Title: Cleaning Up
Codes: Humor, FOOF, bits of L/R, S/J rest of the kiddies running around
Disclaimer: Not mine, making no money, just doin' it for the love
Archive: List, all others please ask.
Summary: All those people, all those teenagers
if you were a door to door
sales woman in need of sales, wouldn't YOU go there?
Author's Notes: Thanks to Jenn for letting me borrow her Bobby and St
John. Ann, I promise, I'm starting it tomorrow, I just had to do silly first.
Feedback: Yes, please. I'm awful at responding, but it makes my world go
Anyone can make it in America.
Okay, so being born with a silver trust fund in your mouth makes it a lot
easier. Not having a cousin who falls for every 'get rich quick' scheme
helps a lot too. At this point, Lisa Deveroux would like to have the trust
fund and NOT have the cousin. Because if she didn't have the cousin she
wouldn't be forced to sell Mary Sue Cosmetics door to door, or if she had
the money, she'd just buy the required quota herself and be done with it.
But unfortunately for Lisa, while she had both the cousin and the quota,
she didn't have the money. Margot, Lisa's mother's brother's daughter had
fallen prey to the Mary Sue Cosmetic company spiel, and in lust for the
purple Hyundai awarded to the best saleswoman of the month, had paid for
the advanced sales package. Which meant that Margot needed to sell one
thousand dollars worth of Mary Sue to advance to the next round of sales
quotas. Which meant that * Lisa * was now having to sell one thousand
dollars worth of Mary Sue to make sure that Margot could extricate herself
from what Lisa was coming to call 'The Cult of Useless Purple Pod People'
or CUPPP. If Margot could sell one thousand dollars worth of Mary Sue's
Purple Pretties, then she could reclaim her original seven hundred and
fifty dollar investment in CUPPP, freeing herself (and Lisa) from the well
manicured clutches of Mary Sue's Cosmetics Empire.
Which led Lisa to her current position.
Standing at the front gate of the Xavier School for the Gifted.
Teenagers, cosmetics. Teenagers, shampoo, conditioner, gel, body wash, zit
cream. It was meant to be, right? She couldn't fail.
Lisa rang the bell again, waiting for someone to answer; desperately hoping
someone would answer. This had to work. Had to.
"Yo! Who's there?" inquired a female voice.
Lisa steeled herself and feeling like an idiot, started the Cult's spiel.
"Hi, I'm your Mary Sue Cosmetic Representative. I was wondering if anyone
here would be interested in purchasing some of our fine products."
"Make-up, huh? Well, couldn't hurt. I'll be down in a minute."
Lisa barely managed not to fall against the gate in relief, thanking her
lucky stars and an assortment of gods that it looked like she would at
least get in the door. Adjusting her purple outfit, cursing her luck that
she and Margot were the same size, Lisa prepared to meet what she hoped
would be the first of many clients. The young woman who came to the gate
was older than Lisa had expected from the voice, slightly younger than Lisa
herself; probably well into college age, maybe middle twenties.
Dressed in yellow. A Lot of yellow, a pair of sunglasses on her head
holding short, straight black hair back, big earrings swaying as she moved.
"Dude, that outfit
"Pretty awfully purple. I know. I look like Barney."
"Yeah chica. It's cruel almost, ya know?"
Lisa grinned, meeting a kindred spirit. Honesty would work with this girl,
she could tell. "I sell as much Mary Sue as you all can buy, and I can
dump this outfit in the nearest bin."
"Babe, that is more than enough of a good reason to let you in. You aren't
an evil mutant or anything, are you?"
Lisa blinked. "Definitely not evil, the outfit aside. Not a mutant, either."
The brown eyes narrowed slightly, "You have a problem with mutants?"
"Not really. Don't care if a person's blue and fuzzy as long as they're
willing to buy some of this cra
some of these fine products personally
developed by Mary Sue herself."
The brown eyes crinkled when the girl grinned. "Well, I think we can
provide that," she said cryptically. "Call me Jubilee, come on, let's go."
"Hello, Jubilee. Call me Lisa."
The girl led Lisa up the drive, taking one of the two large display cases
as they made their way up to the large manor house. Once there, Lisa
noticed that there were kids playing basketball on a court, and that one of
them had just
well, 'zipped' came to mind. He was at one end of the
court; then he was standing at the other end. And then there was
There was a young girl with - well... scales would be the proper term. No
wonder Jubilee had asked her about her feelings about mutants. Her mama
had always told Lisa Deveroux that being practical is worth ten of being
anything else. Don't think about what makes them different; just think
about what makes them good clients for the purple product line. You gotta
job to do, girl. Get it done.
