Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have had enormous problems with my ISP delivering mail this
weekend as they attempt to configure the spam filters and I
can relate to the frustrations that many of you have felt as
Yahoogroups disabled my account this morning because of 27
bounces and a hard bounce. If you have problems reaching me at
addy is working
I want to thank everyone who sent letters on the loss of our cat
Ms. Picky. She enjoyed the lists and tried her hand at writing on numerous
occasions by walking across keyboard. Frequently I
would miss her messages and little bits of 7wgh65 type chat
would be intermingled amongst the jokes much the same as
the speech recognition program from Hell does now even after
it's turned off. Fortunately there is little time with all that happens
during the day to dwell on Ms. Picky's death and sad thoughts
are quickly replaced with good memories and there are 14 years
I don't have to go far for amusements or distractions . The other
night a disturbance erupted in the street as a drunken woman on
a bicycle ran into the Coke truck parked next door and then had an argument
with the college students upstairs when she attempted to
leave the scene. The daughter arrived home at the same time and
added her voice to the arguments and the scanner started going off
as multiple neighbors and the blind wife of the Coke truck driver ,
who had heard the accident, summoned police. After the attempted
hit and run issue was resolved, the spectators stayed out on their
porches to discuss the event . not much excitement but better than having
drive by shootings and robberies to contend with.
And as a break to all of my ISP problems, I lost my keys yesterday
in Wal-Mart. It had to be one of those days when I had been all over
the store and had frozen foods to get home. Fortunately I have a spare house
and car key in my wallet for those type of emergencies and
after the groceries were unloaded I drove back and someone had
turned my keys in at the service desk. Maybe my luck is changing
and the stock market and my 401k will stabilize next hehheh followed
by my winning the lottery.
Enjoy the chips, and have a great Sunday...buffalo
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It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers entered the posh
Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker, "Mr. Ford,"
announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We have a remarkable
invention that will revolutionise the automobile industry." Ford looked
sceptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition kept his interest
piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to you in person."
After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to
enter a black automobile parked in front of the building. Hyman Cohen, the
middle brother, opened the door of the car. "Please step inside, Mr.
"What!" shouted the tycoon, "Are you crazy? It must be two hundred degrees
in that car!"
"It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit down Mr. Ford and push
the white button." Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a
whoosh of freezing air started blowing from vents all around the car and
within seconds the automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool.
"This is amazing!" exclaimed Ford. "How much do you want for the patent?"
Norman spoke up, "The price is one million dollars." Then he paused. And
there is something else. The name 'Cohen Brothers Air-conditioning' must be
stamped right next to the Ford logo!"
"Money is no problem," retorted Ford, "but no way will I have a Jewish name
next to my logo on my cars!' They haggled back and forth for a while and
finally they settled. Five million dollars, but the Cohens' name would be
left off. However, the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever
emblazoned upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.
And that is why, even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you will see
those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control panel:
NORM, HI and MAX.
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Baby feeding time
A brush with death
It's Not Survivor
Read The Sign
On the Run
He was cut down in his prime
THINGS MOM ALWAYS SAID
1. Look at me when I'm talking to you.
2. Look at this room! It looks like a pig-sty
3. Money does NOT grow on trees.
4. Never try on anyone eles's glasses or you'll go blind.
5. No child of MINE would do something like that.
6. Nobody asked you
7. Now, say you're sorry..........and MEAN it
8. Put that down! You don't know where it's been
9. Running away? Don't let the door hit you in the rear.
10. Runny away? I'll help you pack
11. Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?
12. shut your outh and eat.
13 So it's raining? You're not sugar you won't melt.
14. So what if Bob's mom let him do it. If Bob's mom let him jump
of hte Empire State Building would you want me to let you do it too?
15. Someday your face will freeze like that
16. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
17. There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes
18. Think of those poor children starving in China
19. This hurts me more than it hurts you
20. Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?
