My sleep study and MSLT were postponed (the technician was sick with no replacements) for another month. I am really irritated and anxious about it. I'd just rather know.
But I've gotta ask about this provigil thing. It seems like a real mixed bag from what I read and it is what the doc has already talked about putting me on. Any opinions out there?
Hi Rich, I was diagonsed about 7 months ago. I had the honeymoon
phase with validation by being diagnosed and the first few weeks on
Provigil. The provigil keeps me 'awake' in so much as I can
function, but its like my mind id completely operating on its own.
I go through meetings and answer complex questions without so much
as a memory of it!
The original plan was to be fully awake throughout the day and as a
result reset my internal clock to sleep all night. No success. So
now, and maybe what you should consider, is trying something to
ensure your sleep and as a by-product be awake during the day...
--- In email@example.com
, Rich Grubb
> Hewwo! ^_^
> Thank you for the warm welcome! :D
> Well, everyone has "their own hell". Sure situations may seem
better or worse when a person steps back and compares... but in the
end we only truley know what we ourselves have been through. I
mean... yeah, my cancer wasn't "the BEST" thing that happened to me
in my life lol! Testicular has one of the higher survival rates if
caught in time, which thank god, mine was by pure chance. But while
I was doing chemo, I got the chance to talk to people who have been
doing it for years, and would eventually die.. even while doing
chemo/radiation... they were just prolonging it. I definetly feel
fortunate enough about how things turned out in the end... but it's
sorta like a person saying "Hey! I'm going to shoot you now, would
you like to be shot in the knee, chest, or head?" Nobody WANTS to
get shot, but I guess the knee wasn't as bad as the other places...
> And YES! Everything is in the eye of the beholder... or
beerholder. ^_^ As far as getting back on track so to speak...
*thinks* eh... I tend to use a lot of quotes, for inspiration and
such (plus with my MEGA short term memory the shorter text is the
better my chances are to remember it!!!) -- "A journey of a thousand
miles, begins with a single step." -- After dad passed away,
everyone was still in denial/shock... but I realized that I had to
go back to college. So I went to a nearby tech school to get into
CIS, and get my A+ certification. Computers are second nature to me,
so figured I'd go that route to get my foot in the door somewhere.
Fall/Winter quarters went as well as to be expected... Spring Q.
everything was going decent. One night I came home from a friends
house, jumped online and surfed around and happen to see a "Breast
Cancer Awareness" ribbon on one of the sites. Thought "Meh, I
guess... it's been a while since I've given myself a "male" exam"...
> found something. Pea-sized lump... no pain, no sickness... no
warning signs than just the lump. Freaking out and in denial I did
the worst thing I could do... I looked stuff up online. After
realizing I "could" have cancer... I took in reality. Dad died a
year and a month ago and nobody was close to accepting that, I
wasn't working, had no insurance. <<note: I'm the type of person who
would try to see alternate routes, and possibilities and the end
result. needless to say I knew I was fucked either way lol>> "A
journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." So I told my
family, and set up an appointment. The rest is a not-so-distant
> Every cancer has a different way of handling it. None are
plesant. I did two rounds. Each round took a month. The first week
(mon thru fri.) I was given 2 chemo drugs daily and an extra one on
tuesday. This was my "hell week". I felt wimpy up until friday.
Saturday is as close as I can imagine to what it'd feel like having
been embalmed alive. If you've ever rubbed a really bad sunburn,
that's about the kind of pain, just all over, inside and out and
didn't get better till monday. Then for 3 weeks I just went every
tuesday for 1 chemo drug... then began the next round.
