Top Gear Season 20 Episode 6
mean machine was too blustery and his hair was whipping him in the eyeballs. Lots of people have lots of hair, he declared. Yes, James... they're called women. Get it cut! But a top opportunity to mock Johnny Foreigner as our ageing heroes poked fun at Spain's economic catastrophe by roaring through a couple of ghost towns and messing around at an abandoned airport.Click here to Watch Top Gear Season 20 Episode 6 Online in HD
If Jezza and the gang thought any of this was funny, I've got bad news for them. It wasn't even worth a smile.
These guys were literally on the road to nowhere... in a toweringly dull episode that broke new ground in tedium.
Interlude: Benedict Cumberbatch
Apart from Benedict Cumberbatch's star-in-a-reasonably-priced-car interlude, the entire programme was devoted to Clarkson, Hammond and May drearily making their way from Gibraltar to Madrid.
"This is not very good is it?" sighed head prefect Jeremy, No, mate, it's the pits.
But nice to see Mr Clarkson's always-hilarious paella joke being recycled for the 450th time. Like a fine wine, it gets better with age.
And as for that photo of an orang-utan on a bicycle... I was in hysterics. Be still my aching sides.
"Maybe turn over to Countryfile now," said Richard. Excellent idea.
"Would you stay with Top Gear or switch over to Adam's farm?" enquired Compo. It was a no-brainer... Adam's farm. More exciting.
But high drama as notoriously bad driver Hammond smashed his red car into a bollard and his two sophisticated chums ribbed him mercilessly with a stream of world class one liners. Laugh? I thought I'd never start.
And if that brilliant banter wasn't hysterical enough... master of mirth Jeremy announced there was a car designer called Samuel Chuffart. Boom boom! Humour of the highest order.
I am only too well aware that zillions of ludicrously loyal fans continue to stick up for their beloved Top Gear with cult-like zeal.
But even they must concede that this so-far abysmal series is simply a sea of nothingness peppered with adolescent gags and tired old ideas.
Anyway, back to the race. And when it finally finished nobody seemed to have won... it simply fizzled out. Great.
Given that the UK's biggest petrol-head event, the Goodwood Festival of Speed, had hardly fishtailed to a tyre-shredding finish an hour before broadcast, it is not unreasonable to assume that a significant percentage of Top Gear's most ardent fans won't have been watching this edition as it aired (stuck as they probably still were in the world's prettiest car crawl home, if memory of past events serves).
Then again, that's what Monday repeats are for (or iPlayer if you're more push-button than crank starter). And it would be a shame to miss what was a classic edition (the best of this series so far by some miles) in which Clarkson, Hammond and
Top Gear, series 20, week three... and it was all not happening.
No need to bother making any effort. Who needs variety? Just devote the whole show to a wacky inconclusive race involving three different coloured sports cars...
Compo Clarkson in a yellow one, little Richard Hammond in a red one... and bouffant boy James May in a grey one.
High excitement as Mr May revealed that with the top down his