I am a military wife with a four year old daughter. We had fostered about 15 children total six years ago.
About two and a half years ago, my husband and I decided that we wanted to adopt a 13 year old boy from Childrens Home Society in Kissimmee, Florida (Osceala County).
We lived in another county, Clay County, which was about 3 to 4 hours drive depending on the traffic.
Since we we're previously foster parents, the process of everything went on very smoothly.
We met the boy for the first time in the middle of September 2006, by the first week of October, the first week-end visit to our house was scheduled.
Then , the second time was around Thanks Giving. By December he was allowed to travel with us out of state.
Before New Year, it was decided that He can moved in with us, the agency did not want to move the boy anywhere else because he was in a theraputic foster care home, it would be hard to find another place, and the boy was so unhappy with his foster parent at that time. ( Duhh...ligth bulb did not come on! ) So...it was decided, the boy will be staying with us. Holiday was over, we had transfered him to a new school, we are temporary parents untill the final adoption.
Anyway, back to the time, the very first time the boy came to visit in our home. Our lap top mysteriously dissapeared and we did not find it untill he came back the second time for a week-end visit. The lap top magically appeared in his room supposedly sitting on the entertaiment shelf all that time (which was a big lie because I had just cleaned the shelves before the boy's visit, so there was no dust around it, if was sitting there for a month dust will leave marks around the computer! ) So.. I checked the history, and to my surprise all kinds of gay porn web sites started appearing and so I shut it down and confronted the boy. He kept his lies and even cried repeatedly, swearing to God that he found the lap top in his room and that's when he used it and got on those web sites.
We told the agency about what had happened, the agency assured us that it was just nothing. (We're aware and was informed by the agency that he is ADHD and maybe femine and it was on his record and nothing to be concerned about, kids will be kids about curiosity! ). We had discussed about the issue and had put it aside for the moment.
After a month living with us, the school called us and informed us, that our son to be was caugth using the school library computer visiting gay porn web sites. He was suspended for a week and suspended for a year from the school computer. (Now this is the second time about exploring gay porn web sites, while he is in our care!).
Again, we called Orlando agency and told them what had happened and that we (my husband and I), are changing our minds about adopting the boy and they need to pick him up.
The agency did not send anyone untill two days later and the staff that came over just talked to us and told us that it was too early in the relationship to give up! Sad to say, but we listened and gave it another try.
By the month of May 2007 the adoption was finalized, it was May 9th to be exact. After the adoption was finalized , my husband and I decided that we're giving the boy one of our cell phone, to be use for emergency, and also If my husbancd and I where somewhere else, we can call him and let him know that will be late or something.
Anyway, after a few weeks went by, we recieved the cell phone bill for that particular phone , and that the boy had charged up $700.00 total for that phone, by going on the internet gay porn web sites (again, now this is the 3rd times). Again we had informed the agency, even this time, that the boy's been adopted! There were no suggestion or advice from the agency, just " We hope things works out! We're sorry to hear that!" That's all the agency had to say to us, NO mentioning about any other personality disorder, or any other behavioral disorders.
Problems started to appear more and more, that we started seeking more counseling therapy (besides what he already had at that time). We 're physically and emotionally drained! We had done researched and researched for ways to find help for the boy. Anywhere we turned to, we seemed to kept getting shut down by "oh our insurance would not cover the cost or the agency do not admit any child under medication (the boy takes Adderall for ADHD) or we do not admit any child that have a sexual issue or something!" Were out of luck trying to find any help or assistance for the boy, but yet we still keep on going and hoping even now.
