If it wasn't for that golden dawn cult and these assholes pretending to be A.'.A.'. I might have actually made some reasonable advancement in the last 10 years.. At present the best I can do is some unique spins on the "almalgamized religion" trend (you know, Horus = Jesus and etc. Very few could or would equate Achiles with Christ though this is also possible and few others will see a perversion of Asiatic systems of Attainment in the Leegend of Quetzalcoatle).
Some people call me Jesus for more than how I look though I should be capable of doing that more often and with better style [for being able to equally disprove myself in the process of such though in a more rock-paper-scissors manner. it's a talent i use for other reasons though also had the ability to use it for that...as it is it generally depends on my mood and interest/inclination moreso than normal - and my special consensus is what is of concern. Such is diamond made mud and the alchemy imposed on me.
And only one person called me Lucifer and claimed the owner of the place had five dogs for each Archangel including Lucifer. After that people began conjoining that with Jesus, and one irregular situation also including Buddha Confucious and Muhammed with the other two. Fuck this paragraph, I dislike the subject matter. They weren't truly for me to begin with and gave me so many names when i generally chose my own. And couldn't even validate their sincerity with such claims. They seemed stupid.
I wasn't really interested in handling a bunch of overly unique paradigms and memes and any association with me it may have included. Moreso if they were from cults that weren't like what I was into. I had already been around one cult while at a job. The guy kept talking about "philo, agape" etc but also some strange shit - like when he made some claim to a conspiracy "opposing the hearts of people who like Nietzsche" or whatever yet-to-that-extent while pushing on my chest with his eyes. I guess he was trying to be cute so i ignored him and went on with the conversation. Romans liked to give life lessons while on the job, they consider it a 'tradition' of sort. 'Life lessons.' Or just just their own cultic bullshit. Your Mileage Will Vary as Nagasiva said yet I can talk shit more boldly about my enemies than he can about the A.'.A.'. I'll start below with my 'fuck whitey' rant. I'm merely caucasian though do sometimes joke that the onyl reason blacks call me jesus is so they can claim jesus is black and I can claim I'm not whtie on government paper.
On another occassion a much older white person I was with acted very strange. He would repeat a word one each from several conversations we'd have that night, eventually getting to the point where he could switch it up and repeat several words in several different sequences. He'd also laugh somewhat strangely as if there was something wrong with him when he did that. His ex-wife kept excusing him saying he was "just being mean" though it was really just off-setting unless one supposes she was speaking of his intent and not his mannerism. He never said anything else the entire night though spoke often. We were all smoking crack and smoking weed though not all of us were black.
At one point he began looking me up and down, though in a zig-zag manner from top to bottom, and my psychic and open-eyed impression was of a maroon colored line being traced. This was the first time I ever really geeked on crack and another girl there noticed this saying "damn, I ain't never seen you geek like this, you're a fallen souljah." Shit would be on and off after this.
I've also met people who pronounce magick "majeek" like a more fluid version of magistrate or magister. Also met this girl claiming to be from motta's a.a. prostituting in a crack house. She mentioned having met joel birocco which seemed to confirm a working theory of mine for the last several years. However she did not seem to either him not myself as an actual occultist and I do recall her using hand quotes to reference her "punk rock years." Seemed like an elementary teacher to me. Doesn't mean i like joel.
I'm bored and my initiations never led me to your prose and use of symbolism. Probly from my unwitting involvement with the golden dawn for the alst 10 years without support from the A.'.A.'. None worth mentioning though I did go onto online forums and get the random "i favor the udnerdog" resposne with soem energy sent my way. i spent it on drugs and alcohol while still under psychic attack...so much for that effort right?
You talk shit on them like I do, the a.a., yet I have my own reasons. Yet you haven't impressed me much. Do it agian without trying. If you cannot I have no use for you in my life and even if what you said was true I have no use for you if you don't fgit in my life. I simply noticed you were calling -me- out with your manner and style of posting. I've met others, you seem insane yet I have to validate your merit and cannot via symbolism so chose another medium. Your post was better than nagasivas and really none have met my standard. So I'll go with this until I'm done.
I do my deals -over the table- so we'll play my way or not at all. Do it again withut trying or being so high flown. I'm not interested in being impressed though like it when I am. Do it without trying or being so high flown. Otherwise fuck it. I got better shit to do. Like getting drunk and plotting my next crack binge while trying to keep a job to keep that shit going. I haven't meditated since some one tried to coerce me into doing so. I hate spiritual masterism. Not as I normally do. Been some 9 years. 15 since it began formally though I began to falter 9 years ago. I'm 29 years old. Was confused as a 35 year old at age 19 on (z)cluster. I could describe myself otherwise but many would say i was boasting or incoherent if not talking out my ass. Lucifer brought people back fro teh dead as did Christ, they said he was in Rome 100 years prior doing that. i don't care who you call me, I know what I do. I have a given name and I go by that or whatever nick name some groups give me though can't be too generous with that...with western occultists.