21. Watch your language
22. Watch your mouth
23. Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a
24. Were you born in a barn? Close that door........and DON'T
25. What if everyone jumped off a cliff.......would you do it too?
26. What kind of grade is that? You could do much better
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On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-
education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.
The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to
Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18
grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired
what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional
Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's
anything you want to know, just ask me."
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When South Vietnam was nearing its end, and General Minh was in
charge, a popular artist came to him and asked to make a statue in his
honor (at government expense).
"Please, General Minh, you are the people's hero," he told him.
"Yes, but make the sculpture in bronze," replied the General. So the
artist made the sculpture, but when it was unveiled in a small private
ceremony, the General was furious. For the sculpture was made in gold.
"I want bronze," he said, "I want bronze!"
The artist went away in a hurry, deeply impressed with this show of
humility. But he still wanted to honor the general, so he made the
next sculpture in silver.
But again the General was furious. "I want bronze," he said, "I want
This time the artist made the sculpture out of bronze as asked. When
the sculpture was revealed to the General, he was overjoyed at the
wonderful bronze likeness.
The artist then complimented the General on his deep humility.
This notion confused him very much. "But why did you want sculpture
made of bronze?"
"Why? I'll tell you why," said the General, "Because General Minh
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Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her
very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the
elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.
The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her
that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in
New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked
fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?"
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A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in
case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as
food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring
with you?" asked the Scout Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the
water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to
come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"
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Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin,
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close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling
into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend
inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
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One Man's Junk Is Another Man's Art
February 18, 2002
WE AMERICANS tend to assume that the British are more intelligent than we
are, because they speak with British accents. That's why we need to know
about the Turner Prize.
This is a much-publicized prize awarded annually to a British artist. The
people who award it say it's "one of the most important and prestigious
awards for the visual arts in Europe." Besides prestige, the winner gets
20,000 pounds, which, if you convert it to American dollars, is a large
wad of American dollars.
To win that kind of money, you'd think the artist would have to produce
an actual, physical piece of art - a painting, a sculpture, a statue of
the Queen carved out of cheese - something.
Nope. The 2001 Turner Prize went to an artist named Martin Creed, whose
entry was entitled: "The Lights Going On and Off." It consists, as the
title suggests, of lights going on and off in a vacant room. They go on
for five seconds, then off for five seconds.
That's it. In other words, this guy got 20,000 pounds for demonstrating
the same artistic talent as a defective circuit breaker.
Here's the scary part: He deserved to win. I say this because, according
to BBC News, his strongest competition was an artist whose entry
consisted of a dusty room "filled with an array of disparate objects,
including a plastic cactus, mirrors, doors and old tabloid newspapers."
Some gallery visitors mistook this for an actual storeroom, before
realizing that it was art.
So Martin Creed's blinking lights probably looked pretty darned artistic
to the Turner Prize jurors. The prize was formally presented by Madonna,
who said: "Art is always at its best when there is no money, because it
is nothing to do with money and everything to do with love." That
Madonna! Always joking! You should know that the artistry of Martin Creed
is not limited to blinking lights. Another of his works is entitled "A
sheet of A4 paper crumpled into a ball." It's a piece of paper crumpled
into a ball. Perhaps you're thinking: "How come when I crumple paper,
it's trash, but when this guy does it, it's art?" The answer is that
Creed has an artistic asset that you don't have: the fervent admiration
of professional art twits. For example, one critic wrote that Creed's
ball of paper "is not simply a sheet of A4 paper, it is a beautifully
crumpled piece of A4 paper." Creed has also received critical acclaim for
attaching a rubber doorstop to an art-gallery floor so that the door
could be opened only partway. This annoyed the public, which, being the
stupid old public, did not recognize that the doorstop was art.
Naturally, the critics thought it was brilliant.
Frankly, I admire Martin Creed. He can do whatever he wants, and the
critics will declare that it's art, especially if it annoys normal
people. If he suspended a bucket over an art-gallery door so it dumped
water on whoever walked in, he'd be hailed as a genius. In fact, he may
already have done this.