Lisa noticed that her companion was looking at her shrewdly.
"You gonna be okay with this? It ain't a problem for ya?"
"Jubilee, like I said, the sooner I sell ya'll Mary Sue, the sooner I can
get rid of this purple outfit from hell."
"Gotcha. I think Kitty's in her room, you can start with the two of us."
"Sounds like a plan to me Jubilee."
Jubilee led the way to an elevator, thankfully bypassing a grand
staircase. Once on the third floor she started down the hall to a room and
knocked on the door.
"Kitty-cat? You in there? Gotta visitor."
Suddenly Lisa was staring at a face, short brown hair
staring at her from
the door. As in * through * the door. As in the girl's head was in the
door. That was interesting.
"Whoops. Okay, just a sec, 'kay?" The head disappeared from the door, and
Lisa could hear the door being opened, and momentarily, the head, now
attached to a body, stood in the doorway. "Sorry about that."
"That's okay Kitty-cat, she seems to be groovin' with it."
Lisa just nods and moves into the room with only moderate prodding from
"What up Jubes?"
"She's selling make-up stuff, you know, that Mary Sue stuff. We gotta find
something. If she sells she can get rid of that outfit."
The head-in-door girl smiles. "That is definitely a good cause. Purple
just isn't a good color for ya babe."
Lisa thought about it for a second and decides that confession is okay with
this crowd. "I think it's so the client looks good when compared to us."
All three of them nod at each other, and with the air of women raised in
the cosmetic culture start to play with things in the demo cases. It was
surprisingly fun for all of them, and in the end, the two women had bought
a goodly amount of Mary Sue.
"Okay Jubes, you have the Mango-Kiwi-Pineapple-Starfruit body and hair
collection and the nail and lipstick sampler. Kitty, you have the
Invisible Clarity skin set, and the Cherry body and hair package. You both
definitely have made the best choices. How do you want to handle the
The two young women looked at each other and grin. "Why don't you run a
tab, the professor could probably use a good write-off."
Lisa nods, knowing that Professor Charles Xavier is good for the money,
heck, even in Westchester he's well known for his sizable bank account.
Jubilee looks thoughtful. "You know, we could probably find you a few more
sales here. I think Bobby and St. John are in their room. Let's go check."
Lisa nods and leaving Kitty to go back to a desk covered in what looks like
college textbooks, they head down the long hall once again. Three doors
down, Jubes stops at a door and knocks. This time a blonde young man,
looking to be about the same age as Kitty and Jubilee answers the door.
"Whadda need Jubes?"
"Bobby, you and Johnny need any shampoo stuff? Lisa here is selling Mary
Sue stuff. We buy and she can get rid of the outfit. Be a dude."
The young man smiles at Jubes then turns a sweet smile on Lisa. "Sure,
what kind of stuff do you have, Lisa?"
Lisa and Jubilee bring the two demo cases in and place them on the bed,
another young, but blonder man turning from the desk in the corner to give
them a smirky smile.
"Hey Johnny. You and Bobby gotta buy some stuff from Lisa here."
With a raised eyebrow the tall Johnny comes over. "Isn't it just easier to
run over to the drug store?"
" Jubilee grumbles back.
"Okay, okay, okay."
The two take a look at the bottles, and Lisa reads the spiel from the
notebook Mary Sue so thoughtfully provides her Barneyrific cult.
"Bobby," Lisa starts, noticing the young man has found something that seems
to interest him. "Have you found something?"
The young man's blue eyes are dancing as he grins. "I think I want some of
this stuff," he says, pointing to the small red bottle.
"Okay, do you want shampoo and conditioner?"
"Yeah, that sounds good."
Jubilee looks at what Bobby has pointed out, and Lisa hears her laugh. "Oh
yeah, * very * good choice Bobby, very good."
"Okay, the 'Red Hots' bath set for Bobby Drake."
Lisa writes up the form, trying not to notice Jubilee leering at Johnny as
she reads the tag on the bottle. "For the man who can handle it Red Hot!"
Still ignoring Jubilee and Bobby, who are now lying on the bed with the
cases, laughing hysterically, Lisa turns to Johnny, who seems to be turning
a little red. "Johnny, anything you see interest you?"