Meanwhile, things in our home was not the same anymore, things started dissappearing such as jewelry , shirts, (from my gift store) and from our house, silver ware, dishes either broken or dissappeared (he had admitted that he threw away some of my dishes and silverware), pots and pans with holes, clothings and money. The lying. stealing, gay porn magazine, repeated attemp on going on the internet seeking gay porn web sites, destroying things, and kept on with his lies. Consequences, we slowedly took away his priveleges like no tv, no stereo, no games, untill, he did not have anything anymore in his room that we could take away! He never even tried to earn them back! ( The boy believed in his twisted mind, that HE is not doing ANYTHING WRONG! and "all teen;agers had done this kind of things " quoted by his peers and peer's parents!) ( What those people did not know was, the boy's addiction to gay porn and also he had touched a couple of young boys, while he was still in the group home. The agency did not pursue any charges and called it exploring curiosity, even it happened at two different times! It was incorrect to label him sexual predator!).
One day for his consequence we left him outside to do yard work, while we went to McDonalds (we also bought something for him at McDonald's even we knew he ate already). Anyway when we came back to the house, he is nowhere around, we started looking around the neighborhood. My husband went to the neighbors a block away that I told him that I knew, he had a classmate that reside there. My husband went over to those people's house, to see if they had seen the boy. I was getting concerned because it was taking a long time for my husband. So, I called him on his cell phone and to my surprise I heard yelling and screaming people at my husband and calling him repeatedly m...f..ing son of B. To make this short, the boy had made an accusation about me (which I am disabled, walked with a cane, with high blood pressure, diabetes and a heart problem) that I supposedly did not feed him and that I wrapped a belt around his neck choking him (the boy is 16 years old), the police was called ( the police did not find any marks on any part of his body) and still, the allegation went to the military, even the allegation was about me. Nearly jeopardize my husband's carreer (my husband is retiring in March 2010) also lost any chance of advancement in the military, even the case was unfounded.
Then this summer, he had put something in my tea that I had sitting on the stove, it seemed like soap, but I was not sure what it was. I did not drinked it, I poured it out and confronted him about it, of course he just lied about it, and again swears to GOD that he did not do anything! Since then, we had been living like prisoners in our own home, l have to cook in my bathroom or in the bedroom, we have to keep our food that we intend to eat for later in another locked room, we could not leave any food or drink sitting on the counter or table or anywhere, when the boy is around. My four year old daughter always end up with bruises on her legs anytime, he gets close to her. We closely monitored the situation and no doubt about it, my daughter end up with bruises when ever she gets close emough to the boy, also my daughter had told me in several occasions that
he had pinched her but like always he kept on with his lies!
We had pursue all kinds of help therapist and psychiatrist untill someone had suggested the Youth Challenge Program. We immediately searchedt on the internet and got the application, filled it out and sent out. One of the requirements to the program was psychiatric report file, we called the agency and asked them for the file, and informed the agency of our desperation to find a solution or any kind of help (still the agency kept silent and did not offer any help, but just to say "Good Luck!" and the adoption specialist raised a question, about, "If that do not work, what is next?" My answered was dessilution! and the staff responded again with "Good Luck").
We recieved the file the very next day and to our surprise the file contained more information about the boy's existing disorders. Now, the file is front of us, explaining everything about the repeated habitual bad behavior, the existing disorders ODD, Conduct Disorder, Addiction to Gay Porn, besides the known ADHD and to add RAD (RAD was recently diagnose by the present psychiatrist, while in our care). All these was kept from us by the agency. Not only they kept it out of the record, the boy also knew about it because he was recieving theraphy for the said disorders while he was still in the agency's care and it was dismissed rigth before the boy started the first week-end visits with us . On top of all this problem, we just recently found out that everytime I went grocery shopping at Walmart, the boy was stealing CDs for two years straigth and had been getting away with it!
A week ago, I witnessed him breaking into my husband van and when I yelled out and asked him what was he doing? He flat out lied about it, even he knew I saw him (that was on a Wednesday). Friday he was suppose to be doing yard work for his consequences, while we went out grocery shopping, (we could not take him to any store because he steals). The boy broke into our bedroom by climbing in our batroom window to get to our bedroom. While in the bedroom, he tried to logged into our computer(s), broke into my husband's closet and took $50.00 out. Soon, we came home and discovered that he had broke into our room. We questioned him about breaking into our bedroom, it was too obvious because I had all kinds of knick knacks on the window ledge and the fan sits in front of the window, but he kept his lies again and again.
