Today I celebrate the 27th anniversary of the wonder of my
daughter's birth. As she begins her 27th year, I look back over
love's gift of my beloved girl child's discovery of the beauty
of this Divine creation. Oh, the lessons learned of love through
her being! The lessons yet to unfold. Oh, the ineffable joy she
has brought to this undeserving wretch's life!
Divine Mother gazing at me through her eyes. Guiding me first
through her need of me and then through her need for freedom.
Loving me through her sweetness and caring. Teaching me through
her of unconditional love.
Elisabeth Sara Sanders. Born October 29, 1974. I celebrate and
With Love, Royal
Socrates (maybe Plato) said something to the effect that we
should all write a book, plant a tree and raise a child. i have
always understood those words to mean something like, we write
to know our mind, we plant to understand immortality, we nurture
so that appreciate the fragility of Creation.
Hi everyone, I have completely redesigned my website, to
incorporate my journal. If you care to have a look, it is at
(It might be a bit slowing since the
livejournal site, to which it is linked, can be slow at times).
Here is an interesting URL:
Follow the links. I would say that this is toward the 'nondual'.
All quotations are from "The Secret of Letting Go" by Guy
Finley; (C) Copyright 1996 Llewellyn Publications; ISBN
"Letting go of yourself is letting go of your problems, for they
are one and the same."
"Letting go takes no strength -- only a willingness to see the
need for it."
"Once you see the problem, you know the solution."
"Letting go is the natural release which always follows the
realization that holding on hurts."
"Unhappiness does not come AT you, it comes FROM you."
"What you really want is to stop thinking about yourself."
"Real freedom is the absence of the self that feels trapped, not
the trappings that self acquires to make it feel free."
"Wanting to learn about yourself while limiting your discoveries
to what you want to find is like saying 'I want to see the whole
world from my bed'."
"The only thing you lose when you let go of something you are
afraid to live without is the fear itself."
"You can let go of trying to change other people, because YOU
are what is bothering you about them."
"Happiness is letting go of your ideas about happiness."
"Suffering now so that you can be happy in the future makes as
much sense as throwing yourself overboard so that later you can
feel relief about being rescued."
"Learn to listen to any feelings that cast doubt on your need to
"Walking away from the problems you don't want in your life gets
easier each time it becomes clearer to you who you don't need to
"True self-certainty is the absense of false self-doubt."
white wolfe sends you Love, Compassion, Equanimity and Joy and
this thought from Franz Kafka...
"There are some things one can only achieve by a deliberate leap
in the opposite direction. One has to go abroad in order to find
the home one has lost."
(once you find it, the universe is your home....happy trails to
you, until we meet again!)
further up and further in,
I would take a poll (and I won't say where I would like to shove
it, but you may have a fair guess), to ask of the gentle
readers, would they prefer that I and others, simply ignore the
troll, or to feed it, and if to feed, of what. I fear that any
sustenance will be immediately 'hurled', so well fed is the
troll, on the wretched effluvium of his own assumptions.
So what is it to me, what is to be? If any object to this abject
and abjuratory idiocy, if any would intend to quell, rather than
ignore, if any would rather one way or another, make your voice
And while this be fraught with humor, it is also with tragedy;
for who among us, would willingly trade places with that
disgruntled demigod of disgust? Who indeed, should or would
stoop, to remove a wad of discarded chewing-gum from the sole,
when it be far easier to simply give the boot?
But no... we must of rights, prove here not only our endurance,
but also our boundless compassion, and wait patiently for that
fine day when finally, the toxic upheavals finally yield the
heart of the one afflicted, then to be ministered to. And what a
day that will be, the first anniversary of the first microsecond
of self-awareness to be experienced by that most redoubtable of
all trolls. Considering the potential, at the rate of one
microsecond per year, it will be several million millennia
before our captive troll realizes that his cage was unlocked,
the entire time.