Johnny's eyes go from Bobby and Jubilee on the bed, then light up as he
sees another little sample bottle. Picking it up he says, "I think I'd
like the set for this stuff." He clears his throat, "Glacier Bay, just
like climbing an icy peak." The laughing coming from the bed turns into
choking as Johnny smirks.
Lisa totals the sale and Jubilee tells her to just add it to the tab, and
leaving Johnny and Bobby laughing and rolling on the bed, they take the
cases to another room down the hall.
"I think 'Ro should be in, afternoon classes ended early today." Jubilee
knocks on the door and it is opened momentarily by lovely dark skinned
woman with bright white hair.
"What can I do for you and your friend, Jubilee?" the woman asks, giving
Lisa a warm smile.
"Lisa here is selling cosmetic stuff, so she can get rid of the purple
outfit," Jubilee nods as she tells 'Ro. "In the mood for some shampoo or
The woman looks with perceptive pity at Lisa, dressed in her awful purple
finery. "I believe I could use some shampoo now that you mention it Jubilee."
And once again, Lisa and Jubilee cart the demo cases into the room and set
them up on the bed and proceeds to give the Purple People Eater Cult spiel
and demo. She doesn't know how much of it convinces and how much was just
pity, but in the end she's made another sale, so really, she doesn't
"'Ro, I think you will definitely enjoy these two packages, 'Fragrant
Winds' and 'Summer Storms' are two of Mary Sue's best selling lines of hair
and body care products. And I'm sure that your friend
"Yes, Remy, will enjoy the spicy sandalwood of 'Bayou Nights'."
A enigmatic smile appears on the her face, "Yes, I believe that the scent
will fit Remy quite well." As she goes to retrieve a leather purse from
the desk, Jubilee tells her of the tab situation and she nods.
Jubilee looks thoughtful as they head to Ororo's door. "'Ro, you seen
Rogue or Jean anywhere today?"
"I think Jean and Scott are down in the language lab installing the new
computers. I am uncertain as to where Rogue is, though."
"Eh, we'll find them, thanks, 'Ro."
Once in the hallway Jubilee tells Lisa that they will talk to Jean and
Scott first. "Jean'll buy something, I'm sure. Dunno about Scott. He
might not get dirty." Taking the elevator they reach what seems to be the
classroom level. Jubilee heads straight to a room in the corner, and opens
the door while still knocking. "Jean? You in here?"
Waving to the man in the sunglasses in the corner of the room hooking up
what looks to be a few computers. Jubilee points once again to Lisa's
Barneyesque outfit and gives the speech about how they have to buy to save
Lisa from this fashion faux pas. She then turns it over so that Lisa can
give Jean the hard sell.
I'll get this set. Scott, don't you think that Strawberry
Shortcake is a good scent?"
"Do they have whipped cream too?"
"No, but we have buttermilk skin care."
"Better get some of that too, Jean."
Lisa nods enthusiastically as Scott helps her add to Jean's choices. When
Jubilee tells them of the running tab, Scott looks like he might object,
but then closes his mouth. Jean's furrowed brow clears as she turns from
Scott and tells Lisa that tab will be fine. When asked about anyone else,
Jean tells them that Hank is in the science lab next door. With a nod and
a "Thanks" they head to the science lab.
Lisa, remember what I said about Blue and Furry? Well, just be
ready, 'kay chica?"
"Hello Jubilee, what can I do for you and your young friend this afternoon?"
Lisa blinks at the large blue furry man behind the lab table. The large,
blue, furry, glasses wearing man behind the lab table.
"Hank! Bet you could use some good hair stuff, right babe? 'Cuz if you
get it from Lisa here she can free herself from this purple outfit wearing
cult. Ya gotta help us out, dude."
"Well, I believe that I could use some products of that nature,
Jubilee." Looking at Lisa he adds, "These products have never been tested
on animals, correct?"
Lisa looks at the slick pages of her notebook and product pack. "No. Says
here, 'Never tested on Animals'." She continues to look at the pages, and
honesty makes her add, "Looks like they might have tested some of the stuff
on teenagers in Mall Makeovers, though."
The blue furry Hank smiles slightly, "I expect it should be safe enough
then. I believe I will take this," he says, pointing to a sample
bottle. "Studies show that the scent of Peppermint stimulates the brain to
Lisa nods and puts down his order, as Jubilee explains the tab again, and
with a few more pleasantries the two leave, heading toward the kitchens
where the helpful Hank said he had left Rogue and Logan just a few minutes ago.
