I wonder what would happen if I told you my truth.
Before I get too far into this, I'm going to admit I have difficulty with this as well so don't beat me up just yet. Well... a little pat on the ass might not be such a bad thing. Just sayin'.
I was on a conference call the other night with three other gentlemen and a lady. (Is this called "four play"?) We were discussing dating issues for women from the male point of view. This isn't the first time I've done this and likely won't be the last. I think they're asking me to be on the call for the comic relief (DM's inane version of reality). Basically, the call was about answering questions women had for men about dating, interacting with the male of the species and what the fuck guys mean when they do crap that makes no sense to a woman.
Half the time we don't know either. Yup... we're all just nuts.
A friend of mine joined in on the call this time. He's in a witness protection program so names are being witheld to protect the not-so-innocent. My woman friend F (the lady in question and the moderator for the call) asked if I knew anyone that might be interested in joining in as she was one male short. (that brought up a bunch of shit for me... let me tell you!) His was the first name that came to mind... poor bastard. Since it was a last minute thing for him, I kind of threw him to the wolves and, I have to say, he handled it brilliantly.
Anyway, as always, there were some pretty intriguing questions. (I'll likely discuss a few of them over the next couple of days.) One of the questions was about self esteem and how we men can tell if a woman has good self esteem. One of the things that came up between the guys was receiving compliments. How a woman receives a compliment says a lot. (Not just women... men as well.) If I compliment someone and the first response is to downplay the kind word, it does two things; it tells me they haven't enough self esteem to accept a compliment gracefully and it tells me they don't value my opinion feeling the need to diminish my admiring comment.
I think that is worth repeating... it makes me feel like you don't value my opinion.
Ultimately what ends up happening is I will stop giving compliments to you at all. Why would I continue doling out my opinion of anyone if the first words out of their mouth are "Yeah, but..."? Eventually what happens is, I will cease giving my opinion at all.
For instance, if I say I like your ass, it's probably not in your best interest to say something like, "Yeah, but it's too hippy" or "Yeah, but it's growing more every day" or "Yeah, but it's not my best feature". Honestly, my belief is just that and I've given you the compliment because I want you to know how much I like your ass.
Of course, if I'm coming across as an inebriated, lecherous, stalking smartass, then you have every right to smack me upside the head with a tire iron. Those aren't compliments. They're attempts to get you in the sack and nothing more. Otherwise, if the kind word is genuine, simply smile, accept that I like your ass and say, "thank you." That's it. Nothing more is needed.
Yeah, I am still learning this too. It's not easy accepting compliments when our own opinion of ourselves doesn't match what others may think. I'm trying though.
So... while I'm on the topic... Mmm Hmm... that is one fine ass! Yum! (Uh huh... that goes into the "me being fucking lecherous" category.)
Do you like receiving compliments?