Here's that editorial from the NY times someone on the list previously
mentioned. It was also forwarded to me by an off-list friend. Since I
looked at the link suggested by the person on-list - and couldn't find the
article - I thought I'd send the list this one, in case anyone else had
trouble finding it.
-- Subject: Drill, Grill and Chill
-- Date: Sun, 20 May 2001 21:00:29 EDT
May 20, 2001
Drill, Grill and Chill
By MAUREEN DOWD
We want big. We want fast. We want far. We want now. We want 345
horsepower in a V-8 engine and 15 miles per gallon on the highway.
We drive behemoths. We drive them alone. This country was not built on
We don't have limits. We have liberties.
If we don't wear our seat belts, it doesn't matter, because we have air
If the air bags don't deploy, it doesn't matter, because our cars are so
beefy, we'll never get bruised. If we need to widen the streets for our all-
wheel drives, we will. If we need to reinforce all the bridges in the
country, so that they don't buckle and collapse under our 5,800-pound
S.U.V.'s, our engineers will do that.
We'll bake the earth. We'll brown & serve it, sautÃ© it, simmer it, sear
fondue it, George-Foreman-grill it. (We invented the Foreman grill.) We
one day bring the earth to a boil and pull it like taffy. (We invented
If rising seas obliterate the coasts, our marine geologists will sculpt new
ones and Hollywood will get bright new ideas for disaster movies. If we get
charred by the sun, our dermatologists will replace our skin.
If the globe gets warmer, we'll turn up the air-conditioning. (We invented
air-conditioning.) We'll drive faster in our gigantic, air-conditioned cars
to the new beaches that our marine geologists create.
We will let our power plants spew any chemicals we deem necessary to fire up
our Interplaks, our Krups, our Black & Deckers and our Fuji plasmavisions.
We will drill for oil whenever and wherever we please. If tourists don't
rigs off the coast of Florida, they can go fly fishing in Wyoming. We won't
be deterred by a few Arctic terns. We don't care about caribou. We don't
for cardigans. Give us our 69 degrees, winter and summer. Let there be light
-no timers, no freaky-shaped long-life bulbs. (We invented the light bulb.)
We want our refrigerators cold and our freezers colder. Bring on the freon.
Banish those irritating toilets that restrict flow. When we flush, we flush
all the way.
We will perfect the dream of nuclear power. We will put our toxic waste
wherever we want, whenever we waste it. We have whole states with nothing
better to do than serve as ancestral burial grounds for our effluvium. It
fester in those wide open spaces for thousands of years.
We will have the biggest, baddest missiles, and we will point them in any
direction we like, across the galaxies, through eternity, forever and ever.
We will thrust as many satellites as we want into outer space, and we will
surround them with a firewall of weapons for their protection.
We will guarantee broadband and fast connections to the Internet. We will
permit anybody, anywhere, at any time to threaten the delivery of all the
necessities to computers, Palm Pilots and BlackBerrys: stock quotes, sports
scores, real estate listings, epicurean.com recipes, porn. (O.K., so we
didn't invent porn.)
By arming space, and protecting satellites, we ensure life, liberty and the
pursuit of happiness â?" our 500 TV channels drawn from the ether.
We will secure the inalienable right of every citizen driving by himself in
his big car to be guided by a global positioning system. Nobody should have
to call in advance for directions to a party when the satellite can show the
We will modify food in any way we want at prices that we and we alone
determine in the cargo ships we choose at the time we set.
Our international banking arm â?" the World Bank and the I.M.F. â?" will
whatever dictatorships suit us best.
We will fly up any coast of any nation on earth with any plane filled with
any surveillance equipment and top guns that we possess.
We will build superduperjumbo jets so Brobdingnagian that runways will be
crushed under their weight at the most congested airports in the history of
aviation. (We invented aviation.)
We will buy, carry, conceal and shoot firearms whenever and wherever we
as is our constitutionally guaranteed right. (We invented the Constitution.)
We will kill any criminal we want, by lethal injection or electrocution. (We
We are America.
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