What a very brave thing to share. It's wonderful that you have shifted your gears from fear to fortitude and have started communicating more genuinely with your children.
I went through a time with my son when we were arguing through homework every night. I thought I was helping him but he wanted to do things his way. It was difficult to let go but it was the best thing I could have ever done for him. It has made him a much more mature and independent young man. I learned that it was important for him to figure things out for himself. I just try to be loving and supportive. Yes, his room is still messy but he is a great person and friend to others.
I hope you will feel better. It sounds as though you have somehow found peace amidst the fear which is fortunate.
--- In firstname.lastname@example.org, "greattoweringtomatoes" <sdunn212@...> wrote:
> I just wanted to share this thought in case it might help someone else: I have been dealing with a serious illness for the past several months and have had to face many emotions that must have been bubbling under the surface... there is nothing like a life-threatening illness to bring us face to face with what we can otherwise ignore. The biggest hurdle, by far, is fear. In working through this fear; in acknowledging it, and working through it, and letting it go, I have experienced such positive changes in my life, including in my relationship with my kids; ages 16 and 21. I realized that was motivating much of my interactions with them was rooted in worry and fear... are they doing what they are supposed to? what about grades, what about college, are they doing okay socially, her room is a disaster-should I make her clean it, why are they so rude, is there something I should be doing about xy and z? By working on shifting from fear to fortitude, I have found that many of these worries just fell away; for the others, I had the clarity of mind to deal with them more effectively and communicate more genuinely with my kids. It is a process... I'm always working on it, but it has made such a difference in the way I relate to my teen/ young adult, I just wanted to share it. Thank you.