Thanks for your extremely thorough initial report. Hopefully you can
make the valve work properly for the rest of your test.
I have included a few minor edits below, plus you might also want to
think about breaking up some of the large paragraphs to increase
readability a bit.
Size: 16" x 12" x 5" (From MFG website)
### Please include metric conversions. If you don't already have one,
there is a great conversion tool available for download at:
Alternatively you can use BGT's online one at:
The pack arrived via UPS carrier with no fanfare. Just a plain brown
After opening the box, I found one Stream Pack ready for display.
### As most buyers will not receive their pack via UPS, it is probably
only really worth mentioning the display packaging.
just below the grab loop is the hydro-tube port. Placed
in the middle of the pack allows the user to direct the tube over
shoulder they feel more comfortable using.
### This sentence might read a bit better with "...middle of the pack,
it allows the..."
Both straps have a reflective band at the shoulder straps most
### "...band the most visible point of each shoulder strap."
The next feature is a nice one. HSSC calls it "Deluxe AirflowTsuspended
### Need a space before "suspended"
What that translates too is a taught piece of fabric connected to the
top of the pack and the bottom where the waist belt is attached.
### "translates to" (not "too"). And "taut", not "taught"
I find this zipper a little troublesome
to operate. Due in part to the odd direction it has to travel, but also
flap that covers the zipper is bound with a rubber-band material to
the flap over the zipper.
### Hmmm.. How about:
I find this zipper a little troublesome to operate, due in part to the
odd direction it has to travel, but also because the flap that covers
the zipper is bound with a rubber band material used to cinch the flap
over the zipper.
First, because it was extremely cumbersome to get it off, and second, if
I ever experience a crash or fall
### Firstly because ... and secondly, if I ...
I, of course, could be wrong, but
### I think the sentence reads better without the ", of course,". But
then again, I, of course, could be wrong.
I prefer a bladder that opens at the top, where the HSSC
bladder has a large screw type closure cap side mounted in the upper
half of the bladder.
### I think this sentence needs a little rework. Maybe change the
"where" to "whereas", and change it to "...bladder has a large cap
mounted on the side of the upper half of the bladder"
I decided to give a fill-up and head out for a walk.
### "give it a fill-up" or "I decided to fill it up..."
dog treats, couple interesting toys, a candy bar and a power bar,
### Need an "of" after "couple"