Title: Lapse of Reason (1/?)
Author: Chris (teufelce@...
Genre: Romance/Action/Character Study
Rating: PG-13 so far, for profanity
Summary: Logan and Rogue try to deal with their developing feelings for
another, amidst sudden change
Thanks to: Tracie, who has trusted me enough to let me develop her idea,
Jo and Z, as always, they know why...
Disclaimer: The characters of X-Men (i.e. Logan, Professor Xavier, etc.)
Marvel Comics and Twentieth Century Fox Pictures. This
story is for
entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement
Archive: Hell yes, just please let me know where.
Logan stared out the window of the dark blue sedan, watching the wooded
landscape of northern Vermont slide by at an agonizingly slow pace.
"I still don't know why we couldn't just fly up here," he muttered irritably,
fidgeting in his seat and wishing he were anywhere but in this car. Kicking
himself for giving in to those damn 'noble urges' that had brought him back
to the X-Men a year after the incident with Magneto, that had convinced him
to sign on for the duration... That's not the only reason you came back, a
tiny voice whispered inside him and he shoved it back down ruthlessly. Best
not to start thinking about that, not with her sitting only inches away. Not
with the fresh, clean scent of her hanging so heavily in the air of the back
"I've told you already, Logan," Cyclops' voice interrupted Logan's thoughts,
and with a sigh of relief, he turned his attention back to the driver of the
car. And away from the slim figure of the young woman who sat sleeping next
to him, her head resting on the back of the car seat, nylon gloved hands
tucked demurely into her lap... "The Professor got a report of possible
Brotherhood activity in the area and he wanted us to check it out, *without*
being obvious about it. So, we drive, while the jet gets a complete systems
check. Besides, I thought you'd be happy about this - you hate flying and
since we're trying to avoid attracting attention, you don't even have to wear
"Still not worth having to sit in a car with you for eight goddamn hours..."
Logan growled out, patting down his pockets for a fresh cigar to at least
*chew* on, even if Jean wouldn't let him light it. Scott started to turn his
head, an angry retort on his lips, when the red headed woman in the front
seat next to him interrupted.
"Scott, honey, just ignore him and keep your eyes on the road, please?"
Jean's voice was soft and patient, and Logan bit back a smile as he watched
the bunched muscles of Cyke's neck begin to relax. They'd been married for
three months now and, if anything, were more sickeningly devoted to each
other than ever before. Just made those moments when he managed to get a
rise out of Cyclops all the more enjoyable.
"Well, at least change the radio station - if I hear one more damn NSync
song, I don't care who's car it is, it's gonna have a radio-size hole in the
dashboard..." he muttered, sliding the claws of one hand out to emphasize his
point. Scott ignored him, but Jean laughed.
"Logan, they don't get many stations up here. This is the best we can do."
"Great. Just my luck - to be stuck in a car with him *and* that shit they
"Logan, language..." Jean said, raising an eyebrow towards Rogue's sleeping
form as she turned in her seat to face him.
"Oh give me a break - she's eighteen, for christ's sake! She's heard a lot
worse, I'm sure," he muttered, eyes focused on the passing scenery and
avoiding looking at the figure in question. He could see Jean's eyes narrow
in the reflection on the glass.
"Thank you." The only reply he gave was a grunt and Jean soon turned back
around in her seat. Leaving him alone with his thoughts...
He's stayed away from the X-Men for a little over a year, travelling around
the frozen wastelands of northern Canada in his search for clues to his past.
Saying goodbye to Rogue that sunny afternoon had been one of the hardest
things he'd had to do - seeing those warm, chocolate brown eyes looking up
into his with desparation. //I don't want you to go// she'd said, and those
words had done things to his insides that had frightened him. That had
convinced him that, more than anything, he'd made the right decision to
leave. She was young, she was innocent, and damnit, he wasn't the sort of
man she deserved. Even if they *could've* touched, he was too rough, too
damaged for the likes of her. Better to just get out before he lost control
of himself and did something they'd both regret...
It had worked for all of four months. He patted himself on the back, told
himself he'd done the 'right thing'. Then, one afternoon, he'd been sitting
on the bike. Just sitting and staring out over a mountain meadow that was
still full of the blooms of late summer. And he'd found himself thinking,
<Wish Marie could see this...> And the resulting emotions that the thought
had stirred up inside him sent him right into the nearest bar. Where he'd
spent the night getting royally shitfaced drunk and into more than one fight
with the locals. Despite all the alcohol that he'd consumed - enough to kill
a normal man - that night, as he lay on the ground staring up at the stars
through the overhanging pine branches, the thought of her was still clear in
his mind. That slight, self conscious smile of hers everytime he'd said
something that amused her... It made his heart ache just thinking about it.
That's when the thought slammed home that she'd gotten past his carefully
erected walls, past the gruff exterior, deep into the soul of him. He'd lain
awake for the rest of the night, as the effects of the alcohol wore off, just
staring up at the stars and thinking of her face...
He'd lasted another four months before he called the mansion. Four months of
searching during the day, and drinking himself into a stupor at night...
Jean had answered the phone, and it had taken him several seconds before he
could speak past the sudden tightening in his throat.
"Logan! How are you?" She'd sounded both surprised, and delighted to hear
from him, and he'd smiled for the first time in months.
"I'm fine. Just thought I'd let you all know I'm still alive up here..."
His voice had trailed off, unsure of what to say next.
"We were worried about you, Logan. All of us." Jean's voice was soft and
full of compassion as she spoke.
"I'm fine. How's.... how's Marie?" The words came out almost strangled, in a
rush, and there was a pause before Jean responded.
"She's... she's okay. She's fitting in well here, gets along alright with
the other kids, studies hard..." There was something in her voice though,
something hesitant, that worried him.
"But?" he prompted, all attention focused on the sound of silence at the
other end of the phone.
"Well... she's just... lonely, I guess. She keeps to herself alot, doesn't
even date any of the boys. Bobby asked her to a dance, and she said no. I'm
worried that she still feels alienated by her mutation and won't let anyone
get close to her. I tried talking to her about it and she insists that she's
fine. That she likes spending time alone." There was another pause, and
Logan was about to prompt her again when she finally spoke. "The only time
she shows any interest in things is when the mail comes... I think she
misses you, Logan." Those words were softly spoken, but full of meaning. In
her own kind, gently way, Jean was letting him know that Rogue's feelings for
him had not gone away with his absence. Had in fact, strengthened... He bit
back a curse and thanked Jean.
"Will you be coming home soon, Logan?"
"Not yet.... not yet, Jeannie..." Before she could ask when, he'd broken the
connection. Gone back into the bar the phone booth stood in front of, and
stared into his beer the rest of the night...
Two more months before he couldn't take it anymore. Before he convinced
himself that he was only going back because he hadn't found anything
searching the wilds of Canada, and they could probably use his help. When
he'd come roaring up the road to the mansion on Cyke's 'borrowed' motorcycle,
and Rogue had come running out the front door, as if she'd known it was him,
his mind had gone blank. Couldn't even think of any words to say, accept
'Hey, kid. Missed you.' Had wanted to kick himself for the look of pain
that flitted across her face before she threw her arms around him and hugged
him so tightly he couldn't breath. Had whispered in his ear, 'I missed you
too...' And suddenly, coming back didn't seem like such a bad idea at all...
Hadn't, in fact, until this damn mission two months later, that had landed
him trapped in a car driven by Cyclops (who, in his opinion, drove like a
seventy year old), and sitting less than a foot away from the one person he
should've stayed away from. The one person he wanted most, and couldn't
End of Chapter 1