A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. What are you doing in there? she asked. HisAnswer!!!Message 1 of 1 , Mar 1, 2006View SourceA lady opened her refrigerator and sawa rabbit sitting on one of the shelves."What are you doing in there?" she asked.
Updated frequently during the day!!!************************Be sure & read the "Comments" after each blog joke -there's more funny stuff & letters from y'all...************************Two young men who had just graduated from UNC* were
all excited and talking effusively as they got into a taxi
in downtown Raleigh.
*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:
1) French university students
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.***********************1940's Riddles
1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c.Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors
and milk would freeze, expanding and
pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockingswhen none were available due to rationing during W.W.II?
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its earwhen you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
b. Nash Metro
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of twine
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's?
12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
a. Old Blue
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajewea
c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do whenmimeographed tests were handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin
Check out this Blog:
Updated frequently!!!************************Trusting The PilotWhen our friends heard that our family had been invited to Alaska for a week of ministry,they were all excited for us. They said, "Oh, it's beautiful, you're going to love it! When areyou going?" "February." "Oh." See, I get invited to places like Florida and Arizona in thesummer; Alaska in the dead of winter. We had a wonderful week, but the time came for mywife and kids to fly home because they had to get back to school, and I stayed for severalmore days of ministry. We were out on the Kenai Peninsula, in an area that felt fairly remote.We arrived at this small airport one night to rendezvous with our pilot. Now, Dick was amissionary pilot, trained by Moody Bible Institute's top-flight pilot's school and he wasexperienced in flying into many remote areas of Alaska. But that night his cargo was thepeople I love most. My first cause for a little worry was his request to help him push theplane out of the hangar and onto the runway. It was icy, and I had never pushed my planeinto position before. I didn't like that runway. It was covered with thick, deeply-rutted icefrom one end to the other. And at the end of that fairly short runway was a big stand of talltrees you could run into. Oh yeah, and it was heavily overcast - no moon, no stars. Well,I helped my wife and three children crowd into Dick's little Cessna, I waved good-bye asthey started bouncing and maneuvering down that icy runway. I really didn't like theconditions, but I was okay because I really trusted the pilot.
That night in Alaska, I had to let go of people who meant an awful lot to me. They wereout of my hands, and I had to trust them to the care of someone who could take them whereI never could; someone who was totally trustworthy, even though he was carrying them intothe unknown - unknown for me and for them but not for the pilot. He flew skillfully that nightand he delivered my family safely to their destination.
Paul wrote about that kind of trust choice in 2 Timothy 1:12, our word for today from the Wordof God. Paul was a prisoner of Nero in a Roman prison and he knows he will probably not comeout of this one alive. Everything that matters to him is out of his hands; the people he loves, hislife's work, his own future. Maybe some of that sounds strangely familiar. It's out of your handsnow, like my family disappearing into that Alaskan night in a little airplane. Here are Paul's words,"I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted toHim for that day." In other words, "I've released it all into Jesus' hands. I'm trusting Him to carefor it all. He's certainly able to guard what I love." Or, in the context of my Alaskan farewell to myloved ones, "I can trust the Pilot."
Right now you may be at one of those "letting go" crossroads. But you're having a hard timeputting what you care so much about on the plane. You're worrying a lot, you're holding onto whatyou should be releasing. You're making the mistake of looking at the conditions instead of focusingon the Pilot - Jesus, who has never crashed, never lost anything that was ever entrusted to Him.
That night in Alaska, I could have said, "Wait! I think I'll fly the plane!" That would have been dumb!But that's what we often do at a "letting go" crossroads. We try to fly the plane, we scheme, we push,we panic, we control, or we worry ourselves sick. And because we won't release something or someonewe care about, we interfere with where the Lord wants to take them - where you could never take them.
The circumstances may look uncertain - unsettling. But the engines are running. It's flight time andyou either have to hold on tighter or let go. The whole situation boils down to a decisive question,"Can Jesus be trusted?" His cross answers that. His track record answers that. Today, let it go, let hergo, let him go. They're in much better hands with the Pilot in charge than they could ever be with youin charge. This Pilot will keep them safe! - - Ron Hutchcraft*Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.===============
I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying the really
foolish thing that people often say about Him [Jesus Christ]:
"I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I
don't accept His claim to be God."