We called the police but they did not do anything because he lives with us! According to the police, this means that anybody that lives with you in the home, have the rigth to destroy, steal and brake into your privacy bedroom or any part of the house? Or is this rule apply's for childrens ONLY specially it the kid came from the system!
We 're so disggusted with the system, that we do not have NO RIGTHS in our own home and the boy now knows this!
We sent him to his room to stay there for the rest of the day.
Saturday morning, the tour for the Youth Challenge Program is at 10:00 A.M. My husband went to wake him up, and discovered, the boy's bed was not slept on and he was gone.
All day went by and no sign of the boy, we waited untill 8:3o P.M. to give him a chance to come back, because he actually knew about his carfew at 8: 30 p.m. When the boy did not show up at 8:45, we called the police again, and reported him running away.
Sunday at 2:00A.M. sheriff from St. Agustine called us and informed us that they picked up the boy at WalMart and to come and pick him up . We picked him up and brought him to our house. My husband had to work that Sunday and left at 5:30 A.M. while I fell asleep on the couge in the living room.
My four year old daughter woke me up at 10:3o A.M. and asked where is her brother, I went to check his room to find out that he had ran off again! I called my husband at work and he called the police again.
Days went by and then Wednesday after a whole day at my doctor's office, there was a knocked on the door. It was the boy, demanding "I WANT MY CLOTHES!" I was in shocked! I told him to wait a minute and I called my neighbor to come over and called my husband's phone ( which he just went to the store ) and happened to just drove up to the gate. I told my husband about what the boy had demanded, then he called the police. The boy knew we called the police, so he took off running to the car that was waiting for him and left. Meanwhile the police came again ( but the boy was gone already ), and attempted to look for the boy. Thursday nothing, did not hear a thing.
Friday , I recieved a call from Child Protective Services, again I am being accused! This time the allegation was I supposedly I drove him to a gas station in St. Augustine which was miles and miles away and dropped him off there and that he claimed that, "he did not run away". ( Note: I am disable with a hard time driving a long time because of my back and a bad case of sciatica on my legs, I can only drive for about 15 minutes and I will be in so much pain and I can not drive! )
But that did not matter! The sheriff, just treated me like that I was a felon even we had reported the boy running away! And believed the boy's story, with out a doubt because how the sheriff was questioning me very rudely in front of the boy, (again the boy showed his gesture to me that he had the upper hand because of how the sheriff treated me in front of him) someone had been helping the boy with his lies and had harbored him through all those days, which was his peers and peers parents from school. ( of course, they don't know the real story, they just choose to listen and hear what was in front of them) Specially, when the boy, cries with tears running down his face, and saying " I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M NOT LYING" this time! (even HE knew ,he was lying!)
And to add, NOW the boy has a new phrase,... " You could put me on a lie detector! " I kinda wonder, where the boy picked up the NEW phrase? Using the lie detector! God is more powerful than lie detector! Now he is finally avoiding to use God on his lies and using the lie detector now! I would not doubt that he could pass the lie detector for the fact that the boy truly believed that he is NOT doing anything WRONG!
To close this for now, my husband and I, had admitted the boy to a Youth Crisis Center for run aways,(it's not a long term, it's only temporary, because the YCC do not keep any kids there that long, only a few days!) and then back to us again. I pray and hope that the boy will get accepted at the Youth Challenge Program which will start in July, or get accepted at Job Corp, which ever comes first but how long do we have to live this way? Just, because We Opened Our Hearts And Home for this child! Where is the Parents Rigths? Or Are we even allowed to have rigths?
I want to live long enough to see my daughter grow up and graduate from high school (she is only four).