"What often confuses us [in practicing Metta] is our idealistic
concepts of what we should be; for example, some of you might
think: 'I shouldn't want revenge for the victimizers; Ajahn Sumedho
says I should have metta for them!' and then you might feel, 'No, I
can't include everyone; it's too hard. I can have metta for everyone
else, but not that totally hateful person.' What can be done in that
moment is to have metta for that very feeling; finding an attitude of
kindness rather than criticism, knowing it for what it is, not
indulging or repressing it but simply being patient with that
particular state as it is in the present moment.
"If we actually practice this, what is the result? In my experience,
I find that I'm no longer making problems for myself around my faults
and weaknesses, I'm not hating myself continuously for not being able
to live up to my high ideals of what I should be. I'm able to bear
with some of the emotions and reactions I have, rather than just
being caught up in aversion to myself. When we do this, those
negative reactions fade out. We are no longer making a karmic
connection to them; we are letting them go rather than getting
entangled in them, so there is a feeling of greater ease. We are
developing a proper attitude toward ourselves."
~ Ajahn Sumedho, "Nothing is Left Out" from "Voices of Insight" (ed.
Sharon Salzberg, Shambhala Publications, 1999),
May this be of benefit.