I'm bored drunk and done. Whatever is unfinished wasn't worth writing and the rest could be said later (on editing this will go on for several more paragraphs or more actually this is the half-way point). Catch my attention and stop my world and then maybe I'll start giving a fuck. seen too many assholes pretending to be spiritual. In person, online, dreams, astral, the psychic friends hotline (something i said to psyche on alt.magick about joel birocco).
You know they charge some $280+ for a mere two weeks at a monastery in my region? Not hardly spiritual or charitable given current wages. Fucking assholes! I'd like to burn shit down. I used to light fires as a child. I'd like to burn shit down. I need a monastery. Most of the A.'.A.'. never read Liber Abba. Never read it. Otherwise I wouldn't be saying this. I like monasticism.
Was Crowley talking shit on the hindu for questioning the gift of a coconut or was he talking shit on the white man for being so swift? I'm here. I talk. Just ask. I'll kill ALL OF YOU. yet no one has impressed me enough to kill with Proper passion. One can kill and make stronger yet I was never impressed. I've only done this with insects.
I've come close with my hands several times due to negative activity yet none inspire me to kill with favortistic passion...the others only make me want to simply be rid of them. no passion just death. never had my chance for them and the chances otehrwise were always public. so i had to stop short. My first time was at age 11 though revived insects at age 8 or 9. I'd like to kill people. I barely hold back. Curses seem the best way to operate yet...well I got some shit with ashsoles claiming to be a.a. Was being coy before yet they already knwo what I think about them. We've spoken.
Fucking white people. I'm a caucasian. some tried to call me a nigga but I'm caucasian though not by spirit. I'm not from around here. I ain't white. Nagasiva called who a racist? Good, cause I am. And fuck your white ass too! I'm white like Christ was a Jew. We can talk about this. Poseidon, Ourobourous, Atlantis, The Japanese Hebrews Iraqis Apaches Maya. What did Plato say?
The more I look into white traditions the more I see the vile of that one who taught man to hide himself in Genesis. Whitey does love his use of the enchantress. If I meditate lusting for her will I find the buddha or a lesser vision beneath even her which is also beneath the buddha? If I lust after the buddha will i find her or just a lesser vision of the buddha? Whom and what should i lust after or does the enchantress entice too much for True Spirituality? Did I Stutter?
Noting also that modern satanism speaks in opposition to such things. I see shit different, I see through my eyes. I ain't stupid. White people piss me off. They tried to get over on me for my being young when i approached them as if I was uninformed of them. And even after they knew so much they continued...Usually through intellectual bullying and similar tactics though most greiviously through their prevention of my advancement with the complicity and compliance of A.'.A.'. cults. I'm not initiated save through Gabriel.
Then they considered me stupid.....hough at other times even in person}.....
On alt.magick at age 18, between 18 and 19 by some stregha cult claiming affiliation with the golden dawn on some contrived-for-my-use yahoo group - made days before I joined and the idiot bitch didn't even know me when i said I wanted to kill myself. Though admittedly I never said I wanted to kill myself daily. She thought I was suicidal rather than Thelemic. Fuck western occultists! Can't stand morons trying to teach -ME- who can't understand shit.
That was the whole rouse, the local golden dawn/stregha cult followed me online and tried to get me on the rebound after I quit the job mentioned above. Assholes won't leave me alone yet no Star In Sight? Maybe there is no order A.'.A.'. or Great White Brotherhood? I call it like I see it. I haven't met one. I am the Order A.'.A.'. Fuck ALL of YOU. None speak for me but me. Only I am me. FUCK ALL OF YOU claiming anything other.
I got a job in the morning and then in the afternoon. I think I mentioned above calling it quits. now I have to. i ahve encyclopedias of information on this subject to rant and bitch about. My apologies to myself for not being so nice...I should get this off my chest more often. The rest of you, go fuck yourself. I care not for those not of me or for me. If your cult hitched it's star to the wrong wagon, change or go fuck yourself. i'm in no mood or position to deal with you in minutia. I got my own bullshit to tend to. And IO have to sleep for work and I still got beer left. IAO might save some for tomarrow though usually dislike doing so. I have my standards. Others are more contrived. Like Robert Wilson attempting to ride my coat-tails.
Had this strange dream...was at the bottom of the ocean as with other dreams yet was with so many seemingly dead squid. I ahve many strange visions waking or sleep or within the clouds. My first lucid dream concerned ancient Greece Rome and Atlantis. I can't say everything, I'd never sleep. I can go on for nine hours in casual conversation. If directed toa point and given this point...your set of encyclopedia britainica ain't shit on what I could write.
Spelling? That's for people with a valid high school diplima. i ahve one, it's just not valid. Spelling is also for people who are sober. Spelling is perhaps best for people who can go fuck themselves. i said what i did and it's not unintelligible. Your petty criticism is funny to me. Fuck you. I see the world through my eyes. Your standards are not mine.