Wankers of the Week: Spy, spy, everywhere a
15, 2013 � Sabina Becker
Crappy weekend, everyone! Yes, the NSA is still spying on everyone�and no,
they haven�t caught Edward Snowden yet. Maybe they�ll have better luck
getting covert video of Kim Fucking Kardashian�s baby emerging from her
mama�s wazoo. Meanwhile, I spy with my little eye�people who are wanking.
And here they are, in no particular order:
1. Bibi Fucking
the shoe fits, Israel doesn�t want to hear it! Well, tough toenails,
Bibi�you maybe should have thought of that before you started playing
Cinderfuckingella. Now put on that glass slipper and quit throwing stones.
2. John Fucking Baird. <http://www.cjnews.com/index.php?q=node%2F108487
nice! Squealer thinks Israel has the right to commit apartheid within its
borders, and wars outside them. And now we know why Canada is fast becoming
a laughingstock on the global human rights front. We�ve gone from
peacekeepers to warmongers in less than a decade. PS: Oh Squealer, give it
the fuck UP.<http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/Government+denies+watering+down+resolution+sexual+violence/8517354/story.html
all know who�s behind this human-rights gutting. Can�t you own up, even
once? PPS: No, srsly,
gives a fuck what you think about Iran.
3. Pamela Fucking
broadened her front of attack, and that can only mean one thing: Her
cerebral aneurysm is about to *blow.* Batten down the hatches!
4. Alex Fucking Jones. <http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-22832994
> Speaking of
blown aneurysms, the Beeb may have lowered its tone by having him on (where
he shouted and blustered and ranted and made even less fucking sense than
usual), but at least the host had the smarts and the guts to call him his
worst interviewee ever. And to mug it up at his expense. (Watch the video
to the end, it�s worth
5 and 6. Jamie Fucking Colby and Doug Fucking
on �Fair and Balanced� (note the quotes) FUX Snooze could George Zimmerman
morph from a racist vigilante who shot an unarmed black kid, to a �gentle
kind caring soul who was minding the neighborhood�doing his Good Samaritan
job�. And only there could an unarmed black kid turn into a potential
murderer�armed with a bag of candy and a can of iced tea. FUX Snooze, where
black is white, day is night, wrong is right, and truth is shite.
7. Russell Fucking
the government is �overstepping its bounds� all of a sudden, when the
Southern Baptists have been blatantly violating that church/state
separation for motherfucking *decades?* And it�s �overstepping� by merely
holding them to their side of the bargain? Well, I *never.* Next, you�ll be
telling me that this all wouldn�t be happening if there weren�t an uppity
niggruh in the *White* House.
8. Gregg Fucking
on �Fair and Balanced�, blahblah, would you find so much sympathy all in
one heap for poor George Zimmerman, who has �already been punished� by
gaining weight in the clinker while awaiting trial. Yeah, boohoo, he got
fat. So fucking what? Trayvon Martin got DEAD. That skinny kid is never
gonna live to see a weight gain. And he was given the death penalty for
walking while black, drinking tea while black, and eating candy while
black. Oh, and wearing a hoodie while black. Since when is any of THAT a
9. Pat Fucking Robertson.<http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/pat-robertson-says-dungeons-and-dragons-is-demonic-linked-to-teen-suicide/news/2013/06/10/68446
it the Eighties again? Patwa just came out with yet another bizarre tirade
against D & D. I didn�t know anybody was still playing that, much less
getting demon-possessed while doing so! And his sense of irony is
deteriorating, too. Could this mean that he�s about to join #3 in
Cerebrovascular Accident Land?
10. Troy Fucking
Newsflash: *Fetuses are not persons.* Therefore, civil rights do not
pertain to them. But if Troy-Boy had his way,*women* wouldn�t be persons,
and fetuses would. What he would say about the NSA�s spying then, I don�t
know. Probably nothing, because he only ever seizes on an issue if he can
tie it � however stupidly � to abortion. And God-hating jezebels.
11. Robert Fucking Ammon,
creepers, what the fuck is the world coming to when tenured profs can�t
sexually harass students anymore and offer them measly favoritism in
exchange for BJs? Poor bastard. And he�s a repeat offender, too!