That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was
merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would
not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic --
on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg --
or else he would be the Devil of Hell.
You must make your choice. Either this Man was, and is,
the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse ....
You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit at Him and kill
Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him
Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great hum! an teacher. He has
not left that option open to us. He did not intend to.
-- From Case for Christianity, by C.S. Lewis
===============The Biotech Century
Dream Or Nightmare?Nations around the world are banning human cloning. The UN GeneralAssembly passed a resolution calling for the practice to be bannedeverywhere. In addition, one of the biggest and most newsworthyhuman cloning experiments, in Korea, turned out to be a complete fake.
Well, it would look like the "Biotech Century," as some have been calling
it, is off to an unpromising start.
If so, that's something for which we can be grateful, because the closer we
get to the cloning and commodification of human lifeeven for purposes that
seem well-intentionedthe more we endanger all human beings.
President Bush put his finger on this when he said in his State of the Union
address, "A hopeful society has institutions of science and medicine that do
not cut ethical corners, and that recognize the matchless value of every
life." The president went on to ask Congress for a ban on "the most
egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms."Notice that includes both reproductive cloning and so-called therapeutic
cloning. It's tremendously important that the president made that
distinction clear, because it's an appalling sign of our times just how many
peopleincluding many of our United States senatorsthink it's perfectly
fine to clone a human embryo so long as you plan to experiment on it and
then destroy it before it can be brought to birth.
You may recall I talked recently about former senator and ambassador Jack
Danforth and his slams against his fellow Christians. One of the many things
he blames us for is "criminaliz[ing] research because we want to save cells
in a petri dish that will never be implanted in a uterus and never become
That kind of dreadful misreading of such a crucial issue is unpardonable,
especially coming from a Christian. Unfortunately, however, it's all too
common among lawmakers who, unlike Danforth, are still active in politics
and have the power to make laws that would allow us to buy, sell, and
experiment on human life. And that's why, despite so many promising
developments around the world, we're having such a hard time pushingthrough a comprehensive cloning ban in the United States.
And as if that weren't bad enough, we have another threat to deal with on
the biotechnology front: the advancing science of nanotechnology. If cloning
threatens to redefine what it means to be human, nanotechnology takes itto the next level. My friend and colleague Nigel Cameron, of the Center for
Bioethics and Human Dignity, puts it this way: Abortion and euthanasia are
taking life, cloning is making life, and nanotechnology and cybernetics are
faking life. Nanotechnologywhich, again, is being promoted as helping those
with dread diseasesholds the dangerous potential of controlling or possibly
even re-engineering human nature.
I know this stuff is complicated, and if you're like I am, science is hard
to understand sometimes. But this is life-and-death stuff, and we have got
to know more about it and be able to press for ethical guidelines. Call us,
won't you, here at BreakPoint (1-877-322-5527) or visit our website tofind out more about it and what you can do. BREAKPOINT with Charles Colson & Mark Earley
Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.===============To KnowThe Story
Science fiction novelist Kurt Vonnegut once said of one of his most
recurrent characters, "Trout was the only character I ever created whohad enough imagination to suspect that he might be the creation ofanother human being. He had spoken of this possibility several timesto his parakeet." In a scene from the book Breakfast of Champions,
Kilgore Trout's haunting suspicion is unveiled before him. Sitting
content at a bar, Kilgore is suddenly overwhelmed by someone orsomething that has entered the room. Beginning to sweat, he becomesuncomfortably aware of a presence far greater than himself.
The author himself, Kurt Vonnegut, has stepped beyond the role ofnarrator and into the book itself. The effect is as bizarre for Kilgoreas it is for the readers. When the author of the book steps into the novel,
fiction is lost within a higher reality, and Kilgore senses the world as
he knows it collapsing. In fact, this was the author's intent. Vonnegut
has placed himself in Kilgore's world for no other reason than to explain
the meaninglessness of Kilgore's life. He came to explain to Kilgore face
to face that the very tiresome life he has led was, in fact, all due to the
pen and whims of an author. In this twisted ending, no doubt illustrative
of Vonnegut's own humanism, Kilgore is forced to conclude that apart from
the imagination of the author he does not exist. Ironically, he also must
come to terms with the fact that it is because of the author that his very
existence has been ridiculous.