Another important British artist is Damien Hirst. In 1995, he also won
the Turner Prize, for an entry that consisted of (I am not making any of
this up) a cow and a calf cut in half and preserved in formaldehyde. Last
October, a London gallery threw a party to launch an exhibition by Hirst.
When it was over, there was a bunch of party trash - beer bottles,
ashtrays, coffee cups, etc. - lying around.
Hirst, artist that he is, arranged this trash into an "installation,"
which is an artistic term meaning "trash that the gallery can now price
at 5,000 pounds and try to sell to a wealthy moron." The next morning, in
came the janitor, who, tragically, was not an art professional. When he
saw the trash, he assumed that it was trash, and threw it away.
"I didn't think for a second that it was a work of art," he later told
When the gallery staff arrived, they went out and retrieved the artistic
trash from the regular trash, then reassembled the original installation,
guided by photographs taken the night before.
So to summarize the London art scene: A trash arrangement, created by an
award-winning artist, is painstakingly recreated by art gallery
professionals, who hope to sell it for 5,000 pounds to an art collector,
assuming the collector can open the gallery door, which might be blocked
by a doorstop placed there to critical acclaim by another award-winning
The thing to bear in mind about all this is that everyone involved has a
British accent. Including, more and more, Madonna.
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WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
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From The Buffalos Mail Box
Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )
From Hot Buttons
WILL PEOPLE WATCH SEPT. 11 COVERAGE?
The television networks are planning elaborate programming
marathons to commemorate the one-year anniversary of Sept.
11, but many advertisers are planning to honor the day by
staying off the air, The Wall Street Journal reports.
For example, NBC-TV plans to air a six-hour "Today Show," an
afternoon town hall meeting with survivors and others and
then a special "Concert for America."
Marketers worry about appearing crass if their soda and com-
puter commercials pop up in the middle of solemn remembrances
of a day that by now has almost religious significance, the
Some networks say instead of selling commercials they may
ink sponsorship deals, offering marketers a low-key form of
credit for underwriting programming.
-- Are marketers right in not buying ads during Sept. 11
-- Does the public want marathon Sept. 11 programming on the
anniversary of the terrorist attacks?
Help send Charles C. Benoit to jail for up to
five years! Charles C. Benoit was arrested in
Liberty, Missouri, on July 16, 2002 for burning a
7-week-old kitten on a barbecue grill, while others
watched with amusement, as he poked the defenseless
kitten with a stick, and maliciously chanted
"Meow, meow". One brave woman stepped in to save the
kitten. The kitten later named "Lucky" by his
rescuer wasn't so lucky after all, when he had to be
put down because of his severe injuries. Sign
this petition to urge the Clay County Prosecutor's
Office to seek the maximum sentence of five years
in prison and the maximum fine of $5000, for
Charles C. Benoit. Don't let Charles C. Benoit and
others like him go free with a slap on the hand.
Charles C. Benoit could be a danger to society and
could possibly become a repeat offender. Serial
killer Jeffrey Dahmer tortured and killed helpless
animals in his youth. Don't let him go free!
Click here: Don't Let Charles C. Benoit Go Free
DATE: July 11, 2002
FROM: Jerry Falwell
Pledge Case Was A Fraud From the Get-Go
Atheist firebrand Michael Newdow brought suit
against the Pledge of
Allegiance by proclaiming his eight-year-old
daughter was offended by
its recitation in her public school classroom.
That entire case is a sham.
In a conversation with one of my staff members on
Chaffin, pastor of the Laguna Calvary Chapel
Church, verified that the
young girl actually attends Sunday school at his
church and loves the
Lord Jesus Christ. The little girl's mother is a
Sunday school teacher
Furthermore, the girl's mother, Sandra Banning,
has sent a statement
to members of Congress that spells out the
conniving of this father in
the high-profile case.
