Big Brother Season 15 Episode 23
Jeremy. Do you think he literally only stays on the 25-foot boat? Why would you constantly tell everybody that you live on a boat? Is this one long con to draw eyes to a Craigslist ad in which he's selling his 25-foot boat?"...or should I be bro-bro with the guys?" David, in discussing his bed-selection strategy. He considered moving in on one of the 81 female cast members who appear to be his type, but I hope he goes the bro-bro route. I want to go bro-bro right now. Click here to Watch Big Brother Season 15 Episode 23
"And these are real." GinaMarie, grabbing her breasts, apropos of nothing. GinaMarie (the name alone), in a house full of horrible, annoying, loud people, is the most horrible, annoying, and loudest. Twenty minutes in and all the other horrible people already hated her; that's some upper-level obnoxious game. She's so bad she made the other girl from Staten Island cower.
"I'm not gay, but if I was, I'd tear him apart." McCrae, accurately describing Howard's chiseled physique. If you're currently wondering whether this episode was mostly about everyone talking about how they want to have some form of intercourse with everyone else, the answer is yes, yes it was.
"I'm feeling you two right now." Jessie, during her "strategy" session with Jeremy and David. Jessie went on to discuss how great it was to be in "the most attractive alliance" ever or whatever, which was only the 34th time she mentioned physical attractiveness in this episode. Jessie is unemployed, by the way.
"It's called Popsicle Factory, and here's how it works." Julie Chen, explaining the first Head of Household challenge of the season. I love Jeff Probst and his desire to stand up for the integrity of Survivor and cool-dad stuff like EFFORT and TOUGHNESS, but Julie Chen is the best reality TV host out there because she utters sentences like this, multiple times a week, and only sort of emotes along the way.
"Never in my life have I wanted to be a popsicle so bad." Jeremy, after watching Jessie dry-hump the life out of an inflated popsicle. During this little sequence, I felt like I was watching a really weird mating ritual that I absolutely did not want to ever be part of. The microphone helped Jessie's... uh... rhythms sound horrifying.
"If all these competitions are gonna be messin' up my hair, I don't know. [PAUSE] I don't know." David, after being soaked and gooped and violated in ways only Big Brother can manage. The good news for my bro David is that the challenges won't mess up his pecs, or his ability to see how hard they are.