Somehow the irony of getting his wife pregnant and then leaving her for
Afghanistan gives me the distinct impression that John knows exactly what he
is in for and is going to Afghanistan for a good night's sleep...
----Original Message Follows----
From: "Daniel Dudley" <papadud@...
Subject: RE: [ujeni] Big announcement for us
Date: Sun, 01 Aug 2004 10:04:35 -0600
You conceived the child under a Pepsodent billboard in Africa? How kinky.
When we were deciding names for my kids, I kept throwing in "Ujeni" and
"Dzina". I thought that those would have resulted in interesting
expressions from people who said "What a beautiful name what does it mean?"
Congratulations, enjoy the full nights of sleep now, because if your child
is anything like mine, you will enjoy about 4 years of getting up almost
every night for something.
>From: John Patten <jppatten98@...>
>Subject: [ujeni] Big announcement for us
>Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2004 01:29:52 -0700 (PDT)
>Dear family and friends,
>We are very happy to announce that Eriko is pregnant
>with our first child. For my part, while primarily
>overjoyed, I by secondary measure ran around the house
>singing like Homer Simpson, the �My boys can still
>swim song,� along with the accompanying dance.
>Woo-hoo! It was also a very nice experience to finally
>take one of those home pregnancy tests where it wasn�t
>like the craps table at Caesar�s, with breathy
>exhortations of �C�mon blue!� But I guess now daddy
>really does need a new pair of baby shoes. I also took
>the test as a control, although mine was negative and
>I was vaguely, but only momentarily disappointed.
>We plan to name the child �Buckwheat Tralfaz Rasta,�
>partly in memory of the dearly departed Rasta Bike, if
>it�s a boy, or �Clementine Mango Chutney,� after the
>very nice breakfast spread and some song I can�t get
>out of my head, for a precious little girl. If we are
>blessed with twins we will just call them �George
>Foreman 7 and 8,� (because 1-6 are taken), or maybe
>just �Pepsodent,� out of respect for billboard name
>choices by mothers in Africa, and because that�s where
>she was conceived. Or maybe just after each and every
>one of you, although that might be a bit long to
>eventually fit on a driver�s license.
>We hope the baby will be a little like the better part
>of each of us, but have to plan for the eventuality
>that it may actually be closer to, �Calvin and Hobbes
>destroy Tokyo.� Please make sure we have your updated
>phone numbers, in order that I may call you at 3 am
>and ask where the off switch is on this thing. If you
>have an address where I can get the current manuals or
>government pamphlets that would be helpful too.
>Seriously though, we really wanted this and are both
>very happy. I�m looking forward to putting in all my
>effort, time and nurture in order that the kid will be
>able to come up to me eighteen years from now to
>inform me what a moron I am, while using proper
>grammatical clauses. We�ll let you know how things
>progress and especially after the big day. We�re
>already going to see the Obstetrician at the hospital
>here, but Eriko has cut short her contract extension
>and will be back in Japan around January, much to my
>relief. When I first asked at reception if I could
>make an appointment with the Obstetrician for my wife,
>they said, �For her eyes?� I said, �Maybe if there�s
>time, but for right now let�s stick with the baby
>On a lighter note, I�m heading back to Afghanistan in
>a matter of weeks now for my new job. I hope to be
>with Eriko as the date gets closer and not pinned down
>by shelling in eastern Afghanistan. I had enough fun
>with that the last time, so have already put in my
>request for calm. Although, if I find Bin laden we can
>afford the really good Pampers and the Pokemon
>tippy-cups. I have absolutely no idea what I�m talking
>about. Please remember Eriko in your prayers, because
>frankly, I don�t know how y�all women do it.
>John and Eriko
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