> After that was over, needless to say I was drained. All the meds
I was on and trying to "absorb" the reality of what all was
happening... it was all I could do just to "want" to get out of bed,
let alone have the energy to. It was during chemo, however, that I
realized something very "wrong" with me.To myself, I was
becomming "stupid". I couldn't remeber a damn thing to save my life,
I couldn't concentrate, had an extreme difficulty trying to keep up
with my computer stuff... Compared to how I know for fact what I
used to be, it felt like my IQ dropped a 1/4 what it used to be. Not
that I'm a genious... but the stuff I delved in computer wise was
now beyond me, learning or remembering things now took tons of
effort, and even then it didn't work all the time. I also had this
overwhelming feeling of, haziness, I guess. I can't really describe
it. Everytime I woke up and went about the day, it didn't
feel "real", like I was still half-asleep and waiting to wake up. It
> matter how much, how little, or how scheduled of sleep I did... I
was just as tired as I was before I went to sleep. I pretty much
thought I was losing it. So I began counseling, which don't get me
wrong was a very big help in keeping me "sane", and coping with
everything that happened in that short ammount of time.
> Fast forwarding to present I went back to school at NCSC for
Digital Media/Digital Arts. Fall quarter wasn't too bad, but my days
only consisted of sleeping till going to college, then sleeping when
I got home. I had no energy for anything else. Winter I got so sick
that I had to withdraw. Last quarter was all I could do to barely
pass my classes. Again I'm not "dumb" persay, I understood the
material, participated, ect... but I couldn't remember a damned
thing the next day. I was pretty much to the point of no longer
feeling "Oh *yawn* I'm sleepy and exhausted" to "I NEED to fucking
sleep or I feel like I'm going to die" Barely passing my classes, I
am taking this summer off, in HOPES that I may be able to rest and
do well for Fall qtr....
> Currently as I'm typing this, I can barely stay awake. I was
physically exhausted when I woke up today, even though I really
didn't do anything significant the night before. I'm also realizing
that I'm "microsleeping" by automatically looking at the TV, but not
really "seeing" or remembering what was happening as time's flying
> Oh, I DO take Provigil (300mg). Using it, the only PLUS for me
(note: everyone is different) is I find that I can at least stay
semi-aware, but still "resisting" the urge to sleep which I'd
classify the feeling as an "addictive need", I really, really,
really, need it, but am resisting. I can "focus" on doing ONE thing
(like typing this letter) but while I'm doing something, I have
extreme "tunnel vision". That's the only thing that exists, and
everything else is "shut off". So lately, multitasking is near
> The Bad? I can sleep most of the day easily while using
Provigil. Increasing the dosage "may" help in increasing my
alertness, BUT it can also raise my blood pressure. To counter that,
I would have to UP my BP medication, which does cause drowsyness,
making me more sleepy! *pulls hair out*
> Well... I guess that's a "little bit" of what I can share
factually about what I know so far.
> Advice I can give?
> "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
> Nobody wants to fathom how far a thousand miles is or even begin
to walk that far. I tried 6 and could barely move afterwords. It's a
natural fear of change and fear of failure. Though I don't know you
yet (I hope to change that you seem very cool ^_^) I'm sure you've
had your share of ordeals, problems, troubles, ect... but yet you
are where you are now. If you look back, and realize the thousands
and thousands of miles you've walked and troubles you've gone
through... what's another thousand more? I'll end on a note with one
of my favorite quotes... take care, good luck, and please tell me a
lil about yourself?
> "Do... or do not... there is no try." ~Yoda
> J B <hjoychick@...> wrote: Hey Rich,
> welcome. It seems like you've been pretty much through it all. I
am to take the sleep study/mslt to determine if I have narcolepsy.
When they suggested a narcolepsy test, I thought "no way .... I
don't fall and fall asleep!" But the more I read .. including a lot
of what you've written, makes me think they might be on to
> Loved your comment about knee jerk agression being preferred to be
called sarcasm! It's nice to laugh first thing in the morning. All
these diagnosis' are in the eye of the beholder.
> Congratulations on getting the care you need, persisting, and
getting back in the saddle again. What are you studying?
> Take care,
> "There is only but one thing of which I am certain... and that's
nothing is certain."
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Next-gen email? Have it all with the all-new Yahoo! Mail Beta.
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
A ship in the harbor is safe
but that's not what ships are built for.
Grace Murray Hopper
Groups are talking. We´re listening. Check out the handy changes to Yahoo! Groups.
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