Entering the kitchen, Lisa sees a woman about Jubilee's age sitting on the
lap of a rather mean looking man.
"Roguey! You gotta buy some stuff from this chica, or she'll never get to
get rid of the outfit."
The man, with rather absurd muttonchops, well absurd until you look at him
closely, snorts at this. Running her hands over his flannel shirt the
woman tells him to shush. She also makes no effort to get off his lap when
Lisa and Jubilee put the cases down on the large butcher block table.
"Whadda got in citrus, Lisa?"
"We have the Citrus Blast full body and hair collection, a very light but
definitely citrusy scent."
whadda ya think sugar?" Rogue opens the bottle and motions to Logan
"If that's what you want, Marie, then get it." Rogue-Marie nods to Lisa,
who writes in the order.
"You want some coffee Lisa?"
"That would be nice Jubilee, thanks."
"Is there anything that would interest you here Logan?" Lisa is bound and
determined to make as many sales as she can.
"Not really a pretty smellin' kinda guy." He leans in and sniffs Rogue,
his nose in her neck, under her hair. "If I'm gonna smell, I'll smell like
"Oh," Lisa says, remembering the question from the last sell, "Mary Sue
products have never been tested on animals."
Rogue's smile gets wider and she once again picks up the little bottles of
Citrus Splash shampoo and body wash. "Really? Never tested to see what
reaction animals have to them?"
"No, Mary Sue is very pro-animal."
"Oh, so am I sugar, so I am I."
"Hey Lisa, you want cream and sugar in your coffee?" Lisa turns to tell
Jubilee how she likes her coffee, and when she turns back, the chair across
from her is now empty. And the samples of Citrus Blast are missing from
Jubilee puts her coffee on the table and hands Lisa her cup. "Don't worry
about it. Better double her order though."
Lisa nods, and she and Jubilee go down the list of products and work out a
general list of things for the kids at the school, making Lisa almost light
headed as she tries to add up the total in her head. One stop and she
might make half or more of her needed amount, thanks to the bulk orders
here and the case orders this afternoon.
Finishing their coffees, Jubilee helps Lisa pack up the papers. "We better
go see the professor now."
Lisa nods, happy enough in her sales to want to go see the money man.
When they reach the large study at the end of the main hall, Jubilee
knocks, and this time waits for a response before opening the door.
"Professor, this is Lisa, from Mary Sue Cosmetics, we had to buy stuff from
her, so she can get rid of that purple outfit."
The bald man in the wheelchair smiles at them both. "Well, that is sound
logic, Jubilee. Why don't you leave Lisa here and we will work out," he
looks pointedly at Jubes, "the tab."
"Sure thing Professor," Jubilee says as she bolts for the door.
Lisa feels uncomfortable, and is desperately hoping that today will not be
a bust after all. "I hope this isn't going to be a problem
"No, I do not believe it will be. We have to buy all those things anyway."
"Is there anything you would like for your personal use professor?" Lisa
shows him the whole collection, knowing that as the money man he at least
deserves the whole song and dance.
"I believe I will take one of these, the number one."
"Green Apple, a very clean scent indeed, professor. What quantity would
"I believe one will suffice."
The brown eyes blink at her. "One bottle."
"Yes, of course."
"What is the total for the school, Lisa?"
wow. Seven hundred seventeen dollars and fifty eight cents."
The professor just nods at what to Lisa is obscene total, and starts making
out a check.
As she takes the check Lisa gives the professor the assurances that all
Mary Sue Cosmetics will arrive within a week, satisfaction
guaranteed. Still in a state of purple euphoria at her sale, Lisa is
escorted back down the drive by Jubilee.
"So, good day's sales?"
"Definitely Jubilee. Thank you so much."
"No problem chica. Glad to know I could help out a fashion victim."
Lisa grins back at her and throws her purple cases into the trunk.
Continuing to wave at the fading yellow that is Jubilee as she drives down
Greymalkin Lane, Lisa ponders how glad she is that she stopped at the
Xavier Institute. Pulling over, she takes out the check. Staring at it
she has to acknowledge, she really managed to clean up.
"The Road Runner has lessons to teach us all. Cheerfulness. Persistence.
The usefulness of loud noises in the face of one's enemies, or better
still, behind their backs." - Hank McCoy to Logan, Empire's End by
Elisabeth A Shanley
AIM SN: Infamous Beth
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