WOSSNAME -- DECEMBER 2005 -- PART 3 OF 4 (continued)
5) FAREWELL TO THE PUZZLE
Here are the long-awaited answers to the November 2005
Puzzle, featuring NANNY OGG'S COOKBOOK. All
answers are based on the 1999 Doubleday edition, by
Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.
0. A special treat from the head of a famous Guild,
who says these sweets he created are "to die for.
(his last name, fifth letter)
NOTE: The evil Lord Downey cleverly snuck in a falsely
numbered clue here. It is, of course, the fifth letter
of DOWNEY, or "E." We have therefore renumbered
all the clues through number 7 and reinserted the correct
number 8. (The old clue number 1 is now clue 0.)
The answer is therefore LORD DOWNEY'S MINT HUMBUGS = E
1. Invented by Mrs. Maisie Nobbs, mother of Nobby,
this dish is one of his favorites. (first word, second letter)
DISTRESSED PUDDING = I
2. The soup from which all life evolved. (first word, first letter)
PRIMAL SOUP = P
3. A tasty fish dish in which no creosote need be used.
(second word, first letter)
FIKKUN HADDOCK = H
4. The taste of Nanny's grandma's sparrow pie. (first letter)
CRUNCHY = C
5. Purveyor of the renowned "Sausage Inna Bun."
C.M.O.T. DIBBLER = T
6. A surprising soup made from a common fruit.
(first word, second letter)
BANANANA SOUP = A
7. A fiery hereditary recipe of the Ridcully family.
(first name, first letter)
WOW-WOW SAUCE = W
8. A dwarf delicacy, in a modified form for humans.
(first letter) STICKY TOFFEE RAT ONNA STICK = S
9. Lady Sybil's classy meal for Commander Vimes
(fourth word, fourth letter)
LADY SYBIL VIMES'S KEDGEREE = G
10. Parts of deep sea blowfish safest to eat
(second letter) NONE = O
11. Nanny Ogg's first name (fourth letter) GYTHA = H
/E_/I_/P_/H_/C_/T_/A_/W_/S_/G_/O_/H_/ = wizards' dark time snack
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 = HOGSWATCH PIE
Alas, we have reached the end of the Discworld-novel puzzles and feel
the other items suggested are not really appropriate for this publication
since (a) they are not novels nor Discworld-related, (b) hardly anyone
has them, and (c) neither do I.
We had a hunt for a new puzzle-master but no one turned up. So,
reluctantly, we are pulling the plug on this splendid series until Terry
writes more DW novels. If anyone wants to volunteer, please do.
If you can create some new kind of puzzle, we'll even start over with THE
COLOUR OF MAGIC and do a whole set of them.
6) YOUR NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
by Lady Anaemia Asterisk
Yes, my astro-illogical possums, it's that time again! It hardly seems
like it's been a whole year since last Hogswatch, does it? I myself
only took down my sausage garlands and mistletoe last week - well,
the garlands I left up because they'd become too feral to get near
without lion-taming equipment after the first month, and the
mistletoe I left up because you never know when you might need it.
This year I've spared no expense to travel the Disc, seeking out
well-known Personalities born under each Sign and asking them how
they plan to be spending Hogswatch; some of them even deigned to
answer me, and some of the answers were printable! So grab your star
charts, your Great A'Tuin pinatas and your favourite hangover cures
The Adamant Hedgehog 21 Mar - 20 Apr
Cheery Littlebottom: "I'm going to spend Hogswatch in Uberwald this
year as a guest of the Low King. I'm so excited! We're going to sort
tailings from the new silver mines - sometimes it's nice to get back
to cosy traditional things, you know - and there's even a rumour that
sh-, I mean he might have a Music With Rocks In disco in the Disused
Shaft Club down in Old Number 22. Beats working with smelly chemicals
and smellier dead bodies, I can tell you!"
His Grace Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh: "This year will be our first
true family Hogswatch since our Mam, erm, since. No more shouting
across the Ramkin banquetting table while Willikins serves like a
silent Thief. No, this year we'll have all the party games and the
crackers and the proper festivities, because I want my son to
remember every Hogswatch as a joyful time when his father is home all
day and no-one dies horribly on the doorstep. Nothing's too good for
Mrs Evadne Cake: "Hogswatch will've been a laugh this year. We'll've
had mince pies - with minced pork, of course - and roast suckling pig
and some of that nice Mr Dibbler's sausages. Ludmilla and her young
man will've done great at Charades, and young Mr Shoe from the Watch
will've dropped by with a nice card from Lugubri's sorry-for-yer-loss
shop. But I have to say that *next* Hogswatch was even better."
Sergeant Jackrum: "Upon my oath, I'm not a Hogswatch man. I'd sooner
spend that day drinking and telling battle stories down the pub. Any
pub. But this year, as a special concession to my Little Lads, I'm
going to spend Hogswatch in the old traditional Borogravian way -
fasting, reading the Book of Nuggan aloud in a sober voice, and
toasting the health of the Duchess in mineral water. That's what
I'm telling the Ruperts anyway!" And if you believe that, you'd make
a good soldier."
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips 21 Apr - 21 May
Reginald Shoe: "Of course I won't be following all those vital
people's traditions, because we postvitals don't eat pork products,
or any kind of products. No, we rejoice in being by-products. Every
Hogswatch the Fresh Start Club gives Ankh-Morpork and the wider Disc
the best present of all, by not adding to the population problem. But
I do try to keep an open mind, so I'll be participating in some of
the less politically-incorrect party games and Hogswatch carolling.
