Wicked article that I thoroughly enjoyed, posted
on the Asiapeace list by Dr Ishtiaq Ahmed.
This article was first published in iranian.com
A woman leads prayers? What's left of Moslem
By: Siamack Baniameri
March 29, 2005
On Friday March 18, 2005, something interesting
happened. Amina Wadud, a professor of Islamic
studies at Virginia Commonwealth University, led
an Islamic prayer service before a congregation
of 100 Moslem men and women at Synod House at the
Cathedral of St. John the Divine in Manhattan. As
expected, a few hours later, all hell broke
The imam of a London mosque declared the practice
against Islam. A woman should never lead prayers,
he elaborated, because during the menstrual
cycle, there is always the possibility of an
accident during the service: if a man happens to
glance at the female imam's behind and spots
blood, then the gates of heaven will forever be
shut to the poor chump.
Thank you, dear imam, for clarifying a few things
for me. First of all, I had no idea women bled
from their behind during the menstrual cycle. I
guess that means I was pulled out of my mother's
ass. Silly me... I was completely in the dark.
Secondly, as an avid ass-looker, I can assure the
good imam that in all my years of looking at
women's behinds from all different angles, I've
never spotted blood. Maybe I'm not looking hard
enough. Who knows? Maybe the imam is a better
ass-looker than I am! I've never claimed to be
good at anything.
And by the way, I didn't know there's a shortage
of tampons in London. What's up with that?
Meanwhile Soad Saleh, who heads the Islamic
department of the women's college at Al-Azhar
University in Cairo, said women should not lead
prayers because "the woman's body, even if
veiled, stirs desires."
What can I say? Like many of my Middle Eastern
brothers, I have a lifetime subscription to Play
Veil magazine. Miss January was absolutely
gorgeous and even though I couldn't see anything
behind her veil, in some perverted way, she
stirred my desires.
I can't explain it. Only we Middle Eastern men
are capable of looking at women who are covered
under lumps of unforgiving black sheets and feel
aroused. Heck, I sometimes look at drapes hanging
from windows and get horny!
According to Ms. Saleh, we Middle Eastern men are
sexually so out of control that there's a strong
chance we might hump a female imam in the middle
of Friday prayers. Thank you Ms. Saleh! Thank you
very much for your in-sight!
But I think the best line came from the cleric of
a mosque in Saudi Arabia. The honorable sheikh
expressed outrage by mentioning several times,
"how can a woman who touches her husband's organ
lead a prayer... it is inconceivable!"
Obviously the sheikh is unaware that married
women do not touch their husband's organ. As a
matter of fact that's the main reason women get
married ... so they don't have to touch, fondle
or stroke any part of a man's body. In fact women
are done with sex the day after they get married.
Obviously the sheikh is enjoying an unusually
active sex-life with his wife.
I feel the anger of my fellow fundamentalist
brothers. We're not only challenged by an
intellectual who knows her Islam but, even worse,
we're challenged by a woman. The very fact that a
woman is more intelligent, and makes no apologies
for it, insults our very existence.
This has nothing to do with Islam; it's about
what we've learned from our fathers and
grandfathers. This is about money and power --
the very essence of our manhood. This is not
about menstrual cycles, stirring desires or
fondling organs. It's about fear and insecurity.
Nothing is more intimidating to a man than a
woman who sees right through him.
Personally, as an Iranian Moslem man, it would be
a privilege and honor to stand behind a female
imam and pray to my God. I promise I'll never
glance at her behind -- unless, of course, God
has blessed her with one that is too divine to
Who knows? Maybe one day women can have several
husbands too. Reversal of fortune is entertaining
-- don't you think? Maybe we'll see the day when
women with their Gucci purses and Prada shoes
walk in front and we follow them two steps behind
covered in thick dark sheets, pushing strollers
and gasping for air. Imagine me and the sheikh
and a couple of other fellows being some woman's
bitches. Oh, the payback!
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The Iranican
Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December
2004). Also see Iranican-Dream.com.
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