> To: firstname.lastname@example.org
> From: "Julie Keller" <jakeller@...>
> Date: Fri, 06 May 2005 16:13:11 -0000
> Subject: [utepprogressives] As always, the Python
> has the last (and best) word ...
> Vote Draino
> There is only one party I could bring myself to
> Terry Jones
> Thursday May 5, 2005
> The Guardian
> Personally, I'm voting Draino, the only party that
> promises to get
> people's drains unblocked within four calendar years
> of the blockage
> being reported. The Slightly Nazi (SN) party has
> heaped ridicule on
> the Drainos and claim it is impossible to unblock
> anyone's drains
> that quickly without increasing taxes and opening
> the floodgates to
> hordes of Aids-ridden, black Asian pederasts that
> want to work in our
> hospitals for nothing.
> The Forget the Illegal Bombing (FIB) party has
> pledged to unblock
> everybody's drains by next weekend, give or take a
> decade, with more
> power for parents. Some analysts thought the FIB
> party's electoral
> chances might have been dented by its responsibility
> in murdering
> 100,000 citizens of another country that was no
> threat. But the SNs
> endorsed the policy, and the Nice But Damp (NBD)
> party, while it
> originally opposed the idea, now thinks British
> troops ought to carry
> on occupying their territory.
> The mass killing of foreigners has little electoral
> impact compared
> with unblocking drains. "The average Joe wants to
> get away from all
> that gloomy stuff," the leader of the FIB party
> said. "What the
> British people want to know is who is going to
> unblock their drains,
> when, and how much mess it will make. Killing all
> those foreigners in
> a country that is no concern of ours won't get
> people into the ballot
> Of course, the whole nature of the campaign has
> changed since the
> publication of the attorney general's full legal
> advice. And yet the
> clear evidence that the leader of the FIB party lied
> in order to get
> parliament to agree to bombing Iraq doesn't seem to
> have done him
> much harm.
> "You see," explained the FIB leader, "if I keep my
> eyes wide open
> without blinking, and use my really sincere voice,
> people will
> believe whatever I say... so long as I stick to
> I put it to him that his policy had been a disaster.
> "You said you
> were bombing Iraq to make Britain safer," I said,
> "and yet the only
> terrorist threat to the UK now comes from those in
> the Islamic world
> who object to you bombing Iraq."
> "On the contrary!" he exclaimed. "The policy has
> been a tremendous
> success! Saddam Hussein is no longer killing his
> "But the US and the UK are doing all that for him."
> "Look, I respect your position. All I ask is that
> you respect mine, I
> had to make a decision, I believed it was the right
> one. Look into my
> eyes, see how they don't blink, and listen to my
> voice... think about
> drains... Remember that is what counts."
> "Here! Here!" said the SN leader."Who wants to
> listen to all that
> negative stuff when there's an election coming up?
> Let's talk about
> "I agree," said the NBD leader. "Have I said the
> right thing?"
> Of course the attempt by all three main parties not
> to talk about
> anything except drains has led to rampant voter
> apathy. And that's
> why I'm voting Draino. At least it doesn't claim to
> be able to run
> the country. All it claims to do is to unblock
> drains and where
> better to start than in the House of Commons?
> � Terry Jones is a film director, actor and Python.
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