"The past is dust", this is the utterance I am getting in my heart when trying to compose a short story about my past life.
Having experienced a lovely childhood, I never denied emphatically from my earlier life. Yet later on, in my teens, I would find a kind of psychic boredom which I was not able to overcome in spite of my efforts; this situation would carry me to some little disappointment.
In 1982 I would search here and there for outer newness ―handcrafts, painting, poetry― a way to get rid of my daily routine. Still keeping fresh memories of my previous stay in Europe for a school year, I did not miss that so much as deeply convinced I was that the old continent had been quite familiar to me because of some previous connections― however there was a longing to leave the city where I was actually living as long as things around me would appear empty of hope, joy and satisfaction.
Definitely my spiritual heart was hungry and in search of expansion when I got to know that one of Sri Chinmoy´s lady students would be offering two-week free-meditation classes series in September, our blossoming spring.
I felt also deeply moved when I learned that the Master had been offering Peace Meditations at the United Nations for over a decade. I knew nothing about meditation though enough I believed to know about begging God for an ideal, peace.
On the first meeting, slides and photos of the Centres activities were displayed. Some tips for beginners in meditation were taught. I realized that Sri Chinmoy embodied the spiritual guidance I was longing for.
A week later I was accepted as a regular student. I felt overwhelmed with joy and hope my ideals were just alive and someone was able both to guide me and serve humanity in a very unique way! I just felt back home, my spiritual home.
Since then no outer instructor guided my meditations.
The silent gaze of my transcendental Teacher became my friendly companion, the way and the Goal. Each word of his writings would become sweet blessings. Each song of his music would lift me to the skies of new hope. Each one of his paintings would color my days.
Once it happened that I got the inspiration to go out running in a park for the first time. I was alone and some men insulted me. The second time I went out for a run, a bottle was thrown near my feet from a car. The third time a few women runners were jogging and walking; attacks ended after that.
Those unfortunate thoughts, ugly images, sad experiences, waves of frustration, were miraculously unlearned no suffering, no expectation- in a short span of time. This philosophy of never giving up despite hostile circumstances would help me to go forward without looking back.
At least some transformation was working out and little by little then, I started travelling from routine to newness; from social pressures to freedom; from boredom to dynamism; from weaknesses to strength; from impatience to patience; from desire to God´s Will in His own Way.
Four years later photos and slides were born to life: for the first time I joined my spiritual family who gathered several times a year for Celebrations, Xmas Trips and various peaceful events. It was and still is!- a nice spiritual community full of enthusiasm, determination and joy, carrying a genuine ´Heaven on earth atmosphere´ everywhere.
Thirty years later now, there is no enough gratitude I could offer to my Master Guru for the compassionate oneness and inner guidance that he has been pouring upon me and dear ones.
One simple and unfathomable truth is real: Sri Chinmoy´s mastering capacity to nourish my soul the way my soul needs for her complete fulfillment.
May all aspiring people have the chance to meet his teachings; they will find true happiness and satisfaction in life. The spiritual journey is full of challenging surprises especially when we are convinced that our divine ideals are not meant to fall in oblivion.