Groundhog Day 2010
The People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals (PETA) have adopted Punxsutawney
Phil's plight. To PETA, Phil is an abused
groundhog who is subjected to terrifying
conditions once each year which include
bright lights and big crowds with lots of
human noisemakers acting like...humans. See:
Tomorrow is Groundhog's day, 2010.
My list of favorite movies includes Groundhog Day.
If you have not seen it, take my advice and do so.
I'll readily admit to having seen the film at least
20 times, and will view it again this year if it's
At approximately 7:25 AM, a groundhog will trek to
Gobbler's Notch to make the official prediction that
six more weeks of winter remain in 2010. Tomorrow's
celebration will mark the 124th consecutive year that
Groundhog Day has been celebrated in Punxsutawney,
Come sunshine, rain, or snow, the groundhog's keeper
has assured us that their little rodent will see some
sort of shadow due to his enormously fattened bulk,
even though it's cloudy and snowing lightly in
Punxsutawney as this message is being posted at
The fix is in. They've been feeding him ice cream
during the "off season".
This past year, American consumers have been presented
with the dairy industry argument that consuming dairy
products helps people to lose weight, which makes
absolutely no sense, but makes for great press by
those whose job it is to deceive America into
On average, groundhogs weigh a little over five pounds
when they emerge from hibernation in the spring. After
a summer of eating, September weights can soar to ten
pounds. The largest wild (free and uncaged) groundhog
weighed in at fourteen pounds!
It's why Punxsutawney Phil has become the
Holstein cow of groundhogs. He's the pig
of litte furry hibernators. What has Phil
been munching on all winter while observing
his dairy-based weight loss program?
Ice cream! The root of our groundhog's
obesity ain't roots. It's dairy!
Bill Deeley, the local funeral home director
who emcees Punxsutawney's much-publicized
Groundhog Day Festival and sees to Phil's
needs 365 days out of the year, had this
to say about Phil's diet:
"He's naturally a vegetarian. But he loves
ice cream and strawberry sundaes."
Phil, the groundcow, weighs in at 15 pounds
and measures 22 inches in length.
Could an overweight Phil be due to the
powerful growth factors in milk and dairy
products? Groundhogs should not be eating
a diet of bovine growth hormones and high
calorie-containing saturated animal fat.
Neither should humans, for that matter.
So...eyewitnesses will see Phil spring from
his burrow and report that he saw his own
shadow. Winter continues for everybody.
Easy on the ice cream, or you and Phil may
look lousy in bathing suits next summer.