As you all know, I am deeply concerned about the proliferation of pythons in the Everglades, eating everything in sight. It's a real fear, that I might one day take a plane to Tampa or Miami to visit our Centres there, wander a few feet off the beaten track into a grove of orange trees, and then end up inside a giant python, waiting to get digested. It could happen! Those things are scary!
I meekly suggested that tourists go to Canada instead of the Everglades. In Canada nothing will hurt you. Nothing at all. They are that congenial. Canadians are nice people, and except for the occasional grizzly bear, the animals are nice, too.
Interestingly, a new Canadian Political Action Committee is running an ad campaign called SCEPTICS (Suspicious Canadians on the Emigration of Pythons To Inland and Coastal Swamps.)
"We don't want no more tourists!" one proud SCEPTIC declaimed at a recent rally. "Tourists, go back to the Everglades! The notion that pythons are infiltrating the Eveglades is a lie! Besides, pythons are friendly, grazing herbivores."
OK, I'm sorry to offend this SCEPTIC with his white-boy dreads, but pythons are not friendly. They do not graze. And they are not herbivores. Try cracking a recent edition of any National Geographic for more information.
Anyway, Canadians should revel in the inevitable uptick in tourism. It should help to invigorate the economy.