Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hello all. I have been feeling a little better each day, as changes in
medications improve my health and Physical Therapy is improving
my back and getting my muscles a little more flexible. I have even
improved my general looks a little bit by removing the 8 inches of
hair or so that had grown since last summer which no matter how
much conditioner I used would quickly turn stringy and all hang
off one side. It looked like a combover done by someone of diminished
mental capacity and that isn't a reference to Donald Trump.
Physical therapy gets a little complicated for scheduling as Eva, Buffy,
and I are all going to therapy but Buffy and I are in for 45 minutes for
our backs and Eva is there for a half hour for speech therapy. Hospital
rules don't permit minors to run loose so I go in first and then Eva and
Buffy go in as I am coming out. Friday when we went, Eva and Buffy
were headed in as I came out and I watched TV and waited for Eva to
get done. About 30 minutes later the tech brought Eva out and she
playing with a group of kids her age crawling under the benches and
running around in circles. About ten minutes later another tech came out
and took Eva back inside. It was a bit curious but not strange and after
minutes the first tech brought her back out. The other girl had thought
that there was no one out there to watch Eva because she didn't
me with my haircut. That was when I realized how bad my hair must
have looked if she couldn't recognize a 330 lb. buffalo with a white
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals
and the match was even at the end of 17 holes.
You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty
yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to
Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods
to the right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent
look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search
period ends, your opponent says, "Go ahead and hit your second
shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten
feet from the pin. About the time your ball comes to rest, you
hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!".
The second sound you hear is the sound of a club striking a ball.
The ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green,
stopping no more than six inches from the hole.
Now the real "what if" in this story: What if you had your
opponent's ball in your pocket?
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the
thought that even God had to deal with His disobedient children: Adam
And the first thing He said to them was:
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve . . . we got
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why He
hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and
Eve should have children of their own.
- My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.
- I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; I don't like to interrupt
- Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
- A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
- A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire".
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman
replied "A billionaire."
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.
- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
- How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
laundry done free.
- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
I'm so poor that,
When someone rings the doorbell I say,"DING!"
I'm so poor that,
My family eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
I'm so poor that,
We went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
I'm so poor that,
When I was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. someone asked me, "What
ya doin'?" I said, "Buying luggage."
I'm so poor that,
We wave around a Popsicle and called it air conditioning.
Lost Again! You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-
high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known
simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at
Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at
their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the
aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation
room. The pilot's story was that he took off from
Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was
about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on
the pilot and held him overnight during the
investigation. By the next day, they were finally
convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a
spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying
"you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with
threats of spending the rest of his life in prison,
told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a
heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force,
the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's
surrounded the plane...only this time there were two
people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you
want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to
tell her where I was last night!"
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THE KING'S KID INSPIRATIONAL POETRY at:
Easter Dating Method
EASTER Easter Goodies
Francine w/Easter Pages
Women Get The Vote
TexasBob wAnd The Trumpets Sounded
Marilyn w/Easter Story
PianoLadyNancy w/Easter Bunnies
A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table
had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter
said "Chopsticks are provided only on request." "But," the man
countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have
to pay someone to wash all the forks." "True," the waiter shot back,
"but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess."
Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to
heaven?" "Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you
ask?" "There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any
pictures of angels with beards." "Oh, that's because most MEN who go
to Heaven get there by a close shave."
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to
leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of
finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn
beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily. "Wow," the woman
said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."
"Actually," I replied, "that gadget's called 'my husband.'"
At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies
were to take their finals vows to become nuns,
the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter
the church just before the mass began.
They were seated at the back of the sanctuary
and insisted on sitting on the right side of the
The bishop wondered why they had come but
didn't have time to inquire before the mass began.
When it came time for some announcements,
his curiosity got the best of him. He announced
that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their
midst at the mass but, was curious as to why
they were present at this occasion where the
young ladies were to become the "brides of
The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet
and explained, "Family of the Groom."
A long time ago, in rural Michigan my family
and I were members of a small mission
church which met in the building of a small
winery. My wife taught the pre-school and
Kindergarten class and the children were
seated on the cases . We frequently had
family visitors , the grown children of the
older Parishioners with their children.
One of the younger families visiting was a
service family, Marines. The three children
were all redheads 9 , 7 , and 5 and were
mirror images of their father.
On Palm Sunday the class was taught about
the Crucifixion, and my wife showed the
story in a large book sparing nothing of the
cruel details of the sad story. The class sat
aghast until the five year old, redheaded
boy, tears streaming down his face and
hands clenched at his sides stood up in
rage and shouted, "Where the heck were the
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Susan Can Ill Afford
(another story..alas I had to change Ginger to Val.sniff sniff)
Meanwhile at the Dog-House
Ring ring ring
BJ: Sandi, this is an emergency. Susan is feeling ill.
Sandi: Egads, we will take care of it. Click!
Sandi on the megaphone: Katie, Rudy, Ginger we are needed at
daddy's work, Susan is in trouble. She is ill.
Rudy: Oh good I get to operate.
Katie comes out in a doctor's frock. I think we will do xrays and then
put her down.
Sandi: Slow down, we do not know what is wrong yet. I will warm up
They rush out to the ambulance...sirens wail and in a little bit.
Rudy pushes Ginger in a wheelchair as Sandi and Katie carry a stretcher
into American Fidelity.
Rudy: Clear the way! Emergency!
Phil: What is this?
Rudy: Out of the way buster! Slug!
Sandi: To the elevators!!
Susan is quietly working in her cubicle when she hears a distubance.
Crash, bam, Ka-pow!
Katie: Here she is! Follow me!
Susan: Hi guys!
Rudy: She is in shock. Put her in the stretcher.
Katie: Give her a doggie bone to settle her down.
Val: Poor thing....do you think she will have to be put down?
Rudy: We will do what we can.
Sandi: Here put this flea and tick collar on her. Next give her this
Rudy: She is looking better already. Give me my water bowl. She
might be thirsty. A can of alpo next please.
Katie: What is the problem Susan?
Susan: I feel crappy.
Rudy: She needs to poo. Take her outside on a leash.
Susan: No, no, not that kind of poo.
Val: There are other kinds of poo?
Susan: It is a term that means, not feeling well.
Katie: Oh, yes, well go home, sleep and call us in the morning.
Fifty dollars please.
Susan: But but but.
Katie: Cash, check or credit card?
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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