It is hard, but it gets better.
With Baby Boy, the hardest thing was the "absence of care." From the night
he was diagnosed it was all Baby Boy, all the time. Yeah, I did other stuff
-- paid attention to the other kitties, went to work, the occasional night
out with friends and all that. But over all that was Baby Boy -- what was
his respiratory rate that day, how is he eating, hmmm, maybe a little extra
lasix today, is there another supplement I can use to help him ...
For all that time he was my priority, and then relatively suddenly, it was
time to let him go and all of a sudden, there was no Baby Boy to care for.
It was only after he was gone that I realized just how much time and energy
I devoted to him, and how his condition dominated my thoughts, both
conscious and unconscious. I never looked at him without at least
unconsciously assessing his condition. Yes, this intensive nursing care
meant he did great clinically and got to live like a "normal" cat, but it
takes more out of you than you realize. Even the unexpected addition of a
tiny kitten (Morsel) just days after Baby Boy passed wasn't enough to fill
But time heals all wounds. I almost always write to those who have lost
their kitties that in time they will be able to remember their babies with
nothing but happiness, and it's true. 99% of the time when I think about
Baby Boy, which is at least once a day, I think about what a great cat he
was. That he died so young from a stupid heart disease sucked, it wasn't
fair and it can bring me to tears that other 1% of the time. And as time
goes on I'm better able to put it in perspective. This was his allotted
lifespan. With the help of this group we 'beat' the disease in that I was
able to keep him feeling well clinically, even though there was nothing I
could do to reverse it.
You did the same for Baby. Three years was amazing. It wasn't long
enough, but then it's never long enough. He couldn't have done it without
your loving care, and it's so hard because he doesn't need all that time
and energy any more. It's hard now but you will never regret all the time
you spent with him and in time it will hurt less and less. I promise.
On Fri, May 2, 2008 at 8:34 PM, Vickie <VickieJunger@...> wrote:
> It's hard to believe Baby will be gone 3wk tomorrow. I miss him so much
> I get so, i can't explain. Such a build up of hurt. I think (cry)
> Fridays are hard casue I don't have the weekend to spend w/Baby. I
> didn't leave much on the weekends, I wanted to spend as much time w/him
> as I could. I know I should be greatful that Baby lived much longer
> then the 6-12 mo, i got 3yrs.
> I'm just so mad that these dam pills that we give them to make there
> heart work, ends up attaching there kidneys, and yet again, I guess
> i'm lucky it took 3yrs.
> I so miss stairing into his big green eyes, and he meow and throw his
> head back, was a game I played w/him. I miss watching him sleep and
> have his dreams. I miss looking at the long fur coming out of his ears,
> and between his toes. I miss him tapping on my eyelashs to get me to
> get up. I miss him telling me to feed him, I just miss....
> So know i'm on medicatin to get through this, which I miss taking it
> on a lot of days, but it's helped, guess if i stay on it long enough,
> will get to my kidney's too.
> My mom had to let one of her cats go, on Monday to RF as well.
> As for Nala, and her very high CPK, Baby's cardio vet doesn't think
> that it's heart related, she said, as most of know, that even cat's
> w/heart diease don't have high CPK. So I will leave Nala a lone, I
> hope it's not a mistake, but on the other hand what to find out she
> may have something, pump her w/pills that will kill her kidneys in
> the end? Again, I guess I'll just wait and see. Fot the most all
> her lab work was great, she is just a nut job, I bottle feed her, and
> he get scared from so many things, and just pulls fur out as she's
> cleaning herself.
> ok will all let you go, thanks for being there for me all these years.
> And those that are new don't let this scare you, but there is hope
> that you can spend extra time w/your kitty, w/all the love care and
> extra attn. That's one thing I was told by the vets and cardio vet
> is that I gave Baby a lot of attn, and learned him and his ways, and
> knew when something was off.
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