"In her discussions with me, [my daughter]
expressed sadness about the
decision," said Banning. "I assured her that this
was a long process
and there were many steps before the Pledge would
be changed and the
words 'under God' removed. Hearing this, she told
me that it was okay
because she will still whisper 'one nation under
God' and no one will
hear her and know she is breaking the law," she
said. Banning added
that she was concerned that "the American public
would be led to
believe that my daughter is an atheist."
And why wouldn't the nation believe such a notion
when that is what
Mr. Newdow portrayed to be the reality of the
case. My heart goes out
to that little girl.
It is now apparent that this atheist glory hound
has used his daughter
to gain national prominence. He has used his
daughter to promote his
own godless agenda.
WorldNetDaily has now reported that as a result
of this actuality,
Michael Newdow is "attempting to reframe the
basis of his lawsuit as
injuring his right as a parent to direct the
religious upbringing of
his child." Mr. Newdow will apparently do
anything - even manipulate
his own daughter - in order to enact his personal
quest for fame and
leftist activism. His story always seems to be
changing in this quest
to kick God out of school. The Associated Press
reported that he was
trying to raise his daughter as an atheist, but
now he denies even
I wonder now if the American Civil Liberties
Union, Americans United
for Separation of Church and State, the American
Hollywood and the rest of the crusaders of abject
continue to rally behind this man.
The thing is, Mr. Newdow will very well fade into
obscurity now, but
other despisers of our nation's Judeo-Christian
heritage and our
history of reliance on God will come to the
forefront to take up his
battle. We have seen now that his legal challenge
of "under God" in
the Pledge now has judicial endorsement - at
least at the loony Ninth
U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco.
unbelievably found that the Pledge "sends a
message to unbelievers
that they are outsiders, not full members of the
It's almost funny that men of esteem would
actually write such a
decision. But it's too tragic to laugh.
That ruling, should it stand, would actually
prevent young students in
nine Western states from reciting the present
words of the Pledge in
WHAT CAN WE DO?
I am asking my friends to do two things to
continue their support of
our beloved Pledge of Allegiance:
(1) If you have not signed the petition (
support of the Pledge,
please do so now by clicking on the link. If you
have signed it, I
implore you to get several friends/family members
to sign it now. (
) We are
nearing one million
signers of the petition and I want to be able to
deliver the names to
the Ninth Circuit Court, the U.S. Supreme Court,
and every lawmaker in
America and President George W. Bush.
(2) Send an E-mail of support to Sandra Banning
to let her know you
appreciate her effort to train up her daughter in
the ways of the
Lord. You can send a word of support to the
Again, please help me complete our goal of one
million names on our
the Pledge of Allegiance by signing our petition
and then sending your
friends to our petition site.
The Meaning of the Pledge: I hope you will take a
moment to listen to
the late Red Skelton as he expresses in a
heart-moving way his
interpretation of the Pledge of Allegiance. (
) Listen to his
prophetic warning at the end; his concern about
the Pledge has come to
We got this reunion notice to pass on to anyone who might be a Korean
War Veteran or who knows someone that is. Some may have newsletters
that can help get the word out to a Korean War Veteran that might like
to attend this reunion.
From: The Skinners
Info for reunion:
Sept 13-15. Will be at Ramada Inn, Sumter, SC.
Cost will be $25 per person for planned meals. Checks should be sent to:
P.O. Box N
Aiken, SC 29802
Cut-off for food registration: Sept 1, 2002
Ramada Inn in Sumter: 1-800-457-6884 for reservations. Specify code KOREA
for best rates.
Friday events: Mix and mingle at Ramada Inn. There will be a free hot dog
dinner at Mill Creek State Park (a few miles from Sumter) in conjunction
with a Studebaker car show.
Saturday events: Assuming Shaw AFB is not a closed base, we will have use of
Club Shaw for eight (8) hours. A luncheon will be served at 1:00 and supper
at 5:00. If base is closed, food money will be returned and meals will be at
Sunday events: Mix and mingle, depart for home.
