JEST FOR KIDS 01-01-10
Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What do you call the man who gives you sauce in a restaurant?
Why did the quartz break up with the slate?
Because it was taking it for granite.
What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Loss of memory
Why do cars smell?
Because they're full of gas!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat.
How long have you felt like that?
Ever since I was a kid.
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places
Well don't go back there again then.
Doctor, doctor, my husband thinks he's Moses.
Tell him to stop taking the Tablets.
Define "Artificial": The person in charge of the exhibit of paintings (Cynthia MacGregor)
Use "Avalanche" in a sentence: In our house we have a breakfast at eight and we always AVALANCHE at 12:30.
Book Title: "Neither a Borrower" by Nora Lender Bee
Math Conversions: Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = i knot-furlong
PUNS & OTHER HUMOR
A doctor cut himself quite deeply on a piece of glass. He went to his wife and asked her if he should go to the emergency room. She said, "Suture self.
Most money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
Nothing rattles my father, especially when the St. Louis Cardinals are on TV. One day we were watching a game, when my mother shrieked from the kitchen, "Jim, there's a horsefly in here!" Not taking his eyes off the screen, Dad barked back, "Give it some cough syrup."
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
After picking her up from the Sunday School classroom, a mom asked her young daughter what the lesson had been about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared; you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later that day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson had 'really' been about. He said, "Be not afraid; thy comforter is coming."
You could manufacture pencils with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?