Hello All. My name is Hal. I am a new member of this group. I have read
through some of the archive posts and i feel im in a good place here. I can
really identify with Anna's current dillemma concerning drug use. I had a
similar situation at one time in my life except my drug use was not legal.
Reguardless of that, i feel that we may have taken drugs for like reasons,
but as with most chemical addictions,over time the drug became more of an
enemy than an aid.
I recall at around nine years of age that i had my first panic attack. I
was at home by myself and i choked on some food and it frightened me so bad
that the fear of it happening again filled my every thought whenever i would
eat. This fear was so overwhelming that i would indeed choke whenever i ate.
At that age i did not clearly understand the difference between an emotional
disorder as oposed to a physical one and concluded i was physically
impaired. I did not want to "face" let alone try to accept this problem so i
tried to hide it from myself and others. Had i confided with others about my
troubles i may have likely been given a drug to cushion the pain. Instead i
chose to cover the pain any way i could.comfortably get away with.
Reguardless of the potiential consequences, i took that risk rather than
face my fears.
Over the years that folowed that kind of thinking eventually led me to the
place where my options were reduced to either grow up or die. Reguardless
of how i got to that stage the important thing is i was finally ready to
face my problems.That's when i became teachable. That's when i was able to
use spiritual practices to help enable me to see more clearly into the root
of my fears instead of "hide" from them in spiritual worship.. I have also
been involved in many methods geared towards self anyalysis and self
awareness but Meditation was key in helping me learn how to put all those
things in right perspective. Those things coupled with regular meditation
practice have provided the means to face,deal with and overcome my personal
demons and my drug use is but a shadow of the past. Weither the problem is
one of anxiety, heroin or clonozepem or a Dr. that doesn't have all the
answers, the important thing is that there are "real" answers and freedom
for those who are willing to face what the resolution of fear calls for.