Dear All, Here is an article which I found thought provoking and would wish to share. Please note that by merely reproducing it I am in no way in completeMar 1, 2005 1 of 1View SourceDear All,
Here is an article which I found thought provoking and would wish to
share. Please note that by merely reproducing it I am in no way in
complete agreement with the author.
+ Prayers +
How do you bring up your child to believe in God?
Do you want your child to be religious?
If you do not believe in God, is it wrong not to acquaint your child
with some version of God?
How do you bring up a child in a multi-religious household?
I do not believe in God. My children have never seen me pray. Nor have I
taken pains to talk to them about a God in the sky. Or anywhere else
Two years ago, when my eldest daughter was about to turn nine, she lost
a classmate with whom she had studied with for the past four years. Her
friend fell out of the window of her flat and died on the spot. My
daughter went to school the following morning and was stunned to
discover that her friend would not be coming to school thereafter.
How do you bring up your child to believe in God? Let us know!
When my daughter reached home, she called me at office and said, "Do you
know that so-and-so died yesterday?" She sounded very matter-of-fact. I
realised she was in turmoil.
I rushed home to talk to her. She was very upset. She wanted badly to go
to her friend's house so she could understand what had happened. That
was not possible. She wanted to meet her friend's mother and go for the
funeral. That was also not possible. She finally drew out a lovely
picture for her friend's mom and, armed with a condolence letter, we
visited her friend's building and delivered the envelope to the
But what plagued her more than anything else were the questions she
asked me over and over again: Where has her friend gone? Did she go to
God? Wouldn't it be terrible for her to be in another place without a
mother and father?
I realised that because I had not brought up my child with any concept
of faith, she was suffering more than other children. Had I talked to
her, ever since she was tiny, about a wonderful and beatific God and a
shining heaven/ afterlife, she could have found plenty of refuge in a
statement from me to the effect of "She has gone to God, the father in
That day, I spoke to her at length about a God that people believe in.
And about my agnostic tilt that was my approach which did not have to be
It was then that I did a re-think on my approach to religion with my
kids. I thought I should alter it a little.
A little backgrounder: it is difficult to bring a definite concept of
faith to a multi-religious household. I am a Hindu and my husband is a
Protestant. Neither of us are strong believer types. I have some
principles that I hold dear, and my husband wanders into church a few
times a year, max.
If I am unable to get down on my knees every night and thank God, it
would seem hypocritical to tell my kids to do that?
Instead, my husband and I concentrate on exposing our kids to the
culture of our respective religions. We celebrate Holi, Easter,
Dussehra, Diwali, Christmas in a traditional way; the works. Probably,
each of these festivals are celebrated with more dhoom-dham in our house
than in anyone else's in the neighbourhood.
Our kids have visited all places of worship. And I am not averse to
stopping by at a church somewhere to hear a hymn service, even in an
unknown language, or watching an entire Navjote ceremony.
I try to interest my kids in religion per se and buy all kinds of books
on different types of faith for them. I would like them to know about
all religions, be knowledgeable and have an open mind on religion, and
not be rigid. That is more important to me than what religion they
finally choose, if they choose anything at all.
But when it comes to teaching them faith, the going is tougher. I can
only communicate my adherence -- a kind of faith -- in principles, like
vegetarianism or good thought, etc.
I am definite that, more than anything else, I would not like them to be
rigid believers who feel there is only one kind of God, who is x, y and
z and better than so-and-so God. I do not want them to have blind faith
or merely knowledge of rituals. If they want to be religious, it must be
religion that stems from an educated grasp of religion. That is my hope.
Post the death of my daughter's friend, I spend much more time talking
to her about people's thoughts on God and her thoughts about religion
and faith. But I have not been able to do much more.
I have met dozens of kids, now adults, of mixed religious marriages.
Invariably two things happen:
1. They strongly choose one parent's religion
2. They have no religion or faith or knowledge of religion, and are kind
Perhaps this will happen to my children, too.
I am not sure that that is what I want. But I do find it difficult to
find a better middle path.
I read somewhere that families who are successful in blending their
religious cultures are happier because they create an affectionate
atmosphere based on communication, compromise and respect.
Now let me ask you, dear reader, some questions:
If you do not believe in God, how do you give your children an idea of
Do you think a child with a mixed religious identity can get confused or
Does a child need to be known as belonging to one religion either Hindu
or Muslim or Jain or Christian for the purpose of identification for
school, passport and other forms rather than saying none or both?
Is it wrong for a mother to want her child to know her religion as well
as her husband's religion? Or should a child necessarily follow her/ his
What are the best ways to bring knowledge of different religions in a
What are the best ways to teach your child about God?
Are our schools doing a good job of bringing religion to our children?
Isn't it more important to make your child a good human being
irrespective of his religion and concentrate your efforts on that rather
than spend time giving him a very well-defined religious upbringing?
How has religion helped your child?