How did your search for enlightenment / truth begin?
And what was your personal way or experience?
Already as a child I saw an absolute division in experiences.
One moment I was completely detached and in perfect harmony with
the world, the next moment I was in deepest depression with the
wish for dissolution, to die. Heavenly happy - sad to death.
Naturally I only wanted to dwell in pleasant experience. So
the search began for how to achieve this. You see, not truth
or enlightenment, but unlimited happiness, the end of suffering,
was the desire from the outset.
With this began the search for suitable means and tools in the
world. First with sex, and the experience was that the
so-called little death (orgasm) is a very fleeting
fulfillment, dependent on a partner. Thus it wasn't a
Then through drugs, which can create the state of freedom
from suffering. But afterwards, when the effect is over,
even more suffering prevails.
Affection or love, with friends, family or a partner also lost
its meaning in the recognition that my wellbeing was not dependent
on their behavior. This couldn't solve the problem either.
Then I began to read esoteric books, all about religions,
shamans, magic etc., and for a long period I was fascinated
by Castaneda and Don Juan and the idea of freedom.
Until the end of the 70's, when I became spontaneously aware in
a dream, that I was dreaming. I remembered a Don Juan technique
which was to observe one's own hands in a dream. So I lifted my
hands and began to investigate them.
Suddenly something awoke in me that had seemingly slept and in
this awakening first my hands and then my whole body began to dissolve.
I recognized death. And in this recognition sudden fear arose.
I began to fight for my life as I had never fought for anything.
An unexplainable force was about to extinguish me which seemed
like an infinite black nothing in my perception. And although I
woke up in the bed, the fight continued.
Then, after hours, there was a sudden accepting of this
extinction and the former dark nothing became radiant light,
with me being it. A light shining in itself.
After an eternity, slowly this light became again the normal perception of Karl and the world. Everything seemed to be as it
was before this experience, but the perception was absolutely detached from what was perceived. A total distance and alienation towards the world.
This is not my home, was the only thought. The "my" lost itself
With this awakening of cosmic consciousness the process of dissolution of the concept "Karl" had begun.
In the awareness of falsehood and dream-likeness of experiences,
it was only a matter of time for the personal history, and with
it the history of the universe, to be burned out by this fire of awareness.
This process from "individual to cosmic consciousness", from
personal to impersonal consciousness, which is called
enlightenment, is always unique and can neither be repeated
nor imitated. Just as there is solely absolute Being, each
experience is absolutely unique.
For a long time, about 15 years, this impersonal consciousness
was my home. K.O. (koma) had become O.K. (amok). I was a
wandering NOTHING. Absolutely identified with this NOTHING.
The owner of NOTHING. The little "I" had become very big,
an overdimensional NOTHING. The background considering the
foreground as an illusion. One illusion viewing another illusion.
The so-called "witness". The wisdom which says "I am NOTHING".
There was seemingly something which considered this "not being"
an advantage, and consequently, there was a subliminal fear to
lose this advantage of clarity.
Until, the middle of the 90's, from now to now, the absolute cognition came, as a simple insight, a little aha, of being that which is. Being that which can never be anything else, nor ever was, than the "Self".
The Self is and nothing but the Self is, and that is
Absolute Acceptance which was there forever. That which
is the Self-cognition or the realization of the "Self".
The Absolute "IS", in the personal as in the impersonal
experience, always the Absolute Self and it never has the
necessity of any enlightenment.
The Self is ever realized and what appears as consciousness in
the realization (implementation of reality) will never realize itself. In that sense there was never any unenlightened one,
and consequently, no necessity of enlightenment.
Did anything change in your life since the discovery of truth?
The fundamental is that there is no MY or YOUR life nor has
there ever been. That which solely is neither lives nor lives
The so-called life changes continuously. The dream and its
dreamlike states are subject to constant change. So changes the
body that appears in the dream, the world and the conduct in it.
But however it shows itself, it was, is, and will always be
that which is. In endless variations, in an eternal realization
of the "Real". Undisturbed peace of being. And I am that.
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