Footnote: Ann Wagner and husband left home in Colo. on June 1 and are making
RV tour of country. There will be no way to communicate with her until she
arrives at Shaw for reunion.
Hope this helps. If more info needed, I'll try to supply.
Via Tom Parsons
A Question of Blood
The piece is entitled, "A Question of Blood," written by Dan Gordon, and it
appeared in The Jewish Journal on May 29, 2002.
Dan Gordon is a former sergeant in the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces), the
author of five books, and a screen writer.
He was in Jenin on April 16, and was told a story by Dr. David Zangen,
chief medical officer of the Israeli paratroop unit that bore the brunt of
the fighting in Jenin.
Dr. Zangen said that the IDF not only worked to keep the Palestinian
hospital opened, they offered the Palestinians blood for their wounded.
The Palestinians refused because it was Jewish blood!!
The Israelis, who could not have been faulted for saying, "You don't like
it, do without...," instead flew in 2,000 units of blood from Jordan via
helicopters. In addition, they saw to it that 40 units of blood from the
Mukasad Hospital in East Jerusalem went to the hospital in Ramallah and that
70 units got to the hospital in Tul Karem. And on top of that they
facilitated the delivery of 1,800 units of anti-coagulants that had come
This information was later confirmed by Col. Arik Gordin (reserves)
of the IDF Office of Military Spokesman, who supplied the exact number of
units and the names of the hospitals to which they were delivered.
Dan Gordon concludes thus:
"So the question to ponder... is how do you negotiate with a hatred so
great that it will refuse to accept your blood, even to save its own
people's lives? How does an international community vilify a nation that
offers its own blood to its enemies, while its own soldiers lie dying, and
that, when faced with race hatred that brands their blood unfit, diverts
military flights to bring blood more suitable to the taste of those who
would destroy them?"
Takes my breath away. How about yours? Please, don't be quiet about this
story. Share it far and wide
May I be a part of your "fan club"???
I enjoy your chips.
I also appreciate your not making fun of service men and women, and I do not
remember any of your chips being racist.
I like that.
I am )more than) a little disappointed that you use stories like the
"Parting Chips" in last Friday, Aug 2.
It is a great story, but why do you have to use Jesus and the Apostles?
I for one do not believe that Jesus needs an emergency meeting with His
Apostles, as He can very well decide it on His own.
I am not one of those "holy rollers" that do not condone any comedy with
biblical intonation, but to belittle the Lord Jesus might be going a little
I do not wish to offend nor tell you how to judge your content, but do feel
the message in question could offend. Of course, this is only my opinion
and I do not think it fait to force my views upon others.
Keep up the effort to spread loads of fun.
"Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and
disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption
problem all over the world."
Buffalo says, possibly a little offensive to some but the thought that
crossed my mind as I read it was , how many reraders will realize that the
point is that Judas having betrayed the Lord in the Bible and history
would and could do it again to day given the chance. Admittedly a poor way
to get people to think about the Lord but it does do just that
and does bring home the fact that drugs are illegal. OK so much for excuses
that are pretty lame anyway I am sorry you were offended by the joke .
Dear Bill, I am so sorry to hear you lost your Ms. Pickey Jane. I know
the empty ache it leaves in your heart when you lose any animal, but
when you lose one whose so special to you it just practically destroys
you and you'll hurt for a very long time, but God is good and he will
help thru this and how lucky you were to have had her for as long as you
did and have received her love and for her to be there for you to love.
I got hooked up with a great spot on the net about 3 yrs ago--- 2 yrs
after my baby Fred, who I was lucky enough to share my life and love
with for 18 yrs. and it's called the Rainbow Bridge, I don't have the
e-mail address for it but I have it saved in my favorites and will
e-mail the site to you as soon as I close, God Bless you and "Buffy" and
you wife and thanks again for the chips ---- I so enjoy them. Mary
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