Oh, and I intend to pay a social call on Mrs Cake and bring her a
card, but that's going to be a surprise."
Mustrum Ridcully: "This Hogswatch, I'll be going hunting. I intend to
bag a boar, a stag and a brace of pheasants, then get Mrs Whitlow to
stuff the pheasants in the boar and the boar in the stag and roast
them with plenty of Wow-Wow sauce. That should make a fine little
snack to start off our Hogswatch Breakfast. The Dean wants us to play
Charades, but I've warned him that he is under no circumstances
allowed to try acting out Beti the Exotic Dancer again."
Hughnon Ridcully: "Hogswatch is at heart a solemn time, a time to
ponder on the ineffable ways of the gods and the marvels and miracles
of the world around us, a time for abstinence and contemplation, a
time of joy to all men. Oh, all right, and to all Golems. Yes, and
other sentient species. Very well. I shall be reading the Hogswatch
Service in Small Gods myself this year. After that? I hear Mustrum's
doing a spot of hunting...abstinence is a state of mind, after all."
C.M.O.T. Dibbler: "I've got just the thing for you this Hogswatch -
the finest quality cuddly toys! Fluffy scale-model cuddlies of
Slasher, Gouger, Tusker and Rooter. Totally lifelike! And when you
pull their hidden strings, they widdle and grunt! Just AM$9.99, and
that's cutting my own throat! And can I interest you in a Sonky and
Sons life-sized inflatable Hogfather? String of papier-macheƒÂ©
sausages? And of course there's the inimitable Dibbler's Festive
Hogswatch Sausages Inna Bun and Holiday Pork (Probably) Pies. Buy
one! Buy two! You know it makes sense!"
Herne the Hunted 22 May - 21 Jun
Mrs Rosie Palm: "Every Hogswatch, my girls and I spare no effort to
get into the festive spirit. Of course we're great supporters of pork
products - especially, erm, sausages - and we're quite enthusiastic
about dances, especially private ones, and wassailing. And mistletoe.
Oh, and Charades. My youngest, most attractive girls will be dressing
as Hogswatch presents. And I'm sure you know we're very keen on
presents that come in stockings..."
Susan Sto Helit: "I don't hold with all that holiday rubbish, but I
suppose I can stretch to dropping in on Grandfather for a cup of
Albert's fried porridge. Just so long as Grandfather and that rat
don't try to make me play Charades."
Tiffany Aching: "This Hogswatch I intend to work very hard on my
holiday cheeses. Mistress Ogg has invited me up to her town to teach
me the mysteries of the famous Lancre Blue cheese. I'm a bit worried
about the way she says 'Blue' though. And about her telling me to
bring a heavy leather apron and chain mail. Leather and chain mail
for cheesemaking? Perhaps I should bring a frying pan as well, just
to be safe."
The Abbot of the History Monks: "To a Yen Buddhist History Monk, all
Days are as one day grzzlewaaah!, so we don't celebrate Hogswatch.
Of course, if you look at it another way, *every* day is Hogswatch,
but we don't eat pork wannapottywannapottynow! and that much sherry
would give me terrible wind. I plan to spend your Hogswatch Day
drinking hot yak-butter tea with my favourite Yetis, and shouting at
the novices wannawannawannaBIKKIT!"
The Wizard's Staff and Knob 22 Jun - 22 Jul
William de Worde: "Has the Hogfather (age unknown) been secretly
suffering a debilitating illness? Reports from various sources
indicate that, on his Hogswatchnight outing last year, he was seen to
appear considerably thinner - 'Almost like a skellington,' said
Arthur Nougat (5) of No. 21 The Lane, Little Scullings. There's also
the disturbing mystery of 'Albert the Elf', the Hogfather's new
assistant; Mrs Elsie Gubbins (62) of Dolly Sisters claims she saw
this personage smoking, swearing, scratching himself inappropriately
and stealing festive pork pies. Is that the sort of influence we want
our children subjected to at this sacrosanct time of year? The public
should be told the truth."
Mrs Whitlow: "Polly, Dolly, Molly and H'ai shall be h'engaged in the
making of the usual wagonloads of pork pies, mince pies, sausages and
roast suckling pigs for the Faculty Hogswatch parties. We shan't have
time to 'party', there's too much to be done. H'ai don't hold with
this Hogswatch carousing h'anyways. There's far too much drinking,
and those Charades can get pretty riskey. Or so H'aive heard. Hmph."
Gytha Ogg: "Our Dreen says she's ordered me one of those ex-o-teek
palm trees from Klatch, to put next to the fireplace this Hogswatch
Eve. That won't half confuse the Hogfather when he comes down *my*
chimney! Of course, they don't celebrate Hogswatchnight out in
Klatch, they decorate their camels instead and do the Dance of the
Seven Veils. My second husband used to love me doing the Dance of the
Seven Veils. He said I was the most erratic woman in all Lancre -
spelling was never his strong point. But he certainly had a strong
point...I've invited young Tiffany up to visit as well, going to give
her some tips on cheesemaking. Fine young lass, though maybe a bit
too serious. I may give her the palm tree - then she'll never lack
Mrs Marietta Cosmopilite: "I'll be locking my door this Hogswatch.
I'm sick to the back teeth of all those little yellow men wandering
in and sitting at my feet and taking down everything I say. One of
them called me 'great sage' last year. Now I ask you, do I look like
a kitchen herb? Some people ought to get out more in the fresh air,
I tell you."
( Horoscope continued on Part 4 of 4)
End of Part 3, says my computer -- continued on Part 4 of 4
If you did not get all 4 parts, write: jschaum111@...
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