12. Nick Fucking Griffin. Why?
That�s why. This MEP (a Maggie Thatcher legacy, surprise surprise) is a
racist POS and a fascist SOB. He deserves to lose his seat, pronto. He can
STFU and FOAD, too. And when he does, no one will mourn him. PS: Whose
glorious idea was
hoping some facts find HIM.
13. Peter Fucking
well, well. What have we here? Peety-weety okayed electronic spying here *two
fucking years ago,* and it only makes the news this week? And he would have
gotten away with it, too, if not for that meddling kid, Edward Snowden. *
14. Ann Fucking
Barackness �doesn�t take terrorism seriously�? Well, no. Aside from getting
Osama, and keeping all of Dubya�s unconstitutional and illegal
�anti-terror� policies in place, plus all those drones�no, he doesn�t take
it a bit seriously. *At all.*
15. Trent Fucking
with the lame-o Forces of Evil rhetoric. Dude, the only force of evil in
this world is men who try to control what everyone else is doing. And *everyone
else* includes women, and what they�re doing with their uteri is none of
your fucking business! Do you even have a clue as to the irony of what
you�re saying about �liberty�?
16. Rob Fucking
women on his executive committee anymore. Only men. Belligerent,
ill-tempered, not-very-bright men, I bet. PS:
Oops. Ha, ha.
17. Rodger Fucking
raping an unconscious woman (hard enough to leave bruises!) is NOT the way
to revive her. If it were, paramedics would all be carrying Viagra.
18. Taylor Fucking
proof that the customer is NOT always right? Look no further than this
coffee-shop customer from hell, who decided to get her racist bitch on,
video it, and then post it to the Internets. She has since learned that the
Internets are an even bigger bitch than she is. (And just think, she�s in
marketing. Actually, maybe that should come as no surprise.)
19. Scott Fucking
is this asshat still squatting in the governor�s mansion in Wisconsin? If
union-bashing wasn�t enough wank to get him out, will an ultrasound re-rape
law do it? Let us pray�
20. Brian Fucking
isn�t it cute? Wanker #12 has a widdle fascist friend. At FUX Snooze. Of *
21. Lindsey Fucking
of fascism, Lindsey-windsey would like to read everybody�s snail mail. Yes,
that�s right, he�s there with a steaming kettle, ready to pry open every
envelope�in the name of national security. Of *course.*
22. Peter Fucking
dearz, whatever is a nation coming to if it can�t keep secrets from its
people anymore, and the pesky media keep reporting what the politicians
only want them to hush up? Uh, I believe that�s what we call
ACCOUNTABILITY, you fucking oaf.
23 and 24. Erich and Mark Fucking
joy, oh bliss. �Mancow� (that�s Erich�s handle on the Internetz) has his
own show. And I�m sure his particular brand of racist, cryptofascist
FEMA-camp paranoia will be just what the Hitler Channel ordered. (And just
what will cause their last three subscribers to cancel their satellite
25. Jim Fucking
Stoopid wants an apology? Okay, Jim, I�m sorry you�re so fucking stupid
that you can�t understand that global warming is real, that the number of
violent storms has increased dramatically over the last 30 years, and that
being from Oklahoma is no fucking excuse. How about another tornado? Global
warming can do that.
26. Jean-Michel Fucking
*Quoi?* Monsieur le Maire won�t sanction same-sex marriages? He says he�d
rather hang? *Alors,* that can be arranged. Madame Defarge, to your
knitting needles, *s�il vous pla�t�*
27. Barry Fucking
traumatize some kids by killing feral kittens in front of them, and even *
admit* that you�re not supposed to do it that way, but still get off the
hook. Actually, this guy�s supervisors are even bigger wankers than he is.
28. Lanny Fucking
time we saw this sleazoid, he was making excuses (and doing PR) for the
fascist coup in Honduras. Nice to see he hasn�t lost any of his pond-scummy
touch. (Cory Booker, if you�re at all smart, you will distance yourself
from this sack of douche AT ONCE.)
29. Mal Fucking
on the menu in Australia? Sexism, sexism and more sexism! Never mind that
bad taste in your mouth, just swallow as fast as you can. And try not to
retch on the slimy texture, either.
