On a first glance over, depending on where you submitted it to, the
biggest problem may be that it seems to be in script format rather
than in story format. Besides that there are a few grammar things that
I noticed. I can pinpoint them in a word document and e-mail it to
you, if you'd like?
--- In firstname.lastname@example.org, maria hernandez <fan_hp_21@...> wrote:
> im grateful that somebody has answered me. your help will be very
valuable to me. i wrote my first fanfic 2 weeks ago and supposely
posted on fanfiction site, though i couldnt find it which means-i
believe-they didnt post it. i could have written and posted in spanish
but i see nobody actually read them, so as youre gonna help me, im
gonna send the first chapter of my story, so you can check whats wrong.
<<<cut for length>>>