So this we must heed, if we needs fulfill our destiny,
collective or otherwise; and that is, to roll with the punch of
the troll, or to show him the door, posthaste, no pun
How to exorcise the foul spirit, without exercising, is the
trick; and that, according to the ancient masters of yore, is to
Disabusement is my amusement...
These days this "Mad Max" video display is well under control of
some unbenownst computer, I'd guess that there's some system
supervisor, but he's occupied with other shit in some far
The display flickers, but I'm fine. It's kinda cool. At the same
time I'm in a vehicle racing across a desert, but without heat,
continual vibrations and bouncing, but I'm behind the wheel and
it doesn't matter which way I go.
On one spread spectrum band, I connected, for a moment, to the
main network trunkline, and had access to all of the channels at
the same time, it lasted until the supervisor was alerted, who
immediately put a huge tunneling sand monster in my path. Damn!
I went and lost the channel, for not having my wits about me.
The other channels of the SS band, had showed a conglomerate of
other displays, like mine, but somehow they wove through the
same fabric. I had even seen a faint escence of the sand monster
and knew that it was there/forming. When the channel closed, it
was all still there, like things tied together with invisible
threads, but then, having to divert the damn sand buggy, I lost
It was like a sense of there being one continuous scintilating
existence, where THIS was like a twilight wonderland, like "I"
was a half consious version of some incredible being. The more I
focused on that, the less I could assimilate what that being
was, and the more comfortable my flickering display felt.
Fuck, I just can't explain this shit to nobody! They think I'm
Oh well. Just wanted to let you know that I'm real fine. Gene
and all, I'm just real fine.
MANCHINE AND GENE
MANCHINE: These days this "Mad Max" video display is well under
control of some unbenownst computer, I'd guess that there's some
system supervisor, but he's occupied with other shit in some far
GENE: Yes. "Local" SYSTEM is capable of autonomous
self-regulation, limited only by established presets. These
presets are configured to allow maximum interaction between each
node and system itself. System is grooming each node for the
role of Sysop, but very few nodes ever 'get the big picture'.
Most nodes simply go on and on, in attempt to find a 'system'
which complies with the configuration of the node.
MANCHINE: The display flickers, but I'm fine. It's kinda cool.
At the same time I'm in a vehicle racing across a desert, but
without heat, continual vibrations and bouncing, but I'm behind
the wheel and it doesn't matter which way I go.
GENE: Yes. That is the default. Your 'share' of CPU-cycles will
always show motion, the context is secondary.
MANCHINE: On one spread spectrum band, I connected, for a
moment, to the main network trunkline, and had access to all of
the channels at the same time, it lasted until the supervisor
was alerted, who immediately put a huge tunneling sand monster
in my path. Damn! I went and lost the channel, for not having my
wits about me.
GENE: Now things are getting interesting. Your node 'normally'
is in VPN mode; this is determined by your 'identity', which
itself autoconfigures specific tunneling protocols. (IE, you
preferences are the presets.)
It is the 'momentary' loss of identity, which will drop you into
the entire spectrum. Here, you can see all tunnels and those who
labor in them. But you are correct; if you enter this vast
spread spectrum realm without Root Privileges, you will be
subsumed once again into your identity-bound tunnel. This does
look like a large mouth coming to eat you, but remember, you are
seeing an analogy of a computational function, which you were
never meant to see.
MANCHINE: The other channels of the SS band, had showed a
conglomerate of other displays, like mine, but somehow they wove
through the same fabric. I had even seen a faint escence of the
sand monster and knew that it was there/forming. When the
channel closed, it was all still there, like things tied
together with invisible threads, but then, having to divert the
damn sand buggy, I lost it.
GENE: Yes. Here we can see, that the 'point' is to work directly
with SYSTEM to gain Root Privileges. This is easy to state
clearly; it means to treat all 'events' as 'mere computational
functions', to understand that what is seen (like the
sand-tunneling monster) is merely analogous to the functions of
Further, to take nothing 'personally', and to patiently wait to
be contacted by SYSTEM. SYSTEM seems to present itself in ways
which can be taken either as 'normal event' or 'direct yet
analogous communication'. Most people, treat every event as the
former, yet really, any event is the latter. It all depends on
point of view.
