Food for thought.
Here is a scenario of the dilemma of a middleclass or poor man in our
society when he tries to get his son\daughter married.
A middle class man earns his livelihood working hard for each paisa.
When it is time to get his son married he sits down to prepare for the
marriage. Whom should he call? whom can he avoid? He has been living
in the same town the last 15-20 years, so he knows a lot of people
there. He writes down the names. The list keeps growing. There seems
no one he can avoid, because of the fear of the fallout from society.
What does he do? Add to this his business associates and his son's contacts.
Also add to this the same number from the other side.
Once he has invited the people, how can he not have good food and
party arranged for them? How can he just send them away with some
snacks? Will he be able to live out the venom of retribution and
ostracism from society if he does this?
So what happens? He takes a huge loan on a hefty interest and arranges the
best party in town. He takes comfort in the emotion "Its my son's
marriage, the whole town should know this is the best marriage".
Even after several years, he is in even more debt than ever before. He has
still to pay off the debt of the marriage expenses. The same society
ridicules him as a loser in life! A cruel price for being a social
The point is -- the society he lives in drives his actions, not the
other way round.
Imagine the mindset of a person whom he manages to avoid."Hmmm, I knew
him for so long, but when it comes to marriage of his son, he just
ignored me, what an insult! I will remember this insult till my
There is nothing in the prevalent Indian tradition today to restrict
the number of persons from a family that come for marriage. Here in
US, I have seen wedding cards with RSVP cards which show a number of
the persons invited, but I have not seen an equivalent of that in
India. So how many people should attend is more left to the common
sense of the invited. ( and common sense is not that common).
Isn't there something wrong here? Is this not a common situation? Is it
not a wrong tradition creeping in? What changes are required in
society? How can we help?
These are the views of H.G. Dr. Geevarghese Mar Osthathios
Metropolitan on expensive parties in marriages:
"One of the most unpardonable crimes of our rich and middle class
people is the superfluous show of wealth in wedding parties. Thousands
of girls remain unwedded due to lack of finance and yet the few who
can afford, do not help them for their minimum needs, but waste a
colossal amount for wedding parties. If this evil practice is not
curtailed, some model of Chinese revolution will come to India also
and stop wedding parties for all people as none will be able to afford
and the Government will strictly forbid it. Luxury is certainly a
Is any one listening to Thirumeni's words?