life; the
pain, the nightmares, the insecurity and worse of all
the shame and hiding.
This was her decision and he felt he had no right to
deny her this. Enough people had told him what he
could and couldnt do; he had sworn never to do the
same to others. She had the right to choose and she
had chosen. And so had he. Death couldnt be any worse
than the life he had lead even if then he went to Hell. Death was
oblivion. It had to be for if it wasnt then
there was no peace on Earth, not even in death.
Rogue turned to look at him and he smiled kinda sadly
and squeezed her hand tight. For the first time in his
life he wouldnt be alone. Never alone, never afraid,
never ever again.
Then she took a step forward
. And he didnt let go.