Hello David. It is a helpful concept, isn't it? I thought I hadn't
explained it well, so I'm glad it meant something to you.
I'm needing it again today, becaue I've wasted half of another
precious day fiddling with the computer. (Mostly related to my
ridiculous "fantasy league" baseball team.)
I'm going to sit now, and give myself a good dose of metta.
--- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com
, david frazee
> Dear Philip,
> The "added ons" is something I do so frequently and
> dig myself further into the hole of self-hatred,
> instead of acknowledging a hurt, or a wrong, or
> whatever behavior I am unhappy about. I self-denigrate
> and wonder why I feel so much worse. I give
> loving-kindness to OTHERS but deny it to myself with
> the "added ons". I didn't have a term for it, and
> naming my habit is actually very illustrative in what
> I do and makes me see clearer how to sttempt to stay
> away from that. Much metta, David. --- philofillet
> <bunnyboo@j...> wrote:
> This reminded me of one thing Sharon Salzberg said
> during a talk I
> heard recently. Something about noting our negative
> without "added ons." For example, I feel crummy this
> because I wasted most of it watching TV and fiddling
> on the internet.
> An "added on" would be too punish myself for it, to
> deplore my
> laziness, to groan that I'll never change. Just
> compounding the bad
> feeling. Meditating has taught me how to note it, and
> let go of it
> and go to the place where a new day dawns whenever I
> stop and return
> to mindfulness.
> I'm going to be very kind to myself on the cushion
> before bedtime.
> Yours in metta,
> p.s Sharon - just in case you do want to e-mail it's
> --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "Sharon"
> <shar_63@h...> wrote:
> > "Unless you were raised by wolves, you probably
> heard at least a
> > of the following as you were growing up: 'Don't do
> that.... Why
> > you ever listen?... Wipe that look off your face....
> You shouldn't
> > feel that way.... You should have known better....
> You should be
> > ashamed of yourself.... I can't believe you did
> that.... It serves
> > you right.... What were you thinking of?... The
> nurses must have
> > dropped you on your head.... I had great hopes for
> you.... Don't
> > back to me.... Do as you are told.... Don't you ever
> think about
> > anyone else?' Somewhere along the line we conclude
> there is some-
> > thing wrong with us. What else could we conclude? If
> there were
> > nothing wrong with us, people would not say those
> things, would
> > "Being intelligent creatures, we soon take over the
> job of
> > ourselves, punishment being the way to improve so
> that we can be
> > and how we should be. We learn the self-improvement
> process as
> > quickly as possible so we can fix ourselves before
> anyone else
> > notices we need fixing. As a result, most people
> grow up with an
> > unshakable belief that the primary reason they are
> 'good' is that
> > they punish themselves when they are 'bad.' The very
> thought of not
> > punishing ourselves when we make mistakes, say and
> do stupid
> > feel inappropriate feelings, or act 'bad,' makes us
> nervous: If I
> > don't punish myself when I do something wrong, what
> will keep me
> > doing it again? I might do even worse things!
> > "To this I would say that one process does not lead
> to another.
> > Punishment does not make us good, punishment makes
> us punishing.
> > Hating and rejecting ourselves in this moment is not
> good practice
> > for loving and accepting our-selves in another.
> Goodness is our
> > inherent nature and punishment is what keeps us from
> knowing that.
> > are never going to improve ourselves until we become
> we 'should'
> > be. If self-improvement worked, it would have by
> now. Punishment is
> > what keeps us from seeing that there is no one who
> needs to be
> > punished. It is a learned response, it will never
> work, and we can
> > let go of it if we are willing."
> > ~ Cheri Huber, "There Is Nothing Wrong With Us"
> > From Fabric of the Future: Women Visionaries
> Illuminate the Path to
> > Tomorrow (1998 Conari Press, Edited by M.J. Ryan)
> > (The entire article can be found at
> > http://www.cherihuber.com/fabric1.html.)
> > May this be of benefit.
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