Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I ventured outside for the first time in days and was immediately
disgusted by the mess the plowdrivers had left. I expected my
car to be buried but they had plowed the gravel alley into the
street and left a hump in the middle of the road. It took me a
hour to clean a spot to put the car in so I could teach the
daughter the art of snowblower operation and then I cleaned off
the car . We finished and I went back into the house for ten
minutes and there was another inch of snow on the ground when
we came out . I drove over to the store and the windows were
fogging over so I opened the drivers window to help clear the
windshield. In the fire lane there was a young lady with a small
dog on a leash that was in the fire lane. I said out loud but to
myself," Move the rat lady" , smiling as I said it . She smiled back
said " Sorry" and pulled the dog away and then I realized that she
had heard what I said and everyone started laughing. Ah the power
of a smile. Enjoy the chips and we got everyone's New Year's
resolution in the Scuttlebutt today , If by some chance we missed
you send one in and we will add it to the regular mail and BTW like
a lot of people Buffalo hopes to loose some weight and keep things
flexible . It's a rapid changing world out there , you must bend or
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Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time,
but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any
housework. That, he declared, was woman's work! But one evening
Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of
wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the
stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was
astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on.
It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine
article that suggested working wives would be more romantically
inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the
housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job.
The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the
office. "How did it work out?" they asked. Mary said. "Charley even
cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry
and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening."
"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't
work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."
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Behind The Scenes at an Arctic Photo Shoot...
Is tthis animal cruelty or what????
He got nailed real good
Should he "paws" or not?
A truck driver tried to edge his semi past the lady driver on the
of him as she was obviously having difficulty deciding which lane she
to be in. Finally, her mind made up, the woman veered into the truck
driver's lane and jammed on her brakes, which resulted in a slight
Unhurt but obviously harried, the lady driver rushed over to the truck
driver and started to bawl him out, barking, "You knew I was going to
something idiotic. Why didn't you stop to wait and see what it was?"
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Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a
terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became
something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record
of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three
hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar
job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for
leaving his previous position.
Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
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It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just
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Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my
porridge?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
and screams, "For goodness's sake, how many times do we have to go
I haven't made the porridge yet!!"
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Subscriber SpotlightBest New Year 2002 From Karen
Rose Bowl Parade
Happy New Year From George from Brooklyn
New Year's from Fox Diana's Den
Year In Sports
Pic Of The Day From LynnLynn
New Year's Day History, Customs and Traditions
Ty and Surf Happy New Year's
Happy New Year From Pam
Happy New Year From Fanny
Happy New Year From Laine
CeeDee Happy New Year
New Year Prayer
New Year's day 2002
Happy New Year
On This Day
Happy New Year
Prayer For The New Year
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
Have been receiving your newsletters (adult & clean) for over a year
enjoy it very much!
My New Years Resolution is to finally (I am 31 this year) learn to
My New Year's resolution is to stop stressing over all the "little
that aren't important and just enjoy life more!
My resolution every year is to try to draw closer to God so that I
more of a blessing to others. Marleen
my new years resolution is to stop being so mean and sarcastic to
that i meet. And to stop doing so many drugs. LoL!
I promise to read buffalo ever day in 2002
TOMMY in central texas
First, I thoroughly enjoy your ezine. I get both the clean and
is good because it's easier to read your natter and reader's comments
clean zine but those adult jokes are good IMHO. Don't know why there
two different type fonts, but that's life.
My resolution for 2002 is to keep off any weight I lose. No, fur
the 17th I started a new program at the Medical University of South
called the Focus Program. It's brand new, and I've already lost 11
in 10 days. Now, of course it won't be like that forever, but it
feels good. But the most important part---and naturally the hardest--
keep it off. Hence my resolution.
Keep up the chips.
My New Year's resolution is to start eating a much healthier, more
quit smoking, and do my best to wake up every morning with a smile
is going to be a wonderful day. Happy New Year to everyone and may it
peace and prosperity for all.
To quit smoking again....
I resolve to make no resolution so that I don't have to feel bad about
Byford from Jacksonville, FL
I resolve to cut down on the number of Bud Lites I have at my
establishment, time to get back down to a 36" waist.
P.S. Where is all the snow for us here in the southeastern part of the
i resolve to spend more time with my teenagers...lol....i might not
what i am letting myself in for.....
I am a guy is who is going to find him a boyfriend/husband this year
I resolve not to make any New Year Resolution this year.
My resolution is to not have sex with my wife when she wants it,
year is not enough, Lookin for some New in 2002!!!!
DOC From Philly
I hope you had a great holiday and a happy New Year. I have a few
resolutions, hope thats ok.
1. I am going to try to quit smoking, again (If you don't smoke don't
it is hard to quit)
2. I am going to try to eat better and drink more water.
3. I am going to try to get more exercise.
New Years resolution for 2002! Very easy to make, probably very
to do. I quit smoking six months ago, and with the quit came an extra
thirty pounds. So now, I have to lose that extra weight. Maybe if I
started smoking again.............
Happy New Year Buff!
To try to watch what I eat so I can lose some weight...
eat more leafy greens .
Best to you and family,
I'VE RESOLVED NOT TO MAKE ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.
OOOOOOPS! DAMN! I JUST DID! DAMN!
The only one I've ever been able to keep, since 1968, 'never make
a job i neeeeeeed a job, and id like to quit smoking although im kind
stressed right now so how about once i get a job ill work on the no
smoking..happy new year buffalo!!!!
I would like God to take away my selfishness for the new year.
I make the same resolutions every year.
The reason so many people "break" their resolutions is they make
unrealistic ones....ie..to lose mega amounts of weight...to totally
change their life styles....not good.
We should make small obtainable ones.
I make two resolutions a year and have kept them every year.