30. Laura Fucking
in the fetid parallel universe of a fascist�s brain could emergency birth
control be empowering to rapists and abusers�but NOT to the women and girls
who want to make sure that no living reminder of those bastards gets left
in their uteri. Has this woman ever been assaulted? (Being dropped on the
head at birth doesn�t count.)
31. Lorrie Fucking
people wonder why we say the Sun chain of newspapers isn�t fit to wrap a
fish in? Or that their pet TV channel is like an on-air toilet? Turds like
this just might be clues. They aren�t the exception at the Sun � they�re
32. Lou Fucking
of turds, this is also why nobody with an ounce of brains listens to
AM640�unless they want to see their IQ drop by 25 points in just under a
33. Thomas Fucking
you know who I am?� is NOT an acceptable way of dealing with cops. Just ask
Reese Witherspoon if you don�t believe me.
34. Jason Fucking
out of my inbox, you fucking creep. And keep your filthy lies to your
filthy self. UGH.
35. Pamela Fucking
�made mistakes�? I�ll say she did. And funnily enough, all her �mistakes�
made her one fat wad of ka-*ching* after another! PS: Snicker giggle
36 and 37. Jeff and Tanner Fucking
father, like son�like racist, like antisemite�like asshole, like turd. The
chip doesn�t fall far from the ol� block, does it? Gee, I wonder where the
kid learned to be such a fucking homophobe, too�
38. Robert Fucking Zimmerman
speaking of chips that didn�t fall far, guess what Trayvon�s accused
killer�s dad has to say about racism? Yup, it�s pure projection. And I�m
sure it will not make him or his son look bad *at all.*
39. Marco Fucking
that I smell? *Mothballs?* And why is my gaydar going *woop woop woop*?
40. Rick Fucking
of the smell of mothballs and the sound of gaydars whooping, it looks like
Crotch is trying to out-wingnut #39. Probably for the same reasons, too.
Give it up and get a room, you two.
41. Edith Fucking
back to racism, with a side order of sexism. You know you�ve overstepped a
mighty broad line when even Dubya�s SCOTUS appointees aren�t shutting their
eyes to your sheer offensiveness.
42. John Fucking
always wondered if his *Cheers* character�s one-note right-wing stupidity
was really an act. Well, I guess this answers THAT question.
43. Pat Fucking
old white Nazi sympathizer, go the fuck EXTINCT already. You�ve already
long outstayed your welcome on this planet.
44. James Fucking
been convicted of his sexual offences against Cuban kids. Now, let�s go
after all the others like him. I know from friends who regularly travel to
the island that there are droves of them, and that they�ve marked Cuba as a
sex-tourism destination, and that Afro-Cuban girls � LITTLE girls � are
their targets of choice.
45. Jeb Fucking
fuckers, Jebby is looking more and more like he wants to run for office.
And already he�s sticking his big dumb foot in his bigger, dumber mouth,
just like Dubya. Only more so, if such things are possible.
46. Jonathan Fucking
sure, bro, literary sexism is dead and you killed it. And you are still
alive because Edith Wharton was ugly. Got it.
47. Eve Fucking
MPs can also claim dodgy expenses. And hair and nail salons are dodgy as
fuck. And hey, why should the Senate get all the fun?
48. Sarah Fucking
a week without blatant fameballing just doesn�t happen in snowbilly grifter
country. And because Allah really needs a new soccer
49. Vladimir Fucking
only can #48 see him from Alaska, she missed the fact that *he stole a
motherfucking Super Bowl ring.* Maybe she should let the NSA bunk in her
50. Ken Fucking
thinks his manly-man brain makes him more rational, but statements like
this just prove the opposite. Or, to put it another way: When the Zombie
Apocalypse finally comes, there�ll be nothing on him for them to eat.
And finally, to the lovely,
of Elwood, Indiana. Can you people not tell the difference between a rape
victim and a prostitute? Or do those distinctions just not matter to you
fucking idiots? I would say shame on you, but it�s apparent that you all
have zero sense of it whatsoever�unless it�s applied to children who are
victims of crime.
Goodnight, and get fucked!
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