Title: Can't Run Forever (1/?) PG slash themes
Author: J. Marie (jmariewolvie@...
Feedback: Would be very much appreciated!
Disclaimer: The characters and universe of X-Men are the property of 20th
Century Fox and the Marvel Entertainment Group. This story is for
entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended.
Pairing: Logan, Scott
Genre: Slash theme, introspection
Summary: Scott's response to Logan's letter.
Series/Sequel: Sequel to Run by Chris (TEUFELCE@...
Archive: If you want it - please just let me know where.
Thanks to: My best bud, Chris, for always being there and for spending her
nights building interesting little X-Men worlds with me through fic. Merci,
mon meilleure amie! Danke, meine sehr gutt freunde!
CAN'T RUN FOREVER - PART 1
I don�t know what to say. I�m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to get
your letter, probably as shocked as you�ll be to get mine. You�re not weak,
Logan, fear doesn�t make you weak and sometimes walking away takes more
courage than staying.
Yeah, you�re on my bike, and I didn�t know you had a tail but that�s one
lucky appendage. Sorry, just trying to break up the tension a little, I
shouldn�t have wrote that. I�d start over but this is about the hundredth
time I have and � well I�m not going to again.
I always seem to get stuck right about here. I� I�m just going to move past
this point and try to respond to the rest of your letter. I think you�ll get
"Perfect face and perfect smile". No, you should see me without the glasses,
they really do something for my face, namely hide half of it. I will admit I
have a pretty good smile but it�s not perfect, not by far. "Perfect clothes"
bought by the professor. "Perfect manners" you might have me there but it
only comes from fear, fear of rejection. "Perfect image" perfect illusion.
"Perfect girlfriend" that she is � or rather was. "Perfect life" perfect LIE.
Is that really how you see me? Guess I did a better job than I thought cause
I was sure that you saw right through it all.
You were pretty convincing. I guess that�s why I was so shocked to get your
letter. I really thought you couldn�t stand me. I � I didn't know how you
felt. The first time I saw you lying on the hood of your truck, unconscious
I� Shit, I don�t know, I don�t know what it was but it was � powerful. I�m
sure you�ve felt it before, probably even stronger, you just don�t remember.
Oh God, Logan, you don�t know how much I � wanted that too. I still do.
Are you kidding me? You�re the hottest man I�ve ever seen! You have no idea
how appealing �rugged� is. And, just for the record, I like your smile, it�s
mischievous and mysterious and damn sexy. It�s not like you had the
opportunities that the rest of us had, you�ve been on your own for a long
time. There�s nothing wrong with the way you dress or your manners or your
image, it�s just who you are. I wish I could be as straightforward as you
are. I wish I could get away with speaking my mind the way you do and not
have to keep it all bottled up inside, playing the part of some � "perfect"
and fearless leader. It�s bullshit! You�re not alone, Logan, at least you
don�t have to be. You haven�t found anything regarding you past yet? I
thought the professor had a good lead? Shit, sorry, none of my business,
right? Hey, you know, rough can be good, especially in our line of work but
its not how you are, not really. You care, Logan, maybe you don�t want to but
you do. I saw you with Rogue, on the Statue of Liberty. It was more than just
keeping a promise to protect her, you care about her; you were tender with
her in a way that I � mistakenly thought was beyond you. Never judge a book
by its cover, right? "Abrasive" its all an act, Logan, we both know that.
Believe me, I�ve been there, don�t let anyone close and you can�t be hurt,
right? And we�re all flawed, Logan, and contrary to what you said before,
even me. Hell, I have more than my share.
If you ask me you are the perfect one; free and unfettered. You don�t have to
care what people think about you. You can be yourself and don�t have to hide
behind a mask, or a pair of ruby quartz glasses. You can go where you want,
when you want to go. You don�t have to answer to anyone but yourself, be
responsible for anyone but yourself. I may have the smile but you�ve got the
body. Do you have any idea how � PERFECT your chest is? Shit, *I* almost
swooned the first time I saw it! Not to mention your� Uh, never mind.
Again I�m at a loss for words. I guess� Well you weren�t the only one lying
awake night after night. What it really was, was I didn�t want to believe it.
I didn�t want to believe that you wanted Jean. I didn�t know, Logan, but I
hoped, I prayed that it was all just a show, that I wasn�t imagining that �
spark I saw in your eyes that first day in the professor�s office. You know
that was the first time in my life that I was really grateful to have to wear
these damn glasses, if I hadn�t been, you would have seen everything. Oh, you
noticed that, did you? Well that�s not smarts, that�s fear. Fear of rejection
and scorn � fear for my life if I was wrong about what I thought I knew. That
last part is just a joke, by the way, so don�t take it seriously okay? Well
it�s nice to know that I was more successful than I thought I was. I was so
sure that I wasn�t fooling you at all, that you knew exactly what I was
thinking, how I was feeling and what I really wanted.
Damn, I wish� I�m sorry now that I hid it so well. Maybe � maybe if I was
better at reading people, had more confidence in my ability anyway, I could
have found the courage to � I don�t know, let you in, let you see, let you
know. Maybe you�d still be here then and I wouldn�t feel so � lost,
incomplete, like something I�d been missing all my life came for a brief
moment and then disappeared.
There is no shame in needing, Logan, we all need. Before you did � something
you�d regret? Like what? Never mind you don�t have to answer that. Yeah, I
know that he offered you a car but I wanted you to take my bike. You don�t
think I usually leave her outside, that close to the front door, with the
keys in the ignition? I wanted you to have her. I wanted to know that
wherever you were, there was a piece of me with you. Thanks, I�m glad to hear
she�s performing well for you, I spent a lot of time on her. She was my baby.
I don�t why I�m writing this either, no that�s not true, I do know, I�m just
too afraid to tell you, even now. It wasn�t easy tracking you down, you know,
but I have. I wouldn�t be sending this if I didn�t know you�d get it. I guess
I just want you to know that I�m thinking about you too, that I still lay
awake at night thinking about you, dreaming � about you. We both have to face
it, Logan; it�s not just you. I don�t know if that helps, or makes any kind
of difference at all but I � well I wanted you to know.
There�s been a lot of changes since you left, Logan, so "Xavier�s happy
little family" as you put it, isn�t quite so happy anymore. And just so you
know, I�m NOT glad you left, I�ll never be glad that you left. This doesn�t
have to be goodbye, Logan. You could come back. You CAN come home. I�ll watch
over Rogue until you work it out, until you get back. She is a great kid,
well she�s not really a kid anymore, and she�s making a wonderful addition to
the team too. Just for the record, Logan, she doesn�t need "someone" she
needs YOU! The team needs you. I need� I hope you change your mind and come
home. Until you do I�ll take care of us both; you take care of yourself too.
I might not be there to save your ass next time. Well, I guess I�ve written a
long enough book here, you�re probably sorry you decided to write. I�m glad
you did though. Thank you for giving me the opportunity � and courage to tell
you some of what I�ve been thinking � and feeling. I really hope you�re doing
all right, Logan, and I hope� I hope you�ll change your mind about returning.
Take care, okay? I hate the thought of you up there all alone, not that I
don�t think you�re more than capable of taking care of yourself. Anyway, I�m
just babbling now � I guess because I don�t want to say goodbye. I do want to
get this in the mail though so I�m going to close now. Be careful and � I�m
thinking about you.