I'm packing food & care parcels as we speak:
To the folks that moved out after 1979:
Tofu, bean sprouts, insulated wind chimes, heated Ben Wa balls
Manuals - the arbutus as bonsai, same-sex etiquette in 3rd world
conditions, cold-air aerobics, how to talk to all those clever Chinee
To the guys I hung out with in '69:
4 cases of Ancient Mariner, 10 bottles Bitters, a box of Old Spice,
extra newspapers to sleep on in Pigeon Park
Manuals - how to tell the difference between ice crystals and big meth
rocks, how to move to the Kootenays and help your asshole cousin raise
They had some snow in Vancouver this week. Here's an on the site report.
Vancouver Blizzard 2005
Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell
today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell,
bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of
dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect
that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts
from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the
almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to
double insulate their lattes before venturing out.
Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for
emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them
through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian
Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.
Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several
have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel
drive, although most have no idea how to use it.
Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast
implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health
Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly
safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at
Mountain Equipment Co-op.
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton.
"I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around
and be treated like someone from Toronto."