In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's
the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a
winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)?
bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom):"Do not turn upside down."(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
& Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating." (...And you
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on
body." (But wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough
Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if
we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds of those forklifts.)
Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor
use only." (As opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be
used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the
company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do
not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a
lot of this happening somewhere?)
15 Things to do at Wal-Mart
while your spouse/partner/significant
other is taking his/her sweet
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples
carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to
the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official
tone, 'Code 3 in house wares, and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service
Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET
FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department
and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from
the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to
cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?
9. Look right into the
security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.
12. In the auto department
practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the
clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the fetal position and
scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'.
15. Go into a fitting room and
yell real loudly...'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in