1. To get in touch with at least 5 people I have not seen in many
(whether it be by phone, mail, or in person)
2. To tell at least 10 people that they are appreciated. (I believe
there is not enough positive comments made to people....try this one
and see how many people do not believe you are sincere...some people
have a difficult time taking a compliment)
There you have it...my New Year's Resolutions.
Have a great New Year.
WHAT IS YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
OURS IS TO GO ON A DIET...HA,HA,HA,
YOU KNOW IT WON'T LAST FOR LONG.LOL
I resolved a few years ago not to make any more resolutions. Sorry.
I will devote more time for my health, which is wealth.
My new years resolutions start with [hopefully] giving birth to my
fifth child, who is already LATE! I was due christmas day.
Second, I want to go back to school.
Third, I'm joining a gym! five kids later I deserve to trim down and
fourth, work harder to teach my children that everyone is an
individual and ALL are allowed their personal thoughts and opinions.
My New Years Resolution as always is Lose weight & eat healthy! Barb
Here's my New Year's Resolution:
I'm going to lose 10 lbs in 2002, then I'll be happy...no wait
I'm going to lose 10 lbs and exercise so it comes off my thighs, then
be happy...no wait
I'm going to lose 10 lbs, exercise so it comes off my thighs, and
up my buttocks in 2002, then I'll be happy!
I hate to exercise....I'll never be happy.....I don't do resolutions
Happy New Year Buffalo
I'd be happy if the snow would just stop here in north Buffalo, NY
My Resoulution,is not to be such a compulsive shopper, I have already
purchased 6 gifts for christmas next year, :), I cant seem to help
it, it is
like an addiction for me, always turning into some stores parking
well,it could be worse.. Happy NEW YEARS to you!
Happy New Year to you!!! I haven't written your chip column in so
hope all your readers had a very Merry Christmas(holiday), and a safe
As a transplanted New Yorker(I now live in the south)...that's the
I miss at Christmas...the snow! Not as much as Buffalo is getting(I
family living there)...but enough to remind me of my childhood. I
foot snowfalls...and 6 foot snow drifts...and the stores were still
I feel for all that live in Buffalo...please stay safe!
Has anyone heard from Pop Warner? I e-mailed him back a while
he's doing okay. I've lost his e-mail address...Pop if you're reading
I'm the one that asked about war time veteran benefits for grand
for college. I hope to hear that you're doing okay.
Resolutions....what are they? I no longer make them...live one day
time...to the fullest. You may not be here tomorrow! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO
My wish is for the World to come to Peace and be able to get along
other Countries. :-)
My life has really changed in the last year... mainly that I now have
take dialysis treatments three times a week to stay alive. I spent a
good part of 2001 feeling sorry for myself because I have to get up at
4:30 am three days a week and then drive 20 miles one way and spend 5
hours on a dialysis machine. The important thing though, is that I get
to LIVE! Without the treatments I would die a miserable death in a
short time. THEREFORE.. my resolutions are: To cherish and enjoy every
moment of life! To find the good in others even if it takes some
looking! To give my best smile to every one I meet and not let it
me if they don't smile back. To continue to treaure my family and
friends, and make new friends whenever I can. Happy New Year Everyone!
God bless all. Miki
My major resolution is to try not to stress so much this coming year.
(P.S. Pataki may not be using it for WTC but that is what the family
told as to why her husband's veteran's benefits were stopped. This
from her daughter who's now being forced to support her because of it
stopped. If it's not to rebuild WTC like we were told, then I'd like
know WHY it was stopped. I do know the WTC had insurance and I
was bogus too, until I found out from the actual source who called
office to complain.)
My resolution for the New Year is to talk to recruiters and make a
decision on which branch of the military I will enter after I
I resolve to lose at least 25 pounds and get back on my excerise
To lose fifty (50) or a few more pounds.
I have decided to share my New Years Resolutions for the year upon us-
resolve to forego clog dancing; and especially blowing my horn while
making obscene finger gestures at gangs of outlaw bikers...
I know these will be resolutions hard to keep, but I believe I can do
Wish me luck,
I plan to lose 50 to 75 pounds this year, and keep it off. I also
finish three afghans and two cross stitch projects.
I RESOLVE TO TAKE WHATEVER LIFE THROWS ME AND SQUEEZE ALL THE
IT THAT I POSSIBLY CAN WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE ELSE..COLONEL aka D.O.M.
I have ordered me a treadmill and it is suppose to be here on Jan 2
think you can get an idea what mine is need to lose weight and need
Buffalo, My New Year's rsolution is to be less critical of my
up the good work..I can't LIVE without your site every morning with my
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"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know
if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say
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Guy goes to the doctor with problems with his leg. The doctor checks
out and tells him they have to amputate his leg. So the guy goes to
and by mistake they amputate the wrong leg. When the guy gets out of
surgery, the doctor tells him about the mistake and so the next day
back into surgery and they remove the bad leg.
The guy, quite upset over the gross mistake contacts a lawyer and
The lawyer listens to him and says " I'm sorry but there's nothing we
do about the mistake. No court in the world will listen to you".
"Why not"? asks the guy.
"Because" answered the lawyer "you don't have a leg to stand on".
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Star Wars Chips
INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:
A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE
SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.
A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off
into the ventilation shaft.
Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to
go but straight down.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know
that brass droid of yours?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at
no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly
destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me
what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord
of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had
exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old,
winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod
right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose
you are, but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down
Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a haircut
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From The Buffalos Mail Box
Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors
around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )
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Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey..." asked the brunette at the wheel ,"Any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.
"Yeah.......looks like it..."
"Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again......
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While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out
a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature
"How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my
sister laughed. "I see..it's a lot like my husband,"
she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything
out of him."
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