The Gospel writers tell a story that is perhaps as fantastic as Vonnegut's
tale, though it is one with consequences in stark contrast. The Gospelof John begins with a story that is interrupted by the presence of the
author: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, andthe Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things
were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was
life, and that life was the light of men. And the word became flesh and
dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, the glory as of a Father's
only Son, full of grace and truth. From His fullness we have all received
grace upon grace" (John 1:1-3,14). As Eugene Peterson translates, "The Wordbecame flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood." But in this
story, the presence of the author is our good.
Working in an urban ministry setting many years ago, I saw a small glimpse
of the strange effects of incarnation. During the first year, I lived in
an apartment just outside the city. But during the second year I was able
to move into the neighborhood where many of the children involved in our
ministry lived. The difference was profound. Teenagers that previously
had held me at arms length came closer. Kids continually came to my door
to ask if I could play. I was living among them and it was not unusual
for them to mention it. One girl told me that she knew I was real because
I stayed around after dark. In her eyes I was now interested in her life
in a way she could tangibly grasp. I was a hand to clasp on the way home,
a next-door neighbor to sit with on the porch, a heart that knew both the
joys and fears of the city. Stepping into their world changed everything.
How much more the author of life has stepped into our world to changeour lives. John relays as an eyewitness that Jesus Christ, God incarnate,
fully divine and fully human, came to live among our world in flesh and
blood. Eternity stepped into time bringing grace and truth. The author
of life stepped into the presence of creation bringing the message of
eternity, proclaiming the meaning of life. It is a story that turns the
mind inside out with questions of existence and truth. But in intense
contrast to Kilgore's conclusions of purposelessness, we are strangely
called to be a greater part of the storyline.
In the words of G.K. Chesterton, "I have always felt life first a story:
and if there is a story there is a story-teller." Christ stepped into our
world to touch the story of our lives with a hand and a face, in order that
we might know Him, and grasp that we are known. His is the story we
are invited to see as our own.
How shall we respond? Let us not, as Isaiah warned the people of his day,
turn things upside down, regarding the potter as the clay, or the author as
man's imagination. Asks Isaiah, "Shall the thing that was made say of its
maker, 'He did not make me' or the thing formed say of Him who formed it,
'He has no understanding'?" To know the Author is to know the story in
its fullness and our lives as they were written. His presence is our
overwhelming good. Jill Carattini-------------------------------------------------------------------
"A Slice of Infinity" is aimed at reaching into the culture with words of
challenge, words of truth, and words of hope. If you know of others who
would enjoy receiving "A Slice of Infinity" in their email box each day,
tell them to ple! ase call 1-877-88SLICE (1-877-887-5423).==============="Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to considerwell the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christwhich is eternal life (John 17:3)."- - - The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643
"All scholars shall live religious, godly, and blameless lives accordingto the rules of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy Scriptures, thefountain of light and truth; and constantly attend upon all the dutiesof religion, both in public and secret."- - - Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter===============The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could notcrush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp itout with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask whythis book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with suchanimosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvinresponds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word,they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly orreluctantly." - Joe Boot===============
Why The U.S.A. Is At War:(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')
Sermons by Scripture Index
Genesis Ecclesiastes Matthew Exodus Song of Solomon Mark Leviticus Isaiah Luke Numbers Jeremiah John Deuteronomy Lamentations Acts Joshua Ezekiel Romans Judges Daniel 1Corinthians Ruth Hosea 2Corinthians 1Samuel Joel Galatians 2Samuel Amos Ephesians 1Kings Obadiah Philippians 2Kings Jonah Colossians 1Chronicles Micah 1Thessalonians 2Chronicles Nahum 2Thessalonians Ezra Habakkuk 1Timothy Nehemiah Zephaniah 2Timothy Esther Haggai Titus Job Zechariah Philemon<
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