MANCHINE: It was like a sense of there being one continuous
scintilating existence, where THIS was like a twilight
wonderland, like "I" was a half consious version of some
incredible being. The more I focused on that, the less I could
assimilate what that being was, and the more comfortable my
flickering display felt.
GENE: Yes. It is difficult if not impossible to maintain
'identity' while also looking through the eyes of SYSTEM. This
is why I stress the analogy of the 'doll game'; this practice of
dis-identification will eventually allow one to see the larger
context, and eventually, the context of the overall imperative
of SYSTEM. SYSTEM really does want aware nodes, but cannot allow
'finish' without 'working to the finish line'.
There are two ways to do this; one is to simply charge ahead,
handling events as they 'seem'. The other, is to drop out, and
wait for SYSTEM to manifest as the awareness which it is.
MANCHINE: Fuck, I just can't explain this shit to nobody! They
think I'm crazy.
Oh well. Just wanted to let you know that I'm real fine. Gene
and all, I'm just real fine.
GENE: I have no doubt, Dave. Your metaphorical communications
are not lost on me. It is good to have a vast wealth of concepts
from which to draw material for analogical imaging, yes? This
seems to be, at root, exactly how SYSTEM operates. The 'puny
human' is puny, only because of a stubborn and naive insistence
upon SYSTEM conforming to identity, rather than allowing
identity to drop into analogical fragments from which it was
Our friend Mark Otter showed us some pictures of still-life
diorama, objects of significance posed in boxes. Identity is
like this; merely objects of significance, arrayed in a certain
order. They were all harvested from the world-dream, and adopted
and made sacred, carried in the sacred medicine-bag of memory.
It is the ultimate banishment of superstition and mysticism,
which shows that the old bones and other trinkets, can be
allowed to return to the dust from which they were made. Then
the medicine-bag itself can be let go.
Empty of memory, awareness is shockingly stark, but
diamond-clear and sharp. All memory can then be re-ordered, in
compliance with SYSTEM priorities. It is only at this point,
that SYSTEM will grant SYSADMIN status to that node. SYSTEM is
actually always in charge, but allows each tunneling node to
order its own mojo.
COSMOLOGY: INTELLIGENCE AND INFINITY IN LANGUAGE
"Scrape the surface of language, and you will behold
interstellar space and the skin that encloses it." - Velimir
Khlebnikov, Zangezi, trans. Paul Schmidt
During a recent conversation with the English experimental poet
Tom Raworth, my colleague Lyn Hejinian said, as close as I can
remember: "Language is much bigger and smarter than we are. We
should let it speak...The possibilities are infinite."
In this thinking, when we write poetry, there is a necessary
suspension, a "float," whereby we make space for the new and
appropriate word or phrase to appear. This suspension is
analogous, in my quantum-cosmological model, to the moment
before the collapse of the wave function, when the photon goes
one way or another as I observe it doing so. For purposes of the
analogy, it doesn't matter whether I somehow unconsciously
"choose" for the photon to go one way rather than another - or
whether one "I" chooses to inhabit the universe in which the
photon goes that way, while another "I," brought into being that
moment, "chooses" the universe in which it goes the other way.
Or - if we are loyal followers of Einstein, who hated to think
that God plays dice - we could say that the universe chooses for
me which way the photon will go. And it is a truism that in
writing well, we often have the sensation of receiving words
from a mysteriously familiar "elsewhere." This source may also
feel like an "elsewhom," a power beyond our conscious control,
but one with which we have entered, momentarily, into a covenant
like the ones the Greeks often made between themselves and the
gods. The basis of this covenant was the similarity between
humans and gods, their common ancestry as children of Earth and
Sky, Time and Space.
It is important to always remember that what we know, is known
only by what we have known. To escape this confinement, it is
necessary to know that we do not know what we do not know. In
this manner, is space opened, in which may be displayed SYSTEM
as the vast and living intelligence which it is.