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Jan 2, 2001 Volume 16, Issue 127
Hopefully, we won't have to deal with war too
much this year, this century, this millennium.
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"The No Day War"
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering
who to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily-accented voice said.
"This is Yitzhak down in Tel Aviv, Israel. I am ringing
to inform you that me and my friends are officially
declaring war on you!"
"Well, Yitzhak," Saddam replied, "This is important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Yitzhak after a moment's
calculation, "there is me, my cousin Saul, my next-door
neighbor Shlomo, and the entire pinochle team from
the deli-that makes eight!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have two
million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Oy vey!" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Yitzhak rang back. "Right,
Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to
acquire some equipment!"
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak,
that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored
personnel carriers, 5 thousand bombers, 20 thousand
long range missiles, 4 atomic bombs, and our two million
man armed forces are ready to fight."
"Really?!" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!"
"Oy gevalt!", said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Yitzhak called again the next day. "Mr.
Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call
off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," said Yitzhak, "We've all had a chat and decided
that the war we can win.... but there's no way we can
feed two million prisoners."
~~~~~ Toon du